to give DD smallest room

[CanStopWillStop]

Looking for advice from MNers who've been in a similar position...

We're moving into a new house soon DH, DD and me. It has two doubles and one single room. DH thinks DD should have a double room for space, toys etc, but I am also WFH and know what type of storage we need (a lot!), so I'm thinking second bedroom would be better as storage cupboards, sofa bed and desk, and DD (who is 1yo) can have the smallest room.

AIBU? Will this make more work for us when we perhaps move DD into the bigger room if we have DC2?

Based on need? Balancing it with other factors like who wants a view of the garden or who wants to be closest/furthest from the bathroom? Who wants it the most? Who had the largest room in the last house? Giving one child the better room and the other the better furniture? A literal coin toss?

Is consistently and routinely giving the eldest child the better option actually fair in your mind?

Yeah, I guess someone who's sensitive to children getting the short straw compared to siblings because of something outside their control is more likely to be someone who was given the short straw as a child in the same way with the same justification. That's funny why?

You may or may not have a second baby. Children don't play in their rooms for years. Deal with what you actually need right now. I'd much prefer to have a WFH room that doubles as a guest room and put the baby in the single.

I don't know, we're moving into new 3 bed house with a 3-year-old and a one-year-old though and I can't imagine putting the older one in the smaller room. I guess what makes it seem fair is she's the one with the need for more space now, and then it just sticks. I suppose if we moved again when they're older it might be fair to swap it round.

Because it’s not that deep, usually the parents are in room 1, 2nd room is decorated for DC1, then DC2 comes along getting the remaining room and most parents aren’t going to oust DC1 from the room they’ve always been in.

I say this as someone that was in the box room myself and I don’t hold any grudges against my parents.

I’d say a three year old tends to need more space than a one year old - and, so long as each child’s needs it met, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just frustrating speaking to people and they say things like “oh DD(8) is such a light sleeper and the streetlight keeps her up all night even with the blackout curtains” and then someone would suggest “why not swap rooms with DS(9) who isn’t affected by the light?” and they’d say “oh, but the room at the back of the house is much bigger”.

Like, so damn what?! Why do people think the baseline is that the older child always gets the bigger bedroom and then completely overrides any logical or practical arrangements. I’m very much a logistician so it just irks me - it seems so wildly irrational and yet so widely practiced.

So why is it funny again, the idea that a person who challenges the idea that the eldest gets the biggest/best as standard is likely to be someone who experienced how that feels as a younger sibling? Sorry, I must be a bit thick cause I'm not getting all the 😜-worthiness.

Yeah, if there's a specific reason like that I totally agree with you.

I’d give her the biggest room, toys as they get older are huge, toy kitchens, barbie houses etc etc. Then if a sibling comes they can share and you can continue using the small room as a office.

'ridiculous' and 'incredibly unfair' is a bit OTT - for most families it makes sense because oldest child will usually need a room or a room with privacy/more room/space to do homework/have friends over earlier so it would be irrational for a bigger room to sit empty waiting for a younger child to be born/old enough to sleep alone in it while a child already born/old enough is in a smaller room. Also traditionally older child would move out first, whether for uni/to get married etc. so younger siblings would have 'a turn' at the bigger room whereas that would be unlikely to happen the other way round.

Obviously sticking to it religiously if it would actually be better for the individual children to swap/keeping the bigger room empty even when DC1 is off at uni is unfair, but if there's no extenuating circumstances then it makes sense as a baseline.

I personally would give DD the bigger room because at some point she's going to want/need it, so why create faff for the future in swapping things around. Get good storage in her room and store additional stuff in it if needed.

Whilst she won't be playing in her room now, she will later - how long will you want other rooms of the house cluttered up with bulky toys?

I would give her the second double room, make the smallest room your permanent office.

Then if you do have another, she can share the room once the baby is old enough to be out of your room.

The alternative is that if she has the small room and you kit out the bigger room as an office/spare room - when she DOES need the bigger room, needs her own desk, space for her stuff etc, you'd have to switch rooms and probably replace a lot of furniture as it won't fit the other way around.

