Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your dc was described as 'spacey' 'away with the fairies' 'daydreamer' and it wasn't ASD then what was it?

144 replies

PaulHeymanHairline · 08/02/2023 09:08

Basically I'm looking at the most recent criteria for ASD diagnosis and I'm not sure my dd fits anymore. I'm not too bothered as she seems to have caught up in school more or less but I'm still concerned as her teachers say she's very much 'not present' during the majority of her lessons.
ASD was first raised when she was 2 and I suppose I've always thought of her in this context, she didn't have a diagnosis but her nursery made special care plans around her sensory needs and anxiety. I didn't mention to them that the health visitors had mentioned it but they independently raised it with me.
The school have been great but even they disagree amongst themselves whether it is ASD or ADD or some other sensory processing thing.
I just wondered if it could be personality. Has anyone else had a similar type of child who hasn't received a diagnosis? And if so then did they grow out of it and become more present or do they continue to live in a sort of half day dreamy state of semi reality.
I have a lot of empathy for my DD as I also spend my time with a sort of internal story playing in my head. I am very creative and think sort of visual images and narratives for things rather than rational plans. I genuinely thought everyone's mind was like this until recently. I am not ASD and I can focus if I need to, it takes a lot of concentration. If I have to do something with numbers or dates I have to work up to it and break it up and I will get 50% of the numbers wrong. Luckily I don't have to di this in my job!

OP posts:
MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 08/02/2023 12:30

ADHD, hearing difficulties, information processing delay.

Phrenologistsfinger · 08/02/2023 12:39

I was like this as a child and I have been diagnosed as an adult with inattentive ADHD, getting a diagnosis was amazing and has explained so many of my difficulties!

Youcunnyfunt · 08/02/2023 12:43

Just throwing this out there, because I'm 100% not ASD, but as a teenager and child I was often described this way... two things that likely contributed: I never slept particularly well and often just didn't sleep enough. It made me sleepy in the daytime. Secondly, I often coasted in lessons. I didn't need to pay attention or listen to get close to top marks. It was utter boredom from the repetitious information. School just wasn't particularly challenging.

Does she get enough sleep and does she feel challenged enough in classes?

CrazyCorgi · 08/02/2023 12:44

Has he been checked for epilepsy? Certain types of seizures can make you feel like this (complex partial seizures being one of them)

Youcunnyfunt · 08/02/2023 12:45

Or... not necessarily that she's bored from a lack of challenge, but does she actually even enjoy school? Some kids just aren't academic or don't enjoy lessons, and find the whole thing incredibly boring.

Youcunnyfunt · 08/02/2023 12:49

And definitely get eyes and ears checked. A big reason for me spacing out in class was not being able to read the whiteboard! I only got glasses at 18 😬It was lucky that I was able to memorise a lot of information - because I couldn't read the board if I was allocated a seat at the back of the room 😂

Friarclose · 08/02/2023 21:09

I was like this as a child and still am to some degree. I have dyspraxia and ADHD

Hermanfromguesswho · 08/02/2023 21:14

ADHD

Redraddisho27 · 08/02/2023 21:17

My daughter is dyslexic and very similar to what you describe.

sjxoxo · 08/02/2023 21:19

Going against the grain here but maybe she’s just bored?!?! Sounds like she’s bored at school to me. I am creative too, crap with numbers. Only really get passionate about things I enjoy. I don’t think I have ADHD.. I think it’s just who I am! Logically if someone isn’t really paying attention, it’s because they’re not interested. I reckon she’s bored and probably has a great imagination. Xox

Whycanineverever · 08/02/2023 21:19

My DD was diagnosed dyspraxic at 6. I used to describe her as floating along in a world of fluffy unicorns and rainbows.

I got her diagnosed so she didn't get told off by teachers when she could not focus. She also struggled during lockdown in home learning and I was able to get her a school place in the second school closure.

She is now at secondary and the 'label' is even more important to get the support she needs as she worries about a lot of things.

I think it's much better to get the diagnosis young when it may not matter so much so you have it for later when it's really needed

Whycanineverever · 08/02/2023 21:20

StuntNun · 08/02/2023 10:13

One of my DS is a dreamer like that and he definitely doesn't have autism or ADHD. He has dyslexia accompanied by visual and auditory processing difficulties and poor short-term memory. I do wonder whether he has dyspraxia because he has poor manual dexterity, drops and spills things, can't tie his shoelaces etc. BUT he could ride a bike without stabilisers at age 2 which seems like it should be impossible for a child with motor dyspraxia.

They do asses both fine and gross motor skills - maybe he is only affected by fine motor skills issues.

