AIBU/ pre school yesterday / son upset at being forgotten/ un noticed

[SeenYourArse]

Ok so yesterday I collected my son (3.5 yrs started pre school in Sept) from pre school, which is nursery class at our local primary school. The kids sit behind a screen in a reading nook being read to whilst teacher stands at the exit door calling them over in turn as parents arrive, she shouted my DS and he didn’t pop up and come after a few calls, (I had been waiting in the collection queue about 3/4 mins) so the assistant stops reading and goes to see if he’s in the toilets as he isn’t in the group and comes back carrying him and he’s sobbing (he doesn't cry or let himself be picked up usually!) once in the car I get him to calm down and tell me that he was crying because he was in the toilet for a long time and was shouting for help to wipe his bottom but nobody came. The lady just pulled his pants up and carried him out to me without wiping him so he was a mess when I got home and checked him I had to stick him straight in the shower and bin his undies 😡 I’m so annoyed he’s so little for his age and it’s his first experience of being away from me and home.
I spoke to them this morning (he’s not in on a Thursday) and the teacher said “oh he hasn't met the other lady who was here yesterday before so might not have been confident enough to tell her he was going to the toilet”
AIBU to be upset and think they should know where all their charges are at all times and check if gone to the loo for more than a few mins if they need help?
He’s a sensitive soul and was quite upset it was a shock to see him crying he just doesn’t. There were only 9 children in the class 😳

4 mins is a long time for anyone never mind a toddler. Anyway he’s allowed to be melodrama he’s a toddler

At three and a half years old he's a pre-schooler, not a toddler. The staff could have been better but he is old enough to learn to follow rules.

Here comes one of the worst traits on mumsnet - where every child is miles ahead of average and parents get ridiculous and unrealistic expectations of where their child should be.

YANBU

You might expect that but I can assure you it isn't the case that all children can do it. Many schools have 3-5 year olds who have not been taught by parents the basics of self-care, or skills that most of us would think were part of bringing up a toddler/small child.

Lol

@Kanaloa

Schools can’t really refuse the child on that basis but they can say they do not have changing facilities/cannot have staff do it, and therefore require the parents to handle personal care… so basically they’re refusing the child because no parent is going to drop their kid at school then show up every other hour to change them!

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I was that parent. Once, and sometimes twice, a day I would go in to change my child to support them through starting school. School were happy to change and had facilities but due to additional needs it had to be me for a long time because my child wouldn't let staff do it.

There is no reason why any school can't provide a changing mat, a bin and a private space for those children who are really struggling with aspects of toilet training.

readykids.com.au/what-age-should-a-child-wipe-their-own-bottom/

So, professionals think a child should be able to wipe themselves at 4 with help but that (because every child is different) this could be at 3.5 or at 5. But on mumsnet (the land of perfect children who would get into Oxford by age 6 and could run a marathon in under 2 hours), everyone is jumping on the OP because her 3.5 year old can’t do something (even though, statistically, factually and logically speaking, almost all 3.5yos can’t do that yet).

There are some very harsh comments on here OP. I wouldn't want those posters looking after my children. A 3.5 year old is allowed to be upset, they are still very very young and a minute for a 3 year old goes by much much slower. Have a word with the preschool, even if a 3 year old can wipe their own bottoms, they don't do it properly anyway.