AIBU to ask ex partner for half his wage?

[AliceNutter]

Ex p left about a decade ago and shortly after got sacked from his job. The twat. He’s been more or less unemployed since then bar some seasonal/winter work some bloke rings him up and gives him, consisting of 8-10 weeks part time work.

We have 2 DC together although my eldest left for university in September. Dd is 13.

He has had a child with the person he left me for, but kept them a secret until last June, so he hasn’t done any weekends up till then. So I’ve done it all alone.

He’s asked me how much I want from him but the thing is this time round I’m really struggling for money. My work has taken a massive hit from Covid plus this cost of living crisis, I’m trying to get new work but frankly I’m a ball of anxiety about it all. My friend said ask for bloody half his money! Normally I dutifully go to cm/s calculator and ask for the percentage suggested on that, but given this is his only maintenance I can expect for another year that seems ridiculous 😭

I’m aware I must sound like a complete wet lettuce, but I don’t know how to part this man from his money ! So. AIBU?

If he’s choosing only to work for a maximum of a quarter of each year, I have no issue with your requesting half of what he earns in that period.

Presumably he is finding a way to support himself and his other child for the other nine months of the year, so he can carry on living off that for the other three, as well as half what he earns in the same period. He’ll still be better off in those three months than he is the rest of the year (which is more than he deserves, in the circumstances you’ve outlined).

It all feels rather precarious, though. Good luck, OP.

Work out how much the children cost then ask for half of it. Food, clothes, hobbies, school, activities etc. It will be hard for him to argue against that.

Your problem is "half what money?". Seriously you can ask for what you want but if he's working for 10 weeks in a season what money are you expecting him to give you half of?

He had another child and he has to pay for presumably half another house to live in.

If you both earnt £1000, and he paid £500 are you saying that you also pay £500 for your child so they need £1000 while you and he would only need £500 each to pay for accommodation food etc for the 1 of you?

Just go to CMS

I agree. The cost of the child is the difference between housing/heating etc for the parent and the cost of the housing/heating etc for the parent and child. So the extra room, the extra units of energy. Not the whole rent.

You're having a giraffe surely?

Go through CMS but you won't be getting half.

It’s not that YABU, I think YANBU, but given what you have said about your ex, asking for half his pay will likely result in you getting £0.

It’s better to ask for an amount that he can budget for…it doesn’t sound like his jobs pay very well anyway.

My fiancés ex pulled this crap. He took her to court to have a judge determine how much he should pay… she got less than he originally tried to offer AND it cost her more in attorney fees than she would’ve gotten over the next 15 years if she had just agreed to his offer of 30% instead of 50% of his salary.

we are in the US so it’s a little different. But a cautionary tale.

Morally this might be more than justified.

Legally you’re not likely to get it. Work out what CMS amount is as a guide. You can ask for whatever you think reasonable, but this will be the most that can be enforced.

It’s a bit odd he’s just said “how much do you want” rather than making an offer himself though.

50% of his wage for 1 child when he has himself and another child to support?

OP had been paying 100% of child related costs. Why is it OK for her to do that but a problem for the other parent to split his wage equally between his 2 children?

I’m a huge fan of getting paying parents to cough up but 50% of their wages is ridiculous. You also have the responsibility to support your child, not just him

OP has been taking 100% responsibility for bringing up children who have two able-bodied parents who could have been working. Except one hasn't been bothering. Why is she the one in the wrong here? He morally owes her, surely?

By all means ask, but I guarantee you won’t get.

He sounds like a useless sack of minge though. Sympathies.

OP had been paying 100% of child related costs. Why is it OK for her to do that but a problem for the other parent to split his wage equally between his 2 children?

Because he needs to pay for himself too and this will be at least half, if not the bulk, of his wage. He can't JUST split his money between his children.

Ask for half and see what he says. If he says no, what have you really lost?

Just go to the CMS and open a case. Be quick, if you claim now you may still get some maintenance money for your older child (you can only ask for payments for the three months before the case opened and until September after they turn 18).

You normally get 15% for one child or 20% for two or more, provided they do have almost no overnights at their dad. There will be a small discount in maintenance due to his other child.

Just google CMS options and claim ASAP. It may not be much but it is better than nothing.

And no, don’t ask for half. The only way you will get more than 15-20% is out of good will (if there is any left so do not ruin it with unreasonable demands)

Remember, this is not about fairness unfortunately, it is about applying the rules.