StuntNun · 08/02/2023 21:22

Thanks @Whycanineverever that's really interesting. He can ride a bike and ice skate and skateboard but ask him to do a tie or a shoelace and it's hopeless. We all know not to let him hold the popcorn at the cinema because he will drop it.

Dontlistitonfacebook · 08/02/2023 21:22

Yes, just personality for mine. Was looked at re ADHD as an adult ( doesn't have it).

AndNowIKnowWhatHappened · 09/02/2023 00:53

Two of mine were described like this by teachers but have grown up to be fully functioning adults with healthy happy relationships and good careers. I think the ups found school boring, they found the work too easy so daydreamed instead.

I wasn't worried about them as they were happy and playful at home.

MyopicBunny · 09/02/2023 01:13

It's quite unusual to have ADHD and not also be on the spectrum.

learieonthewildmoor · 09/02/2023 02:16

Your DD could have an auditory figure background processing difficulty. It’s difficulty screening out background noise to focus on what the teacher is saying. Older people find the same problem with hearing aids.

ppure · 09/02/2023 03:12

Cuppasoupmonster · 08/02/2023 09:27

That was all my school reports! I’m a day dreamer; end of. It doesn’t mean special needs Confused

This.

Vanillazebra · 09/02/2023 03:13

It’s adhd

Valhalla17 · 09/02/2023 03:40

I would just assume she's probably a dreamy pisces like me 😊

TitaniaTheBold · 09/02/2023 04:25

Sounds like ADHD to me (both my dc have it although they are both autistic too). At a guess I would say you also have ADHD, look up hyperfocus re, ADHD, means you can focus when you need to but at a cost (ie you will be exhausted afterwards).

@MyopicBunny - I know they are co-morbid conditions but I don't think that your statement is true It's quite unusual to have ADHD and not also be on the spectrum - maybe you meant have some autistic traits - which is a completely different thing?

I would say the reverse is possibly more of the reality, that many people with ASC have ADHD. I think it is very common to have ADHD and not be autistic (which is what being on ' the spectrum' means). Possibly the most damaging word ever associated with a condition, it implies you can be a little bit autistic or VERY autistic which is bollocks, you are either autistic or you are not. How it affects the individual and their ability to cope with every day life obviously varies enormously. BTW - none of that is a dig at you personally MyopicBunny just the view of a worn down parent of 'high functioning' - bloody awful term - dc who people see are 'hardly' autistic - because dc mask well enough in public to cover up the sensory struggles, meltdowns, enormous levels of anxiety etc that come out when they feel 'safe' to let the mask drop.

greenspaces4peace · 09/02/2023 04:29

@MyopicBunny
only 14% of children with ADHD have ASD.
however 70% of children with ASD also have ADHD.
so it’s not that uncommon to only have ADHD.

Itisbetter · 09/02/2023 04:42

High IQ

Lemme · 09/02/2023 05:01

It’s not a label, it’s a diagnosis. Why are people so rude? Diagnosis can make a massive difference to treatment, access to benefits, obligations that schools have to deliver a learning style that helps the child to learn, inform parenting strategies, quite apart from helping one cope with one’s own self through a better understanding of why one struggles in certain areas.

OP - I also think inattentive ADHD. Perhaps autism or deafness. Speak to her teachers, get her on the CAHMS waiting list, wait times for assessment can unfortunately take 24 months.

Joshitai · 09/02/2023 05:09

PaulHeymanHairline · 08/02/2023 09:08

Basically I'm looking at the most recent criteria for ASD diagnosis and I'm not sure my dd fits anymore. I'm not too bothered as she seems to have caught up in school more or less but I'm still concerned as her teachers say she's very much 'not present' during the majority of her lessons.
ASD was first raised when she was 2 and I suppose I've always thought of her in this context, she didn't have a diagnosis but her nursery made special care plans around her sensory needs and anxiety. I didn't mention to them that the health visitors had mentioned it but they independently raised it with me.
The school have been great but even they disagree amongst themselves whether it is ASD or ADD or some other sensory processing thing.
I just wondered if it could be personality. Has anyone else had a similar type of child who hasn't received a diagnosis? And if so then did they grow out of it and become more present or do they continue to live in a sort of half day dreamy state of semi reality.
I have a lot of empathy for my DD as I also spend my time with a sort of internal story playing in my head. I am very creative and think sort of visual images and narratives for things rather than rational plans. I genuinely thought everyone's mind was like this until recently. I am not ASD and I can focus if I need to, it takes a lot of concentration. If I have to do something with numbers or dates I have to work up to it and break it up and I will get 50% of the numbers wrong. Luckily I don't have to di this in my job!

I have ASD and ADHD and that was most of my childhood. I never “grew” out of it, the nature of my distractions changed.