I think I would put her certain future needs above those of a none existant baby, and guests, personally.

@Cheeping

how can you not imagine people don't have a spare room or know people that do. Many people don't have enough space for their immediate family. How can you be so unaware of that?

(

Unless you have a separate play room she’ll need the bigger room in a few years for all her toys!

& so what?

anything can happen 'within a few years'

@CanStopWillStop I'm team you

Right now she doesn't need a bigger room. She's far too young to play independently, so use the big room as you've said and 'in future'/years to come, you can change things when you want to. It's a weekend & a bit of paint.

I never said I couldn’t imagine anyone not having a spare room, did I? If you read what I said, I said I didn’t believe anyone didn’t know anyone with a spare room. That’s obviously ridiculous. It’s like saying you’ve never met anyone with a dog.

I’ve just googled it and 50% of households in the UK have a spare room. Given that half of people have a spare room, I stand by my assertion that it’s absolute bollocks to claim that anyone doesn’t know a single person at all who has a spare room.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind that the DC would get the small room whilst the double becomes an office. Seems unfair, as an adult you don’t need that much space for a home office and you can be clever with storage.

really young children have large toys and like a pp said want to set things up, today DS has lots of Lego currently being built on his floor and DD has a Barbie house in her room

I never understand this and treated my daughter as equal to us as far as possible . I recall viewing our current house, which had en suite for one of the non master rooms and when I said it would suit our daughter, rhe agent saying but why would you give that to your child, she can have the smallest room.

eh. No. She can have the second biggest. She’s not lesser. I don’t understand why you’d give your child the smallest room. And save the two biggest for you and storage. Don’t you see your kid as part of the family. Or is she just an inconvenience ?

Yep this.

Just make sure any built in furniture you put in the second double will still work for 2 kids w bunk beds

Are you on the sauce again? Yesterday it was telling some OP her husband had a low salary because he was on £45k, now it’s asking this OP if she sees her baby as an inconvenience because of how she’s planning her house.

The OP’s child is 1. Many babies have smallish rooms because babies are - wait for it - small. They don’t need desks or play stations or filing space and they don’t like hanging out in their rooms except when they’re sleeping, and so a small room can work well for them and the household.

FGS My crime appears to be having an apparently offensive light hearted opinion of putting the eldest child in the bigger room and making a joke at the expense of someone that took umbrage with the original comment.
I can’t imagine turfing a child out of their room because their sibling wants a view of the garden. Does the older child not have a say about being ousted? As stated previously I am the product of the box room, even after my brother had left home and I don’t feel like my parents treated me unfairly. I honestly can’t believe my comment has bothered you that much, it’s an opinion not law.

I never said I couldn’t imagine anyone not having a spare room, did I? If you read what I said, I said I didn’t believe anyone didn’t know anyone with a spare room. That’s obviously ridiculous. It’s like saying you’ve never met anyone with a dog.

@Cheeping You actually said guest room. A spare room and guest room are not the same thing.

I know several people who have "spare" rooms in their houses (including myself) but none are kitted out or could be used as "guest rooms".

I think if you put your one year old in the big room, she will feel it is hers, and if you move a sibling on, in time, it will feel like an encroachment.

I say, put her in the small cozy room fr now with big toys downstairs, and then, if and when a sibling comes along and is ready, make a big fuss of decorating the larger room as a space for them both, with the toys etc in there . At that poi t you take the small room as an office.

@WestBridgewater I've got no strong opinion on all the stuff you said about views of gardens and turfing people out of rooms, or even on kids' bedrooms at all TBH. My comment was in response to your sneery joke, because I was wondering why you thought it was useful to point out that someone who thinks a situation is unfair on certain children was likely to have been in that position as a child themselves. For your joke to work, you'd have to assume that being allocated the worst room purely because they were younger has had some kind of lasting effect on the person, influencing how they judge similar situations now, which seems to be the opposite of the point you want to make. I mean, saying "hahaha bet you're still resentful at a minor childhood unfairness" only highlights that minor childhood unfairnesses can loom large for children and be remembered for many decades.

Seems pointless putting her in the small room when you know you'll need to move her