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Original poster

Disgusting men in work

52 replies

Xtime · 03/02/2023 16:21

I overheard 2 men in work talking about me, what I'd be like in bed, my figure etc. Making really crude comments about me. It's totally shocked me, in a work place, I'm in my forties, dressed very casually, no short skirts or cleavage. I've heard one of them repeatedly talking about me, he's fucking fixated- he's been asking around for any info about me. He's got a girlfriend and is in his forties. He should know better. I don't want to complain - they'd deny it anyway. I'm new in the job, and they are well liked, even by other women, so I don't feel I'd have support from them, I'm too new. Basically I'm ignoring them but they're commenting on that now. I don't want to change job, I do like it, but the one man in particular is a creep. I should really just leave shouldn't I?

OP posts:
Naunet · 03/02/2023 17:54

This reply has been deleted

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You’re aware humans don’t have the function of being able to turn their ears off, don’t you?

TheChosenTwo · 03/02/2023 17:57

Woah you absolutely should NOT just leave it, it’s harassment and should not be tolerated anywhere let alone a workplace.
It’s making you feel uncomfortable and it needs addressing now.

Deadringer · 03/02/2023 17:58

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Yes its the op's fault for having ears.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/02/2023 18:01

I don't want to change job, I do like it, but the one man in particular is a creep. I should really just leave shouldn't I?

Why? Why is your first thought 'I should leave'?

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 03/02/2023 18:03

Not shouting, but just in a clear loud enough for others to hear voice say 'what was that you were just saying Jim?'. It will make it clear you know what they're talking about and give them the opportunity to be ashamed and apologise.

If it continues go to HR.

GrumpyPanda · 03/02/2023 18:08

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Victim-blaming of the most disgusting sort. You should be ashamed of yourself.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/02/2023 18:09

Hi OP

Had one like this in exjob - sex pest who was excused because he'd been there for years and it was 'banter' - which should have been a red flag when I was told about it in interview as if it was some amusing quirk he had. HR were aware of it but did nothing until a new colleague made a formal complaint - after that a few more female colleagues came forward and the man ended up getting the sack. HR might be waiting for someone to come forward and insist on starting a grievance or a formal complaint - and why shouldn't that be you, even if you are new?

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

ICanHideButICantRun · 03/02/2023 18:13

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

But that is a really unprofessional way to deal with behaviour like this.

OP, report it to HR - they should not want people behaving like that at work.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/02/2023 18:21

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

A really stupid thing to do. OP goes to HR and his immediate defence is 'well she knows I was just joking and she joined in the banter.'

Naunet · 03/02/2023 18:25

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

Terrible suggestion, this is a real life, professional workplace, not Ally McBeal!

LuluBlakey1 · 03/02/2023 18:31

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

Please don't ever do this OP- it is crass, stupid and the same as they are doing to you, making sexual remarks. Don't engage in any conversation with them like this.

They are in the wrong, and you need to complain formally. Make a written record of times and comments and talk to HR.

bonzaitree · 03/02/2023 18:48

I’d speak to an employment solicitor asap to get some advice.

Then I’d raise with HR and follow and grsivance orocedure/ complaint.

then I’d sue for harassment.

you need to make careful notes of everything said- who said what to whom and when. Record them saying these things if you can.

sounds like you’ve got a nice sum coming your way! Xx

bonzaitree · 03/02/2023 18:49

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

Worst advice ever. Don’t engage with these men at all. Go complete gray rock (look on YouTube).

HadEnoughOfBears · 03/02/2023 18:50

Daisy12789 · 03/02/2023 16:23

Could you ask to speak to him in private and explain that you overheard and it’s completely inappropriate?

OP do NOT try to deal with is in private. Best is straight to HR but if you're trying to deal with it yourself always have witnesses.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/02/2023 18:51

sounds like you’ve got a nice sum coming your way! Xx

Going by experience of this sort of situation it's much more likely the men have gross misconduct dismissals coming their way.

iklboo · 03/02/2023 18:54

Could you ask to speak to him in private and explain that you overheard and it’s completely inappropriate?

Absolutely bloody not.

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back

This is real life, not EastEnders. You don't honestly think that would work, surely?

Original poster
Xtime · 03/02/2023 18:54

I'll keep a log of dates.If I stay, good chance I'll be moved to different dept for training,so I will be out of sight and see how it goes, but I'll toughen up and have a good think. There are things I like about the job. But as a previous poster said, "male office tart" 😂 It's a male dominated, toxic, gossipy place where I was starting to doubt myself. I've got to pretend laugh at their crap banter. Than you all for your posts. I appreciate the good sense from other women.

OP posts:
OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 03/02/2023 20:04

You need to report it to HR to have it documented I'm sorry your dealing with this it's not acceptable at all

Valeriekat · 04/02/2023 08:28

See HR, this is sexual harassment as they clearly know you can hear them.

Greenfairydust · 04/02/2023 08:37

''@Daisy12789 · Yesterday 16:23
Could you ask to speak to him in private and explain that you overheard and it’s completely inappropriate?''

No.

A grown man should not need to have it explained to him by the woman he is disrespecting that his language is inappropriate.

The OP should report both men to HR and let them deal with it.

If not their behaviour will just continue and potentially escalate. The creep probably knew you could hear him and enjoyed making you uncomfortable.

UWhatNow · 04/02/2023 22:25

HappyValleyyy · 03/02/2023 18:11

Agree they are vile and disgusting- however I would deal with this by confidently walking up to them and whispering in their face ‘you know you could never satisfy me’ with a sultry look then walk away without turning back.

Wtf? And ‘reward’ their puerile, drooling behaviour with some tacky line from some 80s film on ‘movies for men’?

This is a workplace. Women should be able to earn a living without being subject to male harassment. Get real.

BankOfDave · 04/02/2023 22:54

I realise the realities of dealing with this in the real world and for people who are worried about their job, but I would be both logging and reporting the shit out of these two animals. Zero hesitation.

XenoBitch · 04/02/2023 22:56

I started a new job, and was hauled into the office with complaints I was not joining in "the banter" enough. The chat was of a sexual nature, and the people who complained about me were women.,

Merryoldgoat · 04/02/2023 23:47

I don’t know why you wouldn’t report this. No one should be treated so badly.

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