To get really attached to people and miss them a lot when they leave my life?

sosadd · 2023-02-03T19:41:46+00:00

I'm a really sentimental, sensitive kind of person and it makes life feel so abrasive and difficult. One way it shows itself is I get really attached to people, even random acquaintances and I find myself missing them when they are no longer in my life. It doesn't feel healthy to be honest. I don't know if it's because I'm struggling with change, but I get quite upset when colleagues leave the company. I wish they would all stay forever and I'd have the same, consistent group around me. I especially find it hard when I know I'll never see them again, e.g. if they move abroad. Just the idea of the finality of never seeing them again, or hearing their voice. It weirds me out. My manager left the company this week and I am heartbroken. I've cried every evening this week, and when they put in a meeting for our final 1:1 I cried at the Teams notification. It's ridiculous. I watched at 5:30 as their status went from online to offline, knowing they are never going to log in again, never going to review my work again. I know I'm being weird and kind of creepy to be honest lol, I know it's OTT, but I don't know how to get over myself and have a more normal reaction. Is anyone else like this?

watchfulwishes · 03/02/2023 19:48

I'm not at all like this. I have the opposite tendency, can tend towards out of sight out of mind.

Have you considered counselling to understand why? Because this watched at 5:30 as their status went from online to offline is pretty extreme!

Did you have any losses as a child or anything? (Basic pop psychology there)

Jazz12 · 03/02/2023 19:48

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PifflePishAndPap · 03/02/2023 19:50

Ok

Goodread1 · 03/02/2023 19:51

Hi Op @sosadd

I think 🤔 there is something in your childhood experiences that's unresolved, that's making you feel like this,

There there an

Answer lies...

SallyWD · 03/02/2023 19:51

Oh wow, I could have written this myself! I'm exactly the same. I really become attached to people and miss colleagues etc even if we haven't ever actually become friends who've socialised outside work. It's just how I feel after seeing people for several hours, 5 days a week.
I left my old job as I was moving to a new city. The pain of walking out of that building for the last time was just immense. Saying goodbye to so, so many people all on the same day. I was an emotional wreck! I still feel sad about it and it was 10 years ago!
I've just accepted this is how I am. Good things come from it too. For example, I often form lasting bonds with people. Because I really value them and become so attached I put a lot of effort in to maintaining contact. People always say of me that I'm so good at keeping in touch and how much they appreciate it. I think people like you and I will always be loyal and committed friends to others.
So although it can be very painful to feel things so deeply, it's also a positive thing in many ways. We'll never take others for granted.

Goodread1 · 03/02/2023 19:53

I think looking into counselling therapy would really help you to understand yourself,

Also meditation will help support you in clarity of thought

Wishona · 03/02/2023 19:53

I’m maybe not quite as extreme, but I hate goodbyes. I always have. I think we moved a few times when I was a child and I had some really good friends who I never saw again. Maybe it’s from that. But yes Im very sentimental. Endings also maybe mark the passage of time.

Original poster

sosadd · 03/02/2023 19:55

I know it sounds completely unhinged! It's not just about people too, I remember when leaving university I'd feel sad at all the 'lasts'. I struggled a lot with the adjustment of primary to secondary school too.

I can't pinpoint it to anything in my childhood but there must be something

OP posts:

musicalgymball · 03/02/2023 19:55

Could it be menopause?

It sounds like something hormonal affecting you.

SallyWD · 03/02/2023 19:58

sosadd · 03/02/2023 19:55

I know it sounds completely unhinged! It's not just about people too, I remember when leaving university I'd feel sad at all the 'lasts'. I struggled a lot with the adjustment of primary to secondary school too.

I can't pinpoint it to anything in my childhood but there must be something

Yes I struggle with finalality and doing things for the last time too. You're not the only one OP!
I don't think there's anything from my childhood. I had a very happy childhood and always felt loved and secure. I think it's just how we're wired - we're sentimental, sensitive people.

FallonofDynasty · 03/02/2023 20:00

Yes I do miss some ex colleagues a lot, but not to the extent of crying.
Do you continue missing them, or is it a short term thing?

Endpress · 03/02/2023 20:00

I’m a little bit like this. Our lovely yoga teacher left and it was unexpected and I was upset by that during that week. Felt a bit unhinged. It’s the mixture of an end of an era, nostalgia, the passing of time and maybe a bit of abandonment somehow. This has developed with age and various bereavements.

blueshoes · 03/02/2023 20:02

No.

This sounds a bit Sistine Chapel.

Original poster

sosadd · 03/02/2023 20:03

I'm in my 20s so it shouldn't be hormonal. I'm ok with it in time, I think it perhaps it is about the passage of time. I just hate the finality of it all, I think it reminds me of my own mortality. I just wish things would stay the same.

OP posts:

Original poster

sosadd · 03/02/2023 20:04

blueshoes · 03/02/2023 20:02

No.

This sounds a bit Sistine Chapel.

Lol I know, I was going to put a disclaimer in the OP that I had never been to the Sistine Chapel.

