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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or was I, to tell this miserable child-hating git at a restaurant where to go today

67 replies

SaveScrabulous · 07/02/2008 14:13

Went out to lunch with ds (2.5) to a restaurant today. Just the two of us for a treat.
Ds goes out to eat reasonably often and is usually very well behaved.

Ds was so good, but made miaow noises once (as you do when you're 2 but they were not loud) and the grumpy git two tables away looks up and stares. I ask ds to be (even) quieter which he does. A little later ds got the giggles a couple of times, not even that loudly. Again every time, grumpy git clearly looks up and stares in an annoyed way. I hear his dining companion (presumably his wife) say "oh come on, he's only laughing". So clearly it wasn't just my imagination/ paranoia.
No one else in there was remotely bothered and I don't see why they would be - ds stayed sitting in his chair the whole meal, not running around and didn't do anything else loud at all (too busy scoffing his pasta and ice cream!) and I spent the rest of the time trying to work out whether to say anything to the grumpy git.

At the end of the meal I went over and calmly said "I'm so sorry if my son's jollity seems to have spoilt your meal a little". To which he replied "Yes it did a little but thank you for coming to say that - it is good of you" (no sarcasm on his part)
To which I said with deeply sarcastic tone "well it's very sad that you feel like that" and walked off.

Ok so this was not McDonalds, it was a gastro pub but it was reasonably busy, there was jazz music on so the room wasn't hushed. It is not Gordon Ramsay ffs. ARGH! I am only just calming down now. A*hole man.

OP posts:

mcnoodle · 07/02/2008 15:35

Thing is, I got all flushed and fluttery and angry at the time. It's the only time that anyone has 'told off' my PFB, and for no good reason that I could fathom. Hence my being all assertive and protective.

Afterwards I just thought 'silly, dried up old bag, was she really worth getting so worked up about'?

On balance. YES.

Bloody nerve of the woman.

alittleone2 · 07/02/2008 16:08

Message withdrawn

Blu · 07/02/2008 16:16

I thnk it was fine to speak to him...BUT it seems to be you and your reaction that made your lunch miserable for yourself...and you have been stewing about it ever since.

It's not your problem if he is so unreasnable as to react badly to a small child behaving comepletely acceptably. Once you are sure that you are NOT in the wrong - ignore and enjoy your lunch!

ALMummy · 07/02/2008 16:33

YANBU - what a t*at. I would have just kept giving him massive grins in a "Isnt my kid cute?" sort of way. I hate this kind of attitude.

If my kids have ever have tantrums in public (not that yours was OP) and any one comments or tuts, I always say "What?, This has never happened to you then?" I think people forget sometimes.

lucyellensmum · 07/02/2008 17:35

today my mother and i took DD (again 2.5) to a cafe for lunch. She kicked off big time when we got there because my mum dared to touch HER menu. The guy came over to ask what we wanted. I asked would they do a child size roast dinner, he said no - we have a childrens menu, i say, yes, but there is nothing that isnt regurgitated chicken shapes or fish fingers and chips. I said, we will just have a full roast please. He looked at me like i was mad!! DD ate it ALL!!!! [proud]

Why do cafes and resturants just assume we want to feed our children tasteless shite?

To be fair, we do usually find lots of places very accomodating.

DD showed her appreciated by shouting "piss off" at my mum in teh loudest, clearest voice she could muster. . Not impressed!!!

No one seemed to take any notice though.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 07/02/2008 17:43

Someone made a comment about this the other day and it is because the food comes in adult size prepacked cartons ready to ping in the microwave!

LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 17:53

God, that's the most annoying thing, when you apologise sarcastically and they think you really mean in. You've probably made him feel justified in being annoyed.
Miserable git. if it had been some young lad at your table laughing with his workmates the old git wouldn't have batted an eyelid.
This country so has the wrong attitude towards children.

LyraSilvertongue · 07/02/2008 17:56

Lucyellensmum, we rarely order from the children's menu. We've got two boys so we order a full sized meal and an extra plate and split it. This can be a problem if they don't want the same thing but i usually manage to persuade them.
The times we have ordered from the children's menu, we've had to give them our veg because their food didn't come with any

lucyellensmum · 07/02/2008 18:04

yeah what is that all about, adult portions of the same thing invariably come with side salad. Childrens never do.

