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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you believe in karma? They destroyed my life and got away with it

32 replies

Newmum1998 · 08/02/2023 08:38

To cut a very very long story short my ex is a drug addict and was abusive to me and our child. I left him and he took me to court for access to our child. He and his family all lied in court and made various false allegations about me and denied ex has any drug problems. The court believed them as I did not have proof of most of what happened as it mostly went on behind closed doors. His family know how bad he is though, he has stolen from them for years for money for drugs and they had to get CCTV at their house as so many people were at their door threatening them over money he owed them for drugs and their property has been vandalised countless times because of this. He is also unable to hold down any job due to his drug problems and his family know about jobs he has lost because he’s been caught taking drugs at work.
They also know he abused his ex girlfriend and saw him being abusive to me and our child but they lied and denied this of course.

My ex has walked away with lots of court ordered contact (including overnights) with our one year old child and I have to do handovers with his family. So I have to face the people that went to court and told so many lies about me every single week and they are awful to me during handovers to top it off. I’m very worried for my child’s safety as my ex is so volatile and has already put out child in danger so many times. My ex and his family are very very smug they have gotten away with it all and gotten everything they wanted in court. My life has just been destroyed and I just can’t believe it’s all real...

so my question is do you believe in karma? Because I really wish they would get some and the truth would finally come out.. this all feels like a nightmare

OP posts:

Lockheart · 08/02/2023 08:39

There is no such thing as karma.

The best thing you can do is move on and live your life well.

follyfoot37 · 08/02/2023 08:41

Rather than asking about karma, why not explore options open to you through courts and social services?
You say that you child has been 'put in danger so many times already'... well for heaven's sake, why aren't you trying to get your child out of a position of danger?

Emotionalstorm · 08/02/2023 08:43

I'm sorry to hear this. If it makes you feel any better, my parents divorced when I was young. The custody/visitation situation was not too dissimilar to your kid's one. My dad's family was rather toxic and I chose to go NC after I became an adult.

Lovethatforyou · 08/02/2023 08:43

Yeah forget karma and explore options.

Lifesyoungdream · 08/02/2023 08:44

People only believe in karma when it happens to other people.
If I believed in karma that would mean when bad things have happened to me and I’ve had a few thatI’ve deserved it.

BlueKaftan · 08/02/2023 08:44

Live your own life with integrity and explore your options.

Cocopogo · 08/02/2023 08:47

Don’t give up. Get a statement for the employer who fired him for taking drugs, get a statement from the ex-gf but unfortunately taking drugs is not a reason not to see you child. Lots of drug addicts parent their children.
what steps can be put in place to make your ex a better parent? The court isn’t interested too much on what’s been before, if he has convinced the court of a renewed motivation to be a better parent then the judge will want to give him and your child a chance.

Original poster

Newmum1998 · 08/02/2023 08:48

follyfoot37 · 08/02/2023 08:41

I tried I really really tried to protect my son but the court did not believe me as I did not have the proof. They only listened to the very little I could actually prove with evidence. My ex presented himself completely different in court to how he actually is and he just lied and lied.

OP posts:

coffeeisthebest · 08/02/2023 08:53

That sounds awful OP. I don't believe in karma no, but I do believe in protecting your own child who is at risk. You need to look into your options going forward.

BibbleandSqwauk · 08/02/2023 08:53

As others have said, karma is nonsense and it will only make you miserable if you wait for some mysterious life force to pay him back. If you cannot influence the court etc, work within the bounds of what you CAN control and do that 100% brilliantly. Ignore totally what anyone else thinks about him or you other than insofar as to keep your child safe. As others said, you make your own situation as great as possible. Financially, health wise, all of it. You get satisfaction from knowing you are not an abusive drug addict who ruins others' lives.

Original poster

Newmum1998 · 08/02/2023 08:58

i didn’t go into all the details in my post as it would have just been far far too long but believe me I have explored all my options as the only thing I want is to keep my child safe but the court has made their decision. There is nothing I can do unless new evidence comes to light but my ex and his family will just keep all that goes on during contact secret and my son is only one so he can’t tell me if he’s unsafe.

OP posts:

Dogcafedreamer · 08/02/2023 09:02

Do not rely on karma, it's a pipe dream!

IncompleteSenten · 08/02/2023 09:04

I'm sorry you've been through so much awful shit but no, there's no such thing as karma.

There's no balancing force in the universe that punishes people for their sins. Sadly.

The only times people appear to have had 'karma' is when their actions have led directly to consequences. Consequences not divine intervention.

Eg punching someone - getting arrested. Consequence.

Punching someone. A year later you fall down a man hole and break your legs - not karma. Just a random completely unrelated accident.

