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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this text inappropriate?

35 replies

Irishwolfie · 04/02/2023 19:07

would you be upset if your partner received these text messages from their ex?

”I wish I could call you whenever I wanted to, it hurts that I can’t”

”I think it was a mistake to drive back to my place so early, I should have stayed like you said”

OP posts:
WFHbore2023 · 04/02/2023 19:08

Um, yeah

Nowthatlovehasperished · 04/02/2023 19:08

Yes

Ostryga · 04/02/2023 19:09

Yes massively. And the moment I saw them I’d be planning my exit because I promise you no dick on this planet is worth the stress you’ll put yourself through if you stay.

Idontliketea · 04/02/2023 19:10

Yes, out of order!!
Did your DP tell you about the messages? Did he reply?

LolaSmiles · 04/02/2023 19:10

Are we voting on whether it's inappropriate or whether we'd be upset?

I'd not be upset with my partner for those texts unless the conversation suggests they were encouraging it.

I do think the texts are inappropriate and ex partners shouldn't be trying to reconnect.

How did your partner respond?

LIZS · 04/02/2023 19:12

Wtf

PinkyFlamingo · 04/02/2023 19:12

Of course!

SummerHouse · 04/02/2023 19:12

Message 1) yes a massive concern.
Message 2) quite incriminating but possibly an innocent explanation.

Both = inappropriate.

Rockschooldropout · 04/02/2023 19:12

Err yes - and I can’t think of any fathomable reason why your partner Would be receiving texts like this unless he was having an affair with his ex … sorry

CinnabarRed · 04/02/2023 19:14

What’s the context?

I might be more forgiving in some scenarios - like if they share a child with health issues that might need emergency treatment at 3am, or if the ex was dropping a child off with your partner in poor weather and had a hairy drive ahead that could have been avoided if she stayed over.

Otherwise, no.

Original poster
Irishwolfie · 04/02/2023 19:16

They were together a few years ago but he ended it. They are “friends” now and see each other occasionally. They don’t have many flirty messages, but when they do message they are lengthy.

OP posts:
Stressedmum2017 · 04/02/2023 19:18

There is clearly something going on between them, I am amazed you are okay with him and his ex sending lengthy texts to each other and being 'friends'.

DarkShade · 04/02/2023 19:29

Do they have children? If not, then yes. He should not be encouraging a friendship with someone who is still obviously hung up on him.

Whiskeypowers · 04/02/2023 19:33

yes they are completely inappropriate.

What are you going to do about them?

LolaSmiles · 04/02/2023 19:39

They don’t have many flirty messages, but when they do message they are lengthy.
It's totally inappropriate and disrespectful to new partners, assuming ex also has a partner.

Out of interest who ended it?
It smacks of either:
Ex ended the relationship but now isn't happy that he's moved on with you so wants to still feel she has a hold
Or
Your DP ended it and was happy to move on, but loves the ego boost being able to keep contact because the ex still has feelings.

I'm all for exes remaining friends when break ups are amicable but this crosses so many lines.

Riverlee · 04/02/2023 19:39

Message 1) - depends on how partner reacts to it. Ignores it - fine, Replies to discourage - fine, other - not fine

Message 2) - more worrying

RedHead33 · 04/02/2023 19:41

Yes. I wouldn't be happy about this whatsoever. Sorry OP, I hope he's not encouraging anything. I wouldn't waste time in confronting him about his part to play in this as she's insinuated he asked her to stay, whatever that means it doesn't sound good x

NewNameNigel · 04/02/2023 19:42

DarkShade · 04/02/2023 19:29

Do they have children? If not, then yes. He should not be encouraging a friendship with someone who is still obviously hung up on him.

Having children with an ex isn't a free pass to disrespect your partner...

Op I wouldn't be happy this, children or not.

TheUsualChaos · 04/02/2023 19:44

Yes especially the second one! Why was he suggesting his ex stayed? And stayed where?

DaveyJonesLocker · 04/02/2023 19:44

There is 100% something between them. I'd stop getting in their way tbh

Pinkishpurpleyblue · 04/02/2023 19:46

Is there more context?

DarkShade · 04/02/2023 19:56

NewNameNigel · 04/02/2023 19:42

Having children with an ex isn't a free pass to disrespect your partner...

Op I wouldn't be happy this, children or not.

Show quote history

No of course it isn't, but it might provide context. If they were having a lovely family time and also were friends the second one might make more sense. If there had been some rigorous agreement about communication then the first one might make more sense. Having reread more carefully though I realise that this was a stupid suggestion, they'd see each other far more regularly and would be described as co parents rather than friendly exes if they had kids.

Original poster
Irishwolfie · 04/02/2023 19:58

Riverlee · 04/02/2023 19:39

Message 1) - depends on how partner reacts to it. Ignores it - fine, Replies to discourage - fine, other - not fine

Message 2) - more worrying

He replied “you can call me whenever, I’ve just been overwhelmed with work recently”

OP posts:
RealBecca · 04/02/2023 20:06

Over. One foot in an old relationship is a deal breaker.

AutumnScream · 04/02/2023 20:22

Totally inappropriate. Im sorry op i would absolutely back out of this relationship and let them have each other which they clearly want.