Neighbours are sleep training. Help?

[Fruitful92]

Hi everyone,

Non-mum here and would love some advice from actual mums.

My neighbours are a young couple and have a small child, I’m really not sure how old but definitely under 2. I met them once and said hi in passing but we don’t speak generally as they use a different hallway than I do.

For a good few months now, I believe they have been sleep training their child. The child’s bedroom is directly next to mine.

I am frequently woken up in the middle of the night by the child not crying but screaming bloody murder for a good 30 mins to an hour, sometimes a full 2 hours of on and off screams.

I am suffering from PTSD and extreme anxiety after leaving an abusive relationship. I have trouble sleeping as it is and this is extremely distressing for me.

I understand babies cry and this is just temporary, but I don’t think it’s fair that I am regularly losing sleep over it. But I struggle with confrontation and don’t want to cause an argument.

How do I approach the subject and try and resolve the matter with my neighbours?

Thank you

Some babies just cry. My son was a crier, it was relentless. Get some ear plugs. Do not confront the parents about it for goodness sake

i would ltalk to them, explain about your ptsd

Earplugs and white noise. If it's so bad and you have to speak to the neighbours, I would come at it from a 'just wanted to make sure you guys are okay, can hear the little one crying and it must be tough to deal with'

I know it's easier said than done, but please don't be frustrated with them. You have no clue if they are sleep training as they are at the end of their tether, or if they are cuddling the baby or if mum is sobbing her eyes out at the same time from sheer exhaustion and cannot cope anymore.

Sorry you are also going through a tough time, lack of sleep makes everything harder. The (granted, VERY small) silver lining in this is you don't have to get up out of bed and actively walk around calming a screaming child down night after night.

Good luck ❤️❤️

My son used to do this, he had night terrors. Nothing, literally nothing at all would stop it. If you tried to cuddle him he’d scream louder and kick us away, it’s so draining and he did this for 3 years. Maybe ask them before jumping to conclusions, however as a sleep deprived mum I’m not sure how friendly I’d have been 😂

@gogohmm yep, I would still love to know what his problem was that night bless him! I have to say we did take him into another room to settle after a certain point. Thankfully we actually heard my neighbour arrive home at 3:30am so I know we didn't wake him at least 🤣

I doubt that’s sleep training if they’re just leaving the baby to cry indefinitely (even the ‘cry it out’ approach has time limits).

But I sympathise, there’s very little you can do. If it were me I’d look into sleeping in a different room if possible for a few weeks.

Another for ‘this sounds like night terrors/upset baby not sleep training’. I’m very anti sleep training but that doesn’t sound like what this is from what you’ve said, even hard core sleep trainers wouldnt keep going for months with a hysterical child. Parents are probably losing their minds with it too, best you can do is get some ear plugs and feel sorry for them.

When I say take him into another room, I mean we took him to settle him in a room that wasn't adjacent to the neighbours as we were conscious of the noise. I didn't explain that very well!

I'd talk to them. I'm sure they will be horrified to hear that they are making your PTSD worse. It doesn't have to be a confrontation, just a chat.

I'd ask if they can move the baby into another room, and I'd do the same, to put the maximum space between you.

Do you hear them going in to the baby to try to soothe it, or do they just leave the baby by itself?

Don’t be so ridiculous. A baby crying does not automatically mean they are being abused! You don’t know the parents aren’t with the baby, holding and comforting them but they are crying in pain from teething etc.

NuffSaidSam · Today 00:06

I think it's a bit of a leap to think they're deliberately leaving their child to scream for hours every night for months based on....well absolutely nothing! You don't know anything about them! Baby could be crying for any number of reasons.

TheChildOnTheBus · Today 08:14

Don’t be so ridiculous. A baby crying does not automatically mean they are being abused! You don’t know the parents aren’t with the baby.

Are the above remarks directed at the OP ? If so ,why ? She's said nothing to suggest she thinks the child is being abused .Or have I missed a post ?

And apart from making the parents feel terrible what will that achieve?

if it’s loud for the OP how unbearable do you think it is for the parents?

Dont do this OP, please. They will be miserable I pretty much guarantee it, and for their own sanity they will be trying everything they can.

As others have said, earplugs and possibly moving the bed. It’s only temporary. And I’m sorry you’re being affected, as I’m sure they would be.

@amberedover apologies, mine was a reply to @Redebs. Not sure why it wasn’t come up as a reply

come on, no one wants a baby crying for so long, not even the parents, and no doubt they would not want to upset the neighbours
there are ways of talking to people without being confrontational

@TheChildOnTheBus - oh gosh ,think the apologies should be from me to you! Thanks for clarifying .

Surely she’s basing it on the fact that she can hear it? If a parent were in the bedroom with the baby, she would presumably hear them too?

It doesn't sound like sleep training to me, I think it just doesn't sleep or is going through a 'phase'.

It's hard, there's not much they can do sadly and I'm sure they are feeling awful.

I'd get ear plugs for now.

As a mum going through the thick of a sleep regression, my boy is crying and screaming all night and I’m definitely not sleep training, I’m with him the whole time and do my best to try and settle him. He’s just not sleeping, teething and all the lovely things that happen when they’re babies. I promise they’re not loving it either, and unfortunately it’s just what some babies do.

You need some good ear plugs. Do not approach them as there isn't anything they can do about it.

I'm really sorry you're struggling. It's awful.
Our ds1 was like this. We had notes put through our door from ndn but there really was nothing we could do. It was exasperating and exhausting and upsetting. He suffered with night terrors. He screamed for hours. Didn't acknowledge or know we were there trying to comfort him, he was trapped in it. I used to have to go to work the next day on very little sleep. It lasted around 1 year then they gradually decreased then stopped, nothing to do with us or what we did.

No parent would voluntarily have their child screaming all night, they are most likely completely sleep deprived and miserable. I'm sorry your situation sounds really tough but you will probably have to ride it out. If one of my neighbours had asked me to keep my son quiet I would probably have laughed....or cried. One of the two.

I don't think it's fair and I wouldn't be able to cope with broken sleep but you are living at close quarters with others...and there will be noise.

I always recommend playing brown noise or pink noise on loop on your phone or Alexa. It blocks out everything for me, including loud neighbour parties. I reckon it would defeat the screaming too.

No. We have to stop saying this. It’s so damaging.
If you have met all a child’s needs and they’re still crying no, it’s not abuse.
If you find it stressful and you regularly walk away from a crying child to recoup, no it’s not abuse.

some children have night terrors and can scream and scream at night. You’re not meant to wake them and rousing them can make it worse. My daughter did this from 2-5 years old.

please stop calling it abuse, it really isn’t. If you really think it is, I think you need to wake up and give yourself a reality check and think about how children can be treated.

Where has OP said this, please?