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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend was behaving irrationally

73 replies

bellylaughsalldaylong · 07/02/2023 11:29

About two months ago I had a conversation with my friend and she mentioned buying trail running shoes. I have no idea what these are but nodded and agreed that they sounded like something she’d need. Unfortunately she said she was skint so couldn’t afford them. I again said that was a shame but she could maybe get them in the near future.

anyway, fast forward to today. I was wearing a new pair of trainers I’d bought last week. Salomons in case anyone is interested. Turned up to the school run and my friend immediately looked at the trainers and was not impressed. She said I’d rubbed her face in it because she couldn’t afford these trail running shoes.

I tried to explain to her that I have no idea what trail running shoes are and that I’d just bought a pair of shoes based on what would last for ages and see me through countless walks to to school with the kids.

she stormed off! I feel terrible and bewildered but also a bit pissed off.

OP posts:
WhatWouldHopperDo · 07/02/2023 11:31

That is a complete over reaction. Does she expect her friends not to buy anything that she can't afford herself? Hopefully she's just having a bad day and will realise she's being daft.

BabyOnBoard90 · 07/02/2023 11:34

Cost of living crisis hitting some people harder than others.

YANBU

Harlow19 · 07/02/2023 11:34

Yanbu and she 100% over-reacted

ThreeLittleDots · 07/02/2023 11:36

Yanbu, do you think she was dropping hints about wanting you to lend her money, originally?

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 07/02/2023 11:41

How very odd. YANBU to buy shoes you need or just want. I guess if she'd shown you a picture of some specific ones she was lusting after & you went & bought them straight away that might be a bit insensitive, but just ordinary trainers... she's being unreasonable & irrational!

Be my friend instead, I wouldn't even notice you were wearing new trainers 😂

out of total curiosity, how much did they cost?

Does she do trail running or does she just want them for the school run too?

purplecorkheart · 07/02/2023 11:44

YANBU. She hardly thinks that you will never buy shoes again does she? What is she like normally?

ouch321 · 07/02/2023 11:48

So you bought the ones /brand she wanted or another pair?

If the former, I can see why she thinks you're taking the mick.

OhClunge · 07/02/2023 11:48

See what she's like at pick up, she may well realise how badly she overreacted

Original poster
bellylaughsalldaylong · 07/02/2023 11:50

ouch321 · 07/02/2023 11:48

So you bought the ones /brand she wanted or another pair?

If the former, I can see why she thinks you're taking the mick.

She never mentioned any brand

OP posts:
Original poster
bellylaughsalldaylong · 07/02/2023 11:51

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 07/02/2023 11:41

How very odd. YANBU to buy shoes you need or just want. I guess if she'd shown you a picture of some specific ones she was lusting after & you went & bought them straight away that might be a bit insensitive, but just ordinary trainers... she's being unreasonable & irrational!

Be my friend instead, I wouldn't even notice you were wearing new trainers 😂

out of total curiosity, how much did they cost?

Does she do trail running or does she just want them for the school run too?

They were £160 but I bought them for £90

OP posts:
drpet49 · 07/02/2023 11:53

She’s being ridiculous. So what, she can’t afford trainers so that means you can’t buy new trainers? How childish.

Doliveira · 07/02/2023 11:55

Aw. Is she usually balanced /sane? I’d probably text a hug and say it was a coincidence about the shoes, mate, hope you ok!

DragonHouse · 07/02/2023 11:56

YANBU. Just because she can’t afford new shoes doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get any.

autienotnaughty · 07/02/2023 11:56

What's trail running? Like off track?

Ridiculous, are you not allowed to buy trainers because she wants them?

honeylulu · 07/02/2023 11:56

Yes she is BU though I just googled Salomons and it does say they are "trail running shoes" (you may have had no idea) so it might have stung a bit. But if you don't have form for deliberately buying stuff she longs for and can't afford she should have kept her gob shut. (My friend has a wealthy acquaintance who does exactly this though my friend finds it weird and distasteful rather than upsetting.)

vivainsomnia · 07/02/2023 11:57

You don't do t what trail running shoes are? It didn't say that's what it was in the description?

I have to say that acting like you have no idea would be wonder how genuine you are.

Saying that, what a complete over reaction unless it's not the first time something like this has happened before.

Ponoka7 · 07/02/2023 12:02

Unless you have form for buying what she's mentioned in the past, she's reacted ridiculously. If you can't afford something then you can't get it. Surely if she really needed them then she could easily pick a website that does pay in 3/4.

LakeTiticaca · 07/02/2023 12:15

She sounds a 13 year old and she needs to grow up.
It's not your fault she's skint
P.S I don't know what trail running shoes are either 😉

ferneytorro · 07/02/2023 12:33

Doliveira · 07/02/2023 11:55

Aw. Is she usually balanced /sane? I’d probably text a hug and say it was a coincidence about the shoes, mate, hope you ok!

Hmm - I'm torn on this. I think the friend needs to reflect and apologise. Alternatively I would text "what the f*ck was that all about " - and yes I know you can swear on Mumsnet but if I do I worry I will do it in a Teams chat by mistake!

smittenkittennn · 07/02/2023 12:37

I wouldn't have remembered a casual convo re wanting non-specific shoes. Hell I probably wouldn't have remembered actually looking at a link or whatever either if it was two months ago! Add me to the - don't know what trail shoes are either brigade. Sounds like an off day and hopefully she'll come back tail between legs embarrassed re the major over-reaction.

qazxc · 07/02/2023 12:43

Yanbu are you never meant to buy new shoes?
As PP have said maybe if she had talked about a specific shoe and you shown up in them, it might be seen as insensitive. But that's not what you describe.

Minikievs · 07/02/2023 12:46

YANBU
And she's being a bit bonkers.
However, speaking as a skint person with friends who are way more financially comfortable, sometimes it hits more you than other times!
Hopefully she'll realise she's been a bit of a nob and will apologise

BurntOutGirl · 07/02/2023 12:53

Trail running shoes are for runners who go on mud, grass gravel etc.

I wouldn't wear my trail shoes for walking on pavements as it would ruin the grip.. and might be counterproductive as they would slip due to the type of tread.

UdoU · 07/02/2023 12:54

She thinks she can guilt trip you into buying her a pair too. She can fuck off.

Tessasanderson · 07/02/2023 12:55

Whilst in general she was totally unreasonable, is there a history of you doing this?

One off, no problem. If every time she gets herself something or mentions she wants something and you turn up with it.....hmmm.

I know people who do this and tbh we just stopped being their friends. Mention a birthday present for our DC or something we want for our house. 2 weeks later their child would be wearing the same item or they had the the thing we wanted for the house. Our DC would spend weeks looking forward to their birthday present only to have it gazumped by friends kid who didnt give a hoot about it and never wanted it in the first place. Not cool

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