To be absolutely dreading February half term

[Whatdoesitmatterif]

I know i am being a bit pathetic about this but It's actually making me feel so nervous and sick because I know it's going to be impossibly hard.
the weather will no doubt be shit.
The kids will just fight at any given opportunity if I take my eye of them for a second.
we live in a small flat with no outside space or anything like that.
I have no money to do anything with them, we will be stuck in the flat pretty much the whole time.
i know I need to just build up some resilience and just get on with things like everyone else does and make the best of it but I just want to cry at the thought of trying to entertain everyone for a week, one dc has sen and I'm a single parent so even just going to the park or the shops can be very chaotic when I have to take the children with me.
the February half term is definitely the worst, most miserable one imo!

I think @Nocutenamesleft and @DONTMESSWITHMEDARNA must win the mumsnet prize for being the smuggest, tone deaf posters on this thread.

The OP is not you. If you think your parenting is so good why not offer your services to the OP and help her out.

When DD was little she had health issues that meant that I had to be with her 24/7. When her issues were resolved I couldn’t wait to have some time to myself. I love DD to bits, but I don’t need to be with her 24/7 and I don’t feel defined by being a mother. Not everyone likes being tethered to their children 24/7.

@Whatdoesitmatterif ignore the sanctimonious posters who have clearly never walked in your shoes. I hope some of the suggestions on here are useful.

Missed this, but I see it's 'again'. My own, no.

I spent 7 hours just today with 12 in one room, with 17 others. And I'll manage it all week again. And they'll learn things and enjoy themselves (note: not 'be entertained) rather than just getting through one week with a begrudging adult.

There's not much space, limited freedom and a huge lack of resources in settings other than flats like the OP's. I'm the 'single' adult and additional needs are obviously an additional consideration.

What I said about taking barriers away and relentlessly reinforcing expectations is the only thing that works.

Do you have Mam friends lovely? Ds is an only and I'm always happy to have a pal (or 4) over as ds gets bored on his own

DS is NT, one of his best mates is autistic and has adhd. He trusts me and is happy to come to ours.

If any of my son's friend's mams asked I'd happily have them over. Ds is 10 now so they tend to sort themselves and I often come downstairs to a random child or 2 on my settee!

I know that not all kids with sen are able to cope with play dates so apologies if yours isn't able to

I feel for you OP -I'm off this half term & trying to find cheap/free activities for my kids (one with SEN)

If you give us an idea of where you live we might be able to help. Or there are inside activities that some places send out that might be worth looking into - I'll have a dig around & post what I find.

Hahahah. I love this!

I see this is following the usual MN thread route. Starts off well, great advice, a bit of squabbling, analysis of the squabbles, back to original question. Always an interesting read.

This half term...
I plan to plan 😁
I'm going to do a rough template right now off the top of my head and save it.

Mon- arts and crafts am/go to park pm
Tue- practise musical instruments and watch you tube video tutorials am/football in park pm
Weds- write poems and stories am/watch a film pm
Thur- visit elderly relative am/ make models or do a stink experiment (comes as a science kit for kids)
Fri- go to town on the bus, see the free museum and eat a packed lunch in the square am/ go home. Get old magazines out, cut out pics and design a house or a room or garden/scene.
Weekend, laze about (one child has a choir performance to do).

I mean I couldn't agree more.

I remember that one time on the train when I saw a mother on her own, with an older child with severe disabilities having a meltdown and thrashing and kicking no matter how hard she tried, (and my god she was trying) whilst her toddler cried, and she was trying to soothe him too. She stood up at one point, biting back tears, looked up to the heavens and said "please just make it stop."

I should have popped over and asked her why she even had them, to think of the positives because did she not realise negativity attracted negativity. I'm such a brilliant mum myself you know, according to me.

Sorry! I didn't see the replies

I just asked a question and said honestly that I didn't understand it. I didn't mean god how dare you say that! How awful a parent you are!!!! Oh my god truly disgusting.

I just said. I really don't understand it. You could try explaining g it to me rather than call me names?

And yes I do have a child with SEN for those asking. Again I didn't call anyone names. I didn't put the OP down I just asked an honest question

I said I honestly didn't understand it. Doesn't mean it's wrong or I think they're wrong (I didn't put in my post I thought they were wrong) doesn't mean I think I'm right. Just saying I didn't understand.

@WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody ha. Your post made me laugh. Thank you! Brilliant brilliant. 😀

@DrMarciaFieldstone well we were all making pictures with raw pasta and little Eugene decided he wanted to get down to Mother Earth and run in the mud! So I had 5 mins

😂

@Whatdoesitmatterif

I'm not sure I'm allowed to link to posts on the "other site" but this gives some good ideas for (mainly) indoors activities if you can't face going out.

https://www.netmums.com/activities/100-activities-for-a-rainy-day/21-braid-some-friendship-bracelets

There have been times when I’ve dreaded school holidays. It is hard when you’ve no money and the weather is bad, also living in a small house. It doesn’t make someone a bad parent, it doesn’t mean your children know you’re not happy. Nobody is a perfect parent. It can be hard work, you don’t get a prize for pretending it’s not, and kicking someone while they are down doesn’t make you a good role model 🙄

You're really not being nasty?!

You obviously mean well but if the op has £10 for 12 days your ideas won't work.

No judgement here either

Local libraries have lots of free stuff
Local museums or a university usually have free stuff too

Breakfast in bed
Lounge picnics

Get a long roll of paper and draw outlines of each other and colour in etc

Simple craft activities can be hell but things like building forts indoor camping etc on sofa cushions all add a bit of interest

Plan dinners and go for a walk to the shops to get the food etc

Pair up with friends

How old are they? Could you take them to the library, a museum, the woods or a park, rollerskating on a new estate where the paths are smooth...? Or you could bake together, print out a treasure hunt for the local area? All free or cheapish.

This made me well up...I've been that parent:make it stop...

"I'm not being nasty, but"

I am going to be nasty.

👏👏👏

@Whatdoesitmatterif

Our eldest has ADHD, and then we have 3yo DTwins, who flit between playing nicely, and playing like Connor McGregor.

Half term when the weather is pants is bloody awful. And this is from someone with a garden, a DH and reasonable budget. You are far from being unreasonable.

The days when it's so cold that we are stuck indoors, I often count the hours to bedtime. Especially if DH is not there, as I physically can not control all three (two of mine like yours, are bolters) when there's just one of me. So indoors we stay, and the combination of being cooped up and no school routine, squabbles are endless.

If you can, separate them. Elder DS will watch a film, while DTwins and I play a game. If they're not together, they're not able to argue.

Make a den. Sofa cushions, duvets, blankets etc. Make two and plonk yourself between them with a cuppa, so they can't poke each other, or knock the other's down.

So what if you spend a lot of time in front of the TV. It's 5 daytimes. The world won't end. You matter too you know, and if this stresses you less, then good. It's not forever. Again, it's just 5 day times.

It's the not having me bet that's the hard thing, if you have money there's a million things you can do with the children.

No money makes everything harder.

Definitely look for free things to do, we used to go to Messy Church at a local church which was free craft type activities and you got a free meal. Churches are quite good for free activities (I'm not religious at all but am a skint single parent!)

Are there any Sen groups doing activities?

As others have said - plan things. Write it down. Tell the kids so that means you have to do if. Also if you're on social media, have a look at what's on. There are so many free things that not many sometimes know about.

It will be what YOU make of it. Not your kids. If you go into half term with the mindset that it will be shit then that's what it's going to be.

Try re focusing on your mind in a more positive way. Tell yourself you're going to have a good week with the kids. No doubt they will be moments but that's going to happen. You don't need lots of money to make it fun.

I’d have a look and see if there are any council schemes possibly in conjunction with warm spaces which have free kids stuff on. I know there is stuff on near us.

Eh? Parks, libraries and museums are free. Sandwiches cost the same whether you eat them in the house or at the park? My point was to get prepared. Plan, make a list, research (presumably OP has internet access) and then you haven't got to scratch your head every morning wondering how to get through the day.

Plan long walks at least every other day.

My DD has ASD and ADHD and I didn’t have much money to take her anywhere that costs (and sometimes she’d be too overwhelmed by it anyway).

So at least every other day we get up early, pack a small lunch (sandwich, drink and apple) and do a long walk.
It is sometimes difficult getting out of the house and the first half an hour but I found once were actually properly in the walk it’s lovely and relaxing.

Then when you get home they can just chill out in front of screens or doing quieter activities whilst you can relax or do housework/cooking etc without the guilt.

I am going to do the same this week regardless of the weather.