Frustrated that my partner won’t get help for migraines

[ALS94]

My partner has suffered with migraines since his teens. About 3 years ago (before I knew him) he went to the doctor and was referred for scans but then covid hit and the scans never happened. He’s since moved 5 hours south and hasn’t registered with a new doctor or pushed for the scans.

He’s recently had a promotion which means longer hours working with a screen and more stress, both of which are making his migraines worse. They’re about 3 times a month and can last for 48 hours.

We are in the process of buying a house together and then have plans for start trying for a family in the summer. I have spoken to him about the concerns that 48 hours of him out of action while I’m heavily pregnant or caring for a baby is not the best situation. He needs silence and to be in a dark room but a baby won’t always allow for that, and stress makes them worse. Having a baby is definitely stressful.

He keeps saying he will get it sorted but it’s been 6 months now of it this bad and he’s not done anything. Should I just leave it? It’s his health so ultimately his decision? I don’t know how else to convince him to get help

Has he tried the usual things like Cafergot? The suppositories are meant to be very good.
My poor bro sticks his head in a basin of hot water . Hot as he can stand it. Says he hears a click and then the pain abates.
But , yeah , he should get the scan. Very quick and likely nothing to worry about.

You don't need scans for migraine.

However the minimum he should be doing, given he has a desk/screen based job is having a DSE assessment and looking at blue light filters.

At 3 times a month for 48 hours a time, he should also be discussing preventer medication with his GP.

No I wouldn't leave it and ask him why he would risk not getting this sorted out when he has a baby on the way that could make his head feel like it is exploding if he has a migraine and the baby cries. He needs to register with a GP today, surely he can do it online.

Dh was hard to persuade to go to the GP over his migraines, he discovered he had very, very, off the chart high blood pressure, that has been managed with meds plus he has had 2 MRIs to rule everything out. He now gets occasional headaches and the difference is unreal. He treats it instantly with panadol soluble paracetamol. He isn't allowed to take ibuprofen due to the blood pressure meds he is still on.

If he's been suffering from these regularly for a long time, it may not be as simple as just 'getting it sorted'. It can be a long process of trialling medications, dietary changes, etc.

What has he tried so far/in the past? How is his diet? His water intake? His sleep pattern? Does he have a lot of caffeine and/or painkillers (especially triptans or opiates)? Has he kept a diary to monitor any changes he notices in the prodrome phase?

There are lots of things he could do before/as well as going to the doctors, if he hasn't already, of course.

His was referred for an MRI because he played football a lot and this made his migraines worse, they wanted to rule out it being a blockage of the fluid from his spinal cord to his brain.

His diet is fairly good, he’s active and drinks a lot of water. I’d say he sleeps a bit more than average, around 9/10 hours a night. He’s cut down caffeine majorly and only drinks 2 coffees a day. So in that way, he is trying to do things to help himself.

As far as I know he hasn’t been on any medication apart from sometimes a paracetamol or ibuprofen when it’s really bad and hasn’t done any food sensitivity trials. I’m think I’m going to leave it for a month or so while we move house and then have a serious conversation before we start trying to conceive and basically put my foot down that I don’t want to add a baby into the stress before he starts getting help for the migraines

Get him some Dolovent. The National Migraine Centre recommended I take them ( I get a lot of migraines, take preventatives and have Botox) and they’ve made a huge difference to my migraines. They’ve reduced the frequency and the intensity. Cut out all caffeine, too, that really helps as does acupuncture. Get him to get an eye test as well.

If he hasn't tried anything other than paracetamol then I'd argue his migraine isn't that bad.

As an employer I'd be pretty miffed if someone was having time off for migraine but had tried no treatments, especially as there are so many.

Yes it can be trial and error and some people are just unlucky but to retreat to the bedroom with the lights off 3 times a month and have tried nothing is taking the piss.

All he takes is paracetamol or ibuprofen? Not even something like Migraleve? To take to his bed for three days and not even take better painkillers isn't really taking responsibility for himself.

@AnnaMagnani I do agree that he should get help and it’s bloody annoying that he’s so stubborn, his work is flexible and he always catches up.

I don’t suffer with migraines so I don’t know what they feel like but he’s thrown up from the pain before and looks very unwell and clammy during. I’m sure lots of people have them worse but I think his pain tolerance is quite high, he says that going to sleep is the best thing and isn’t a fan of taking medication unnecessarily.

It’s not unnecessary to take medication for migraine! He’s being stupid.

if I didn’t take the medication I would also be throwing up/looking dreadful/in a dark room for three days. Migraleve makes me mostly functional instead.

