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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give DD smallest room

82 replies

CanStopWillStop · 04/02/2023 18:43

Looking for advice from MNers who've been in a similar position...

We're moving into a new house soon DH, DD and me. It has two doubles and one single room. DH thinks DD should have a double room for space, toys etc, but I am also WFH and know what type of storage we need (a lot!), so I'm thinking second bedroom would be better as storage cupboards, sofa bed and desk, and DD (who is 1yo) can have the smallest room.

AIBU? Will this make more work for us when we perhaps move DD into the bigger room if we have DC2?

OP posts:
AllOutofEverything · 04/02/2023 23:57

I would put her in the biggest room but have storage for other things in there. It will not be long until she needs the size and it would be a faff to move her.

MargaretThursday · 05/02/2023 00:24

Put her in the double.
If you have a second you have the choice of putting them in together and keeping the little room as an office, or putting #2 in the smaller room.

At 1yo she may not have many toys but when she's 4/5yo she will and you'll want her to play there sometimes. Changing rooms round us a hassle.

BringItOn2023 · 05/02/2023 00:40

I did the small room thing. Then had to buy a different bed, storage etc when I swapped. Was a waste of time/money.

Original poster
CanStopWillStop · 05/02/2023 00:51

Keepyourmummysboys · 04/02/2023 22:12

I never understand this and treated my daughter as equal to us as far as possible . I recall viewing our current house, which had en suite for one of the non master rooms and when I said it would suit our daughter, rhe agent saying but why would you give that to your child, she can have the smallest room.

eh. No. She can have the second biggest. She’s not lesser. I don’t understand why you’d give your child the smallest room. And save the two biggest for you and storage. Don’t you see your kid as part of the family. Or is she just an inconvenience ?

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions, super helpful and considered…

(except this one I’ve quoted, you can feck right off with this – nope, not tonight hun, I’m not in the mood thank you very much. God bless 🙏)

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 05/02/2023 01:14

She probably wont care at this age, but as she gets older she will resent you. Happened to me and it always seemed to be a message about how important I was. The bigger room was supposed to be a guest room, but no one ever stayed.

Chiasmi · 05/02/2023 01:40

I would give her the 2nd room and put the storage in with her. Less hassle than doing 2 different rooms for her in the long run.

When mine were little they shared the 2nd bedroom, their clothes all lived in a massive chest of of drawers, and the built in wardrobe was full of general household shite. You don't need a lot of floorspace for an office but in 2 or 3 years you'll be glad of a bit more floorspace in her room.

Floralnomad · 05/02/2023 01:45

I’d put her in the bigger room now and make your office in the smaller room . If you do have a second they can then share the big room and you don’t need to be moving them or the office .

Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 02:22

CanStopWillStop · 05/02/2023 00:51

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions, super helpful and considered…

(except this one I’ve quoted, you can feck right off with this – nope, not tonight hun, I’m not in the mood thank you very much. God bless 🙏)

Show quote history

Sorry but I agree with the previous poster. It’s mad you would put your only child in a box room so you can use the second double bedroom. If you have another child obviously they can share the room rather than you luxuriate in a second bedroom with your child shoved in to the smallest room. Put your child first. They won’t be a baby forever. They’ll be five before you know it and asking why mummy has the big room while they are in a tiny bedroom and they will conclude work and your possessions are more important to you than them

Quitelikeacatslife · 05/02/2023 03:22

What you suggested may be fine for a while but also, you could give her bigger room but also have storage cupboards in there, we did this for years, dd had nice big room with huge built in cupboards which had a small amount for her stuff but my long hanging stuff, suitcases, camping things , gift cards, wrapping, boxes with stored things. I mean it was a big space and we had no loft or garage. Once doors are shut can't tell
Then in box room just have desk in and office stuff

Forgooodnesssakenow · 05/02/2023 03:31

InspectorPaws · 04/02/2023 19:28

Yes, it’s a ridiculous and incredibly unfair behaviour that (for some unknown reason) parents think is entirely justified.

Show quote history

Have to disagree, it makes practical sense. We're about to move our 5 yr old into the bigger room and 1 yr old into single room. The bigger room has more room for full size bed, storage for larger clothes items, toy storage, chill out space etc and our 1 yr old just needs cotbed, clothes storage and a few bits of toy storage for now

Longer term we plan to turn our attic into a master bedroom and en suite but not before 1 yr old is around 5 as well at which point they'll both have double rooms but bigger kids have more and bigger stuff typically and spend more time in their own space than toddlers and ore schoolers

Quitelikeacatslife · 05/02/2023 03:56

"They’ll be five before you know it and asking why mummy has the big room while they are in a tiny bedroom and they will conclude work and your possessions are more important to you than them"

Said no kid ever

Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 04:12

Quitelikeacatslife · 05/02/2023 03:56

"They’ll be five before you know it and asking why mummy has the big room while they are in a tiny bedroom and they will conclude work and your possessions are more important to you than them"

Said no kid ever

You are right. They will be delighted their mum has a big room for their laptop and clothes whilst they’re in an upgraded cupboard

Raindancer411 · 05/02/2023 04:43

I second having the bigger room for your DD as our 2 year old had already accumulated a large amount of toys and some are big. An office can be the smaller. Will save you time moving her later too.