SpottyHamster · 07/02/2008 18:07

YANBU, there are some grumpy (usually) old g*ts about. No wonder teens feel alienated when some people obviously hate kids even when they ate behaving perfectly normally, and I am no apologist for badly behaved children. We were recently out for a meal with our (well behaved) DSs (not tots!) when a group of noisy shouty pensioners came in. We glared and they glared back and made even more noise. I bet they were just the sort to complain about children in restaurants too.

princessmama · 07/02/2008 18:26

There is one gastro pub we go to where they do a child size portion of salmon, potatoes and veg - we go there a lot. DD is a big fan of salmon - she's never had one of those horrible chicken nugget things. Although in said pub, I was glared at for breastfeeding my baby very discreetly. You get these idiots everywhere.

binkleandflip · 07/02/2008 19:56

I think that it did wind you up - and you wind yourself up to SaveS. Like someone else said, you knew your ds was behaving and your were in the right so you didnt need to give him the satisfaction of your apology (sarcastic or not)

binkleandflip · 07/02/2008 19:58

Sorry - WOUND yourself up

soopermum1 · 07/02/2008 22:45

i think you were being a bit unreasonable. you should have ignored him and enjoyed a nice lunch safe in the knowledge that he was already getting the harsh end of the situation by your child's perceived annoyance and his perception that his meal was ruined and his missus defending you, a stranger, rather than agreeing with him.

your child was well behaved, you had every right to be there, so you had the moral highground, without having a go at him.

theBOD · 08/02/2008 01:14

so he looks at you and does not say anything, yet somehow you have the moral high ground for going over and being sarcy.

discoverlife · 08/02/2008 02:36

I ended up in a slanging match at the local post office because DS was standing 4 foot away from a womans handbag, and she told me she didn't want him to stand that close in case he stole something. I honestly couldn't breath for a count of 10. Then I found my wits and blew up. But the feelings afterwards were so horrid.

soopermum1 · 08/02/2008 09:33

what i meant about moral highground was that the OP already had it and should have ignored the glarer, she had no reason to go over to prove a point.

inner smugness is a great thing

discoverlife, don't think inner smugness applies in your case, what a bitch!

morethanmum · 08/02/2008 09:40

Can't see why you bothered saying anything to him? I only react if someone is actually rude - glaring is just silly. I did say something when I was queuing with the baby and ds (2) and the suit behind me said to his friends 'hope I don't get stuck next to the screaming brats' v loudly. Obv. I replied. And he was, so hah hah.

Original poster

SaveScrabulous · 08/02/2008 12:12

Think it was his irritation at my son's laughing that really got to me - if he'd been irritated by any other noise it wouldn't be so bad. But to be irritated by a child's (not even loud) laughter - well bah humbug!

OP posts:

morethanmum · 08/02/2008 12:15

Hahaha. Probably my grandad. Was it in Scotland? Granny always telling to stop being so grumpy. Old men get a bit deaf and annoyed by background noise - mine once stuffed napkins in his ears to drown out muzak at Pizza Express...

LostPuppy · 08/02/2008 12:27

Why are you taking preschool children to a gastro pub? Are you loaded? People go to those places because they dont expect their meals to be disturbed by toddlers.

WaynettaSlob · 08/02/2008 12:33

Sorry - only read the OP - are you saying you had a go at this guy because of how he looked at you? He didn't say anything??

Blimey, yes YAB very U.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 12:48

Message withdrawn

LostPuppy · 08/02/2008 13:11

There's a difference between a two year old and a 'child' as far as the old git (and the menu) is concerned.

I personally wouldn't take my kids to somewhere like this because I wouldnt want to encounter the kind of people that go there to avoid children.

If your 2yo is like mine, it will rarely sit still for more than 15 minutes, so I'd spend half my time having to entertain him to stop him running off and bugging other diners, ruining my dining 'experience' a making it a waste of money.

Its a respect issue. I assume when you say SN you mean someone that is likely to scream out loud for little or no reason? I wouldnt take someone with SN to such a place for the same reason I wouldnt take a 2 yer old. For MY OWN sanity. It isnt enjoyable trying to eat when you know others are judging you.

MotherFunk · 08/02/2008 13:26

Message withdrawn

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