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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is odd?

71 replies

MonkeyDoodles · 05/02/2023 12:55

Friend came over to my house on her lunch break Friday.
She said she had eaten on the way over but I felt it probably wasn't enough food so offered several times to make her a proper lunch. In the end she snapped at me that she was fine. Aibu to think this was an over reaction ?

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 05/02/2023 13:23

It sounds like you just kept going on; ask once maybe twice to be sure but why go on?

ancientgran · 05/02/2023 13:29

Are you from the same culture? I know it varies, friend from another culture was at uni in UK. Invited to spend Christmas with an English family. Given food, more was offered and they declined as is polite in their culture, they were expecting to be asked again a couple of times but they weren't so went home hungry. In her culture it would be rude to accept first time so you have to ask two or 3 times. She felt it was rude to only offer once until we explained that would be normal here.

LadyLaLaa · 05/02/2023 13:31

She said she was fine.
You should have left it at that.
YABU.

MaybeSmaller · 05/02/2023 13:31

YABU
Not odd or an over reaction. Offering once is fine, but offering several times when I'd already said I was full would just be annoying.

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 05/02/2023 13:32

It does read like a reverse.

If its not - you should have offered, when she said no you should have asked her to let you know if she changes her mind, and that should have been it.

TheSnowyOwl · 05/02/2023 13:33

YABU and also YABU to still be festering over it.

IAmcuriousyellow · 05/02/2023 13:34

She was pissed off at being pecked at that’s all. Take the hint next time.

Justmeandthedog1 · 05/02/2023 13:35

MonkeyDoodles · 05/02/2023 13:07

Because I don't think I deserved to be snapped at.
I knew she had a long afternoon ahead also. Things were left awkward and tense afterwards also.

If she’s 10 and you’re her mother I can see you’d want to make sure your child didn’t get hungry half way through afternoon lessons.
But if this is a fully grown adult who’d declined your offer, you don’t keep on about food. I’m not surprised she snapped at you.

WhatInFreshHell · 05/02/2023 13:39

I would have snapped at you too!

LondonJax · 05/02/2023 13:42

MonkeyDoodles · 05/02/2023 13:07

Because I don't think I deserved to be snapped at.
I knew she had a long afternoon ahead also. Things were left awkward and tense afterwards also.

What does 'a long afternoon ahead' actually mean? Afternoons last as long as they normally do - until early evening surely? So if she had a sandwich every lunch time she'd know if that was enough to last her until her next meal wouldn't she?

And, as an adult, she doesn't need to 'stoke up on food' if she's eating a bit late. She's not going to fade away even if she didn't eat again until breakfast!

She's a grown up - leave her alone. At best why not just say 'well, the offer stands if you change your mind' and leave it at that?

MavisMcMinty · 05/02/2023 13:42

Is she very slim? Do you think she might have an eating disorder and was lying to you about having eaten? Pushing food onto someone with an eating disorder is not at all helpful, FYI.

Notaboutyouthistime · 05/02/2023 13:43

Very strange.

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/02/2023 13:43

Yes I would have snapped too, I hate people fusing over my food intake! Sometimes I’m on medical milkshakes, I hate explaining this so just say I’ve eaten, sometimes I’m on a diet to lose weight and cba explaining, sometimes I’ve stuffed my face with McDs drive thru and don’t want to be judged so say I’ve had a sandwich en-route. None of this is anyone else’s business. I’ve said no thank you. So just leave it there.

DestinysGrandchild · 05/02/2023 13:44

She had already eaten.

She said no the first time you asked.

She said no every other time you asked.

Why where you going on?
I'm guessing she's not 5 and you're not her mum?

Get over it.

Bellalalala · 05/02/2023 13:47

There was no need for you to offer several times.

She said no. You tried to push her into accepting. She snapped.

If you don’t want to me made to feel awkward then simply accept peoples first answer.

But I suspect it’s a reverse anyway and I guess the other person has a different take on the situation.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 05/02/2023 13:47

Yes it was odd, why do you think you know her food needs more than she knows herself?!

I hate having food pushed onto me. Most of the time I am trying to regulate my own food intake. I don't need anyone else's idea of what I should be eating. I am a fully functional adult.

Ask once. Listen to what they reply. Don't keep on.

NeverHadANickname · 05/02/2023 13:48

You were rude, offering once is enough, maybe with an are you sure tagged on. To ask several times was too much and I'd have probably snapped too. She used her lunch break to spend time with you only for you to go on about food and likely went back to work not in the best mood after that.

TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 13:48

I can't stand people who won't take no for an answer and who think they know my appetite better than I do myself.

Soubriquet · 05/02/2023 13:49

The hell is wrong with you?

If you offer me food and I say no, I mean no. I don’t need you insisting.

Accept a no

JustMaggie · 05/02/2023 13:50

Are you Mediterranean OP? Some Mediterraneans follow the "3 time rule", where they won't take no for an answer until they've offered 3 times, on the premise that the guest will be too shy or not want to put the host to extra trouble. It took me a little while to understand that you only need to ask once here in the UK

Spiderboy · 05/02/2023 13:51

I’d of snapped at you too. I’m a grown-up and can decide if i am hungry or not.

Coxspurplepippin · 05/02/2023 13:53

Very annoying behaviour on your part on 2 counts -

1st, not listening to your friend and continuing to harp on at her after she'd told you she didn't want any food.

2nd, if this is a reverse, which reading your op, couched as it is to make the 'friend' look like the reasonable one, it probably is.

UnctuousUnicorns · 05/02/2023 13:54

YWBVU not to have just strapped her to a chair, clamped her mouth open and shoved your delicious food down the ungrateful cah's throat.

But seriously, "I felt it probably wasn't enough food" 🤔
Wtf are you to decide whether or not someone has had enough food? Is she a child? Are you her mum? No and no. You should have accepted her polite refusal immediately. How annoying for her that you didn't.

Wishimaywishimight · 05/02/2023 13:56

You were annoying and didn't listen when she said "no" the first time. Presumably, as an adult, she can decide when she needs food and when she doesn't. To think you knew better was very patronising.

JudgeRudy · 05/02/2023 13:59

Are you Mrs Doyle?
Gwaarn, gwaarn, gwaarn....

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