WTF475878237NC · 05/02/2023 07:55

Don't you want a guest room?

WestBridgewater · 05/02/2023 08:02

JarByTheDoor · 04/02/2023 19:53

Yeah, I guess someone who's sensitive to children getting the short straw compared to siblings because of something outside their control is more likely to be someone who was given the short straw as a child in the same way with the same justification. That's funny why?

Show quote history

So this is the thread.
It was a joke, apparently not a funny one. I was surprised at @InspectorPaws response of incredibly unfair to my innocuous original comment and replied with the first thing that came into my head. The use of 😜 was just to indicate that it was said in jest. I can’t believe that you have made this into some childhood trauma, deep down parental unfairness. The recipient of the comment responded to others and chose not to reply to me which could be because they weren’t going to dignify me with a response (which is fine) felt no response was necessary (again fine) or was so triggered they couldn’t respond (not fine but I have no way of knowing) If they feel an apology is necessary they can DM me and I will listen to what they have to say. But I think everyone needs to lighten up a bit, if having the box room was the worst thing that happened you’re doing ok. If however there’s a whole backstory, posters can’t account for every worst case scenario else no one would say anything. I think to say that the choice of giving the older child the bigger room as incredibly unfair is somewhat melodramatic. Enjoy your Sunday.

SeasonFinale · 05/02/2023 08:13

I am just laughing at the angst of some of these posts. Put her in the small room for now and just change it round when that stops working for you as a family.

Between you you'll work out when that is. But it seems better use for you to work comfortably while you can.

Andrelaxzz · 05/02/2023 08:18

Won't the kids share a room for a few years? Mine loved sharing, we had 3 in one room until the oldest was 11ish. Whenever we moved one out they would ask to go back in as they would be missing out on the chatting in bed.
We then put the youngest one in the biggest room as they played with toys for more years on the floor. Whereas the nearly teenager didn't as much.

saltwater1985 · 05/02/2023 08:27

None of my DC have EVER played in their bedrooms, (or slept in them but that's another thread).
I'd use the bigger room for the office/storage/guest room.

Tomblibooz · 05/02/2023 08:30

We put our 18mo in the box room in the same situation, and use the other double as a laundry/storage/guest room for now.

We planned to move DD (now 3.5) to the big room once we did it up, but we actually find having her in the little room with no distractions great as she's getting used to being in her own bed all night and has the freedom of a bed rather than a cot and safety gates etc. She basically has a bed and some books/soft toys in the room with her.

She does have a play area downstairs though, and is very much still wanting to be where the people are for play.

DeadButDelicious · 05/02/2023 08:32

We moved into a three bed and put DD in the box room as she was only just turned 3 at the time and wasn't playing upstairs in her room so didn't need space for toys as they were all downstairs in the dining room. Three years later she's just turned 6 and we've just had to move her into the bigger spare room (that we used as storage space). It's amazing how much crap kids accumulate.

Save yourself the hassle and just give her the bigger room now. You'll only need to figure out storage for the smaller space at some point anyway.

Whatislove82 · 05/02/2023 08:32

I love that my 10 year old DD has the smallest room.

why? Because means she brings her toys (sylvanian families and schliech horses!) in to the family room and lounge. I have years of her squirrelling herself away when she’s a teenager so for now… love that she only spends time in her bedroom to sleep

JennyDarlingRIP · 05/02/2023 08:41

We have similar set up, the main bedroom is large, the service is a good sized double which has a guest double, a large ottoman for bedding etc, large chest of drawers, wardrobe and desk set up. Used for WFH less so now, but DH occasionally plays pc games too. DS has the single room, he has a mid sleeper, in a cot/toddler bed until nearly 3 wardrobe bookshelf and chest of drawers, under the bed there are more drawers, shelving and a pull out desk. He doesn't have much floor space for playing but we also have plenty of storage downstairs for his toys and I prefer that he's not tucked away on his own in his bedroom. Also he had toys and play space in a larger bedroom at his grandparents and he's a nightmare for getting up and playing where as here he's pretty good at going to bed.

Our long term plan is to extend into the loft, we will either create two rooms and a shower room for DS bedroom/study or a big master suite for us with walk in wardrobes, meaning DS will get our current room as his bedroom and the smallest room as his study. Small children don't need a huge bedroom. YANBU

ShowOfHands · 05/02/2023 08:42

Just do what works for you right now. You can change if you need to.

As you can see, people can't avoid personal sentiment and rhetoric. Babies being shoved in rooms, housed in cupboards, imaginary 5yr olds speaking like little old ladies in their deep trauma-ridden state. This thread has it all.

whatkatydid2013 · 05/02/2023 08:45

So we didn’t do exactly this but when we had our first she went in the double room and small room became our office. When we had our second we ended up moving as we realised we couldn’t fit our office stuff comfortably in the house once the small room became hers.
It’s not so easy to downsize your space so if you think she will be in the bigger room and you’ll stay in that house longer term I wouldn’t set up so you’ll have to lose the storage you’ve got used to in a couple of years when she’s bigger.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/02/2023 09:50

She's one.

With the greatest of respect, do what suits you now as a family. You can always change things about as she gets older or if you have another child.