I do think I'm quite an overly emotional person but I suppress a lot and try and appear more stoic on the outside.

OP posts:

NeedToChangeName · 03/02/2023 20:08

As I've grown older, I've become increasingly comfortable with the idea that (1) some people are close friends through convenience eg working together (2) these friendships are temporary (3) when colleagues move on, you could still see them every day if you really wanted to (4) but you don't, and that's ok (5) not keeping in touch doesn't mean the friendship wasn't important

There is a phrase that friendships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I like that. I've had great neighbours in the past. Really liked them. A bit of a shame to move on and lose touch, but there isn't time to keep in touch with everyone. I still like to think that they shaped who i am now, and vice versa

NeedToChangeName · 03/02/2023 20:13

OP, I've just seen you're in your 20's. TBH, I wouldn't worry too much. You're a bit sentimental, but you'll probably find these transitions easier as you get older. I certainly do

Siameasy · 03/02/2023 20:15

I’m like this to a degree. If I like someone I like them. I become attached to friends and have been hurt when my depth of feeling is not reciprocated. I happen to need alot of mental stimulation. Also, I’m being assessed for ADHD!

GlassBunion · 03/02/2023 20:23

Please tell me that I've misunderstood.

You wake up every day and everyone in your life , that you regularly encounter , performs in your daily theatre. You love your daily theatre. You love everyone in your daily theatre.
Your daily theatre brings you comfort and joy.
Your theatre is part of you.

One day, an actor in your daily theatre , decides to walk stage left in order to pursue a different role in a different theatre , to which you don't have access. You feel that their departure is a death scene and you struggle to let them go. You know they're going and so you bask in their final minutes .

It sounds quite vain, actually but I'm not saying this in an accusatory way. People aren't part of your life. We are all a bit part of many people's lives.
It's important to recognise this as your perspective is a very lonely place. It's not healthy to view others as your personal entertainment/experience.

Sorry, I don't think I've been helpful.

TomatoSandwiches · 03/02/2023 20:29

I am the stark opposite, and if someone is out of sight they're out of my mind, once I see them again I pick up exactly where we left off.
I'm not sentimental but remember people's quirks and likes, I'm a good gift giver but unromantic.

Have you always been this emotional, perhaps that's just the way you are, nothing wrong with it I suppose so long as you are self aware.

BeetyAxe · 03/02/2023 20:34

I’m pretty much like this. Down to the manager leaving and being tearful. I also really really hate saying bye to people, especially leaving people off to airports and the kids to school. But then oddly I fairly quickly forget about people and focus on what’s in front of me. I’ve started to notice a lot of things about myself that really make me question if I have ADHD. I’m actually exhausted with it all.

TheLostNights · 03/02/2023 20:36

Felt like this with a few colleagues who I have got close to but sadly, it's always me who cares more and so I always get hurt. I would have loved to have stayed in contact but they were not bothered.
😔 It's hard when colleagues you like leave, not having that daily contact is tough. I try and not get attached but life doesn't always work like that.

DarkNurseries · 03/02/2023 21:28

GlassBunion · 03/02/2023 20:23

Please tell me that I've misunderstood.

You wake up every day and everyone in your life , that you regularly encounter , performs in your daily theatre. You love your daily theatre. You love everyone in your daily theatre.
Your daily theatre brings you comfort and joy.
Your theatre is part of you.

One day, an actor in your daily theatre , decides to walk stage left in order to pursue a different role in a different theatre , to which you don't have access. You feel that their departure is a death scene and you struggle to let them go. You know they're going and so you bask in their final minutes .

It sounds quite vain, actually but I'm not saying this in an accusatory way. People aren't part of your life. We are all a bit part of many people's lives.
It's important to recognise this as your perspective is a very lonely place. It's not healthy to view others as your personal entertainment/experience.

Sorry, I don't think I've been helpful.

Except the OP never said anything to suggest that she views everyone as actors in her personal theatre. She admits to being over-emotional and change-averse, but maybe she genuinely forms intense bonds easily?

EBearhug · 04/02/2023 06:57

I finished work earlier this week. I've been there the best part of two decades, and I know some of the people really well. I've met their families, seen them grow - they're not all just colleagues, I've made good friends.

The thing I'm going to miss most is the people - but I'll stay in touch with a lot of them. Phone numbers, email, Facebook... there are so many options these days. And yes, some will drift away and we will lose contact, because that happens. But I also have memories. And I have friends and memories from all stages of my life - from pre-school nursery to now, in my 50s. The important people stick.

drunkornot · 04/02/2023 07:12

That is an extreme reaction. I have never cried every evening after work due to a colleague announcing they were leaving. Nor watched as they slowly logged off and went offline for the last time. You should explore counselling to figure out why you grow attachments like this to things that aren’t meaningful. People leaving their jobs haven’t done anything to warrant such a visceral reaction from you. You might like consistency and routine, but a person leaving work shouldn’t shake you or be enough to throw off your balance. The majority of your working day will remain unchanged.