Devoutspoken · 08/02/2023 09:05

Karma is another way of saying his life choices will eventually trip him up

exwhyzed · 08/02/2023 09:05

Have you had any social services involvement yet?

if you feel he is a direct risk to your child during his contact time then that is a matter for social services.

it sounds like it's highly likely though that this has just been about 'winning' for him and his family. What are the chances that during his contact time your son will be dumped on the same family that have backed him up? You may find the amount of contact they actually want dwindles now they feel like they have won.

let this play out for a little bit. Do you have much family support?

WinterFoxes · 08/02/2023 09:06

Challenge the decision. Make it very clear that you know the court has been lied to and you want SS to continue to closely m,onitor your child for safety while in her father's care. That way the notes are on file when he slips up, which he will.

Meanwhile, put it in a box. Don't let it eat you up. Focus on building a strong, secure life for yourself and your child. Live well. The best revenge.

Roseyposeypudding · 08/02/2023 09:09

The concept of karma is misunderstood. It’s supposed to occur in the next life, not this one. So if you’re a right dickhead in this life you’ll pay in the next. I don’t believe in this though

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 09:16

Courts do not go by what people say, they need evidence and proof

It is not a beleive one side over the other side

So what has your solicitor explained to you has happened?

ArcticSkewer · 08/02/2023 09:29

This is you opting out!

No, karma is not a thing.

You need to do the best you can and keep going. If you have concerns, Social Services are there to speak to.

I doubt he will be interested in day to day parenting. Make it clear you enjoy your free time when he has your child. Disengage. Unless it involves your child's safety - in which case police or social services!

Rookriver · 08/02/2023 09:41

Agree with others, I suspect once the actual parenting starts, he'll soon lose interest. Log any further abusive behaviour from any of them, but generally try to remain calm with them at handovers and they'll get bored of trying to wind you up.

Dotjones · 08/02/2023 09:49

Karma doesn't mean that everyone ends up with an equal balance, that the bad things they've done have been paid for in the bad treatment they've received. If this was the case, what have you done OP that makes you feel you deserve the experience you've had?

To me karma just means that, overall, everything balances out. Some people get shitted on, other people are hanging off the building doing the shitting. Overall, it balances. We can see this everywhere in our daily lives, in a company a lot of people slave away for a pittance doing a job they hate, building karma credit, and the shareholders take the fruits of their labour, balancing the karma books.

Workawayxx · 08/02/2023 09:49

I’m not sure if I believe in karma or not. I think you need to play the long game and do things others have suggested:

Keep a dated diary of everything done/said plus records of any text messages or emails etc

See a solicitor to find out what type of information you would need - they may have ideas

grey rock the family on pick ups and drop offs - no emotion or interest in them. Tell them nothing but don’t be hostile. Let them think you have no care or interest in them or him.

Play the long game and be clever about how to get evidence.

work on yourself to achieve as happy and stable life as possible.

Ifnottodaywhen · 08/02/2023 09:54

follyfoot37 · 08/02/2023 08:41

She has been through the courts to protect her child though. And they all lied and so she didn't win.

OP, that sounds awful. All I can advise at the moment is to document anything at all and try and gain evidence so you can go back to court/to social services. You have my utter sympathies.

user1496262496 · 08/02/2023 10:03

In the Vedic traditions, Karma isn’t something that is necessarily instantaneous. Karma might not happen until a person’s rebirth in to the next life. Good deeds (dharma) lead to good karma and a better station in life in a person’s next incarnation. For example, a good person might be re-born in to a life of wealth and good health, a bad person might come back as a slug in their next life, or be born in to a lower caste (class) of people. They might also suffer terribly in their next life.

In western neo-paganism there is a belief that what you reap, you will gather… whatever you give out you will get back ten fold. This is different to karma.

Totalwasteofpaper · 08/02/2023 10:14

Honestly... you are playing the wrong game.

Hoping for "the truth" to come out and "karma" to get them is a waste of time.
You need to work smarter not harder and play them at their own game.

Also your child is 1... there are decades of this left. Play the long game.

Get social workers on your side. Record them, save and document texts emails etc.

In terms of them being vile at drop offs. Disengage. Just ring the bell, say "hi how are you?" kiss your child goodbye and a quick "mummy will see you later" hand her over and walk away. No explaining he needs x or y or his nap has changed to 11 from 10. Just hand over and leave. Anything you need to explain do it in email.
Let them supply everything dont provide stuff then you arent chasing for it back.

Be unfailingly polite to the family. You may in time be able to get to a cordial place and get info out of them that you can use in court.

use the childfree time wisely. improve your career prospects/earnings, save money and when the time arises you'll be able to afford a lawyer

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