When you said all he takes for his migraines is paracetamol and ibuprofen, it's no wonder they last 48 hours. GPs can prescribe many medications, both to treat a migraine attack and prevent them in general. I am prescribed Rizatriptan (from the "triptan" family of medications) and if I feel a migraine attack coming on, I can take one tablet and usually within an hour or so I'm completely back to normal. The tablets make me a bit woozy for a few hours but that's better than being out of action for multiple days, as was the case sometimes before I saw my GP.

There are so many effective treatments and preventatives out there for him, if he is choosing not to access these he isn't taking responsibility for his health and he should be. Like you said, if you're heavily pregnant or caring for a newborn, him having to go to bed in a quiet room for 2 or 3 days would be incredibly unfair on you if there was something he could do to avoid this.

Crikey he can get the likes if sumatriptan in prescription so he sint crippled for 2 days. You can even buy it over the counter

There are lots of things that we can suggest or recommend but it's a bit pointless if he won't even take painkillers properly or seek any medical aid. The question is how much are you going to tolerate of a partner who effectively opts out of life for 2-3 days a month? And it IS opting out if he's unwilling to try to improve it.

My neurologist sent me for 9 different types of scan for my migraines so perhaps his doctor does think they are needed.

You say he doesn’t like taking medicine, but for some people finding the right drug breaks the cycle and largely stops them. I went from twice a week to twice a year after stopping just a few attacks with maxalt.

He needs to register with local GP abd then make an appointment for his migraines

That's a shocking lack of being an adult to fail to register with a GP still 6 months after moving 5 hours away. Being busy at work is no excuse

Also, hopefully GP will be able to hemp including prescribing negative medication. 144 hours of migraines a month of sat in darkness is massively intruding in his life and ability to function.

But more important is those scans. It could be an aneurism or blood clot that's partially blocking and could cause a massive stroke, or
High blood pressure or anything. You simply don't mess around with brains..!

If this was my DH I'd pick up or get emailed the GP registration forms, partially fill them in get him to check it and if book an appointment with his agreement for next GP appointment and then I'd tell him that he owes me as I'm not his secretary but I'm not going to let him ignore something that may be dangerous health wise

Also, hopefully GP will be able to hemp including prescribing negative medication
Was meant to be
'Hopefully the GP will be able to help including prescribing preventative/ migraine medication'

Migraine pain is horrendous and debilitating. I'm surprised he hasn't wanted to see his GP for a triptan / similar medication. Taking one cuts my suffering from 24 hours to about 40 minutes.

i would have a Frank discussion as if he can't even take care of his own health - how useful will he be as a parent?!

Don't say that that's awful. If it affects his child then change but you can't force someone medicate and say they're bad parent otherwise. Can you imagine a man saying you need to take the pill or injections to stop period pains? Give them the same respect

I think you might have misunderstood me. My two points were 1) migraine pain is horrific. I suffer too. Im surprised if he suffers for 48 hours so frequently that he hasn't even spoken to a GP and that 2) if he can't even make a simple appointment to speak to a GP about such a debilitating condition, id seriously want to raise this before having a child with this man.

there are way too many women on here complaining about the man-child they're with who don't do anywhere near half the parenting / household work. If my partner couldn't even initiate a GP appointment for something seriously affecting their life, id want to discuss that before planning a pregnancy.

My message above was to @hailer

I'm just a wuss. I've had migraines but just scared to go to the doctors sorry. But can be ok for years then comes again, but I'm basically your husband sorry. Yes it's pathetic . But haven't let it affect my kids and if it did I would have gone. So still think I'm a good parent. Just don't think doctors are always the easiest choice x

I don't have a husband 😊 I'm not the original poster.

please don't be scared. Seeing my doctor she suggested triptans. One tablet and I'm normal within an hour maximum - I used to be in bed for 1-2 days wanting to die. Unable to speak or see. I feel so much less anxious too knowing I have them.

I knew that sorry just wrote it wrong.
Mine have never been that bad to last that long. But I think because I'm alright for a while I kid myself. But then feel like there's a reason they happen, I don't know it's pathetic. I'm my own worst nightmare at times, I can suffer so much before going to the doctor somehow . But thank you for being supportive I appreciate that. Xcode

@BritInAus I understand where you’re coming from and yes he should be taking his health more seriously but in his defence he’s not a man child, I’ve been with the likes of those before and he’s very far from this. His migraines are the only thing that he doesn’t seem motivated to fix, he does just as much as me around the house and we are in the process of buying a house together which he is mainly sorting. But I will push for him to make his migraines a priority, it’s been going on for too long now