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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I might be being stood-up/ghosted? (And what do I do?)

27 replies

wotthewotsit · 08/02/2023 11:19

Really bizarre. Supposed to have a day out with a guy I've been dating for about 6 weeks today. It's about date 7 or 8.

It's been brilliant. We chat for hours when we meet and on the phone when we don't. He's never seemed anything but completely interested.

He called me for 2 hours before he went to bed last night.

He was supposed to let me know exact plans for the day as he's driving, and also give me a bit of notice before them (although we vaguely agreed to meet around 9:30am). I followed up to reconfirm when I woke up and he was uncharacteristically vague.

Nothing from him since then (he ignored my reply to him, asking again what sort of time I should be ready). That was an hour ago.

It's completely bizarre (although I've been around the block enough not to be surprised).

What do I do do? I only get one day off a week and at some point I'd like to just get on with my day.

But I'd also like to say something to him because it's really really strange,

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 08/02/2023 11:22

Give him a call.

Then if he doesn’t answer, switch your phone off, get on with your day and see what excuse he comes up with later and reassess.

He could be vague because his elderly mum is ill and he doesn’t want to worry you, maybe he’s won the lottery and is overwhelmed, maybe his ex wife has got back in touch and he will ghost you.

No one knows unfortunately so give him one chance and if not get on with your day until you know.

RealBecca · 08/02/2023 11:23

It's been about 2 hours since you were supposed to meet. You clearly arent going out for the day. This is piss poor behaviour very early in your potential relationship. He is showing you who he is.

I would make myself unavailable to him and stop talking to him/dating immediately unless he has a clear and genuine reason not to be in touch. It honestly sounds like he has someone else on the go and she is suspicious or he has ditched you for other plans. Sorry.

honeypancake · 08/02/2023 11:26

But you didn't have any set plans for the day, did you? He said he would reconfirm etc.. with no set plans and that early in the relationship I would plan my day off independently. Maybe he didn't want to let you down or felt overwhelmed and wanted a little space , you talked for two hours last night! I would enjoy the day off with my own plans and let him reach out to you, don't chase!

Rookie93 · 08/02/2023 11:28

Think I'd see if he came back with a believable explanation otherwise I'd just block and move on. Hope you enjoy your day off whatever happens, they are precious.

yousexybugger · 08/02/2023 11:28

Get on with your day off, do something nice, if he doesn't provide you with a really solid explanation and apology by the end of the day for messing you about then I wouldn't give him any more chances. If it wasn't an emergency and he had overslept/ something came up/ was just running very late then he should have let you know. Not respecting your time is not a good sign at such an early stage.

Zhougzhoug · 08/02/2023 11:36

What did you both say about today when you spoke to him last night for 2 hours? Presumably it was mentioned?

I don't know when he could have given you "a bit of notice" before a 9.30am meeting if it wasn't in the 2 hours before he went to bed, but then again I'm not an especially early riser!

Aldisfinest · 08/02/2023 11:40

I would absolutely not call him. Get on with your day and make other plans. If you hear from him later on, tell him that he was vague and then didn't respond so you assumed something came up for him. Basic communication is the bare minimum, hope you enjoy your day nevertheless!

Goldandpurplezebra · 08/02/2023 11:43

Call him

TheFretfulPorpentine · 08/02/2023 11:50

Unless he is lying unconscious on a trolley somewhere, he ought to have been in touch with you by now to let you know what is happening.

Zhougzhoug · 08/02/2023 11:52

I missed the bit where he left your last text on read. Even if he got his days confused or plans were too vague that's not good. No way would I call him. 100% go out for a nice day without him. If he calls you at 3pm then at least you can be like "oh, I forgot about you lol I've gone shopping / to an exhibition / met up with a friend..." He can catch you up and grovel if he's that fussed.

Cosycover · 08/02/2023 11:52

I wouldn't contact him again

TheSnowyOwl · 08/02/2023 11:56

I would get on with your day now and assume things are over between the two of you. If he comes back with an acceptable justification, then you can reassess but otherwise try to forget about him.

Iwantabloodypizza · 08/02/2023 12:01

Ugh, I’d hate this. It takes seconds to
fire a text off, even just to say “sorry something has come up. I will explain later”.

So rude.

You’ve already wasted your morning. Go and do something nice yourself.

Jafffffacakes · 08/02/2023 12:02

I’d have gone out at 10am and then binned him unless a really good explanation came forth.

Roseyposeypudding · 08/02/2023 12:07

I’d leave my phone on to see if he gets in touch but would definitely not contact him literally EVER again if he doesn’t get in touch. Don’t give him the satisfaction - if he’s ghosting you, it’s best he thinks you don’t care. For the sake of your dignity if nothing else.

Heyboooo · 08/02/2023 12:14

Can you call?

Minikievs · 08/02/2023 12:19

Hell would freeze over before I called

Hope you find something lovely to do on your day off

flabbygoldfish · 08/02/2023 12:36

Crack on with the day and wait for the story (if it ever comes) of how it was not his fault.

everlovelyjewel · 08/02/2023 13:00

how annoying. just get on with your day and enjoy it!

skippymcflippy · 08/02/2023 13:01

I wouldn't call.
I'd just go out and enjoy my day off.
But then I have NULL tolerance for behaviour like this any more now that I'm mid-40s. Not wasting a single minute more of my life on flaky people like this.

I agree that it's bizarre though. Surely you talked about it last night?

Maybe his wife is unexpectedly at home for the day instead of being at work as he planned.

Elleviss · 08/02/2023 13:16

Don't contact them anymore and go about your business as usual. You may have dodged a bullet and be thankful you have found out early enough in the relationship to move on.

xJoy · 08/02/2023 13:19

So disappointing but do not call him.
He probably wouldn't pick up.
I think the only thing to 'do' is get turned off :-(

sonjadog · 08/02/2023 13:20

I think that is really odd, especially as you were talking about it last night. I would assume something unexpected came up and that he'll be back in touch with an apology and reason some time day.

Happygone · 08/02/2023 13:22

I hope you've gone out and are enjoying your day off

Trez1510 · 08/02/2023 13:37

You say he was uncharacteristically vague. What did he actually say or text?

What you've taken as vague may be crystal clear to others?

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