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Original poster

Is this letter manipulative or genuine in your opinion

40 replies

drywipe · 02/02/2023 09:37

From ex partner of three years. We didn't live together.
I'm asking in here as I'll get a no holds barred response despite it being a post about a relationship.

I broke up with my ex for several reasons a few months ago.
Mainly, he let me down when I needed genuine physical and emotional support and there were a few other reason eg where he left me high and dry in a temper because I had called him out on shitty behaviour towards me and my child. Nothing serious but low level moods and huffing which triggered me terribly.

He also insisted we leave a family celebration ( mine) weekend away because I'd been cranky and tired and not in the mood to lay in bed watching tv, yet again , with him on our first evening.

So I finished with him after his mood and huffiness with me and my child and subsequent lack of care when I nearly needed it.
I genuinely had no other adult help that necessitated it.

Through our relationship he had an accident that again necessitated care d I was beside him all the way, probably too much so to the detriment of my own health and life.
As you do ...

He immediately went on line to tinder.
I found out some months later.
At that time that he signed up, I was reeling from the end of the relationship ... sad and lonely but felt I'd made the right decision.
I picked myself up and went on with life again.

A friend told
Me she saw him on there recently.
I had t told anyone it was over as I was coming to terms with it myself.
I was very embarrassed.

He was chatting to other women etc. not sure if he dated.
So now he is back.
Biggest regret of his life not fighting for me, hates himself etc.
Would do anything g for another chance .

I will not be returning to him and never was.
Cynical me
Says he has so much to lose, is he trying to claw back the life he had with me?

He sent me a letter, full of remorse, regret and self hatred.
Has been praying, getting counselling and talking incessantly to other s for advice.
He has brought my close family who have passed, into this letter saying he has been praying g to them for a second chance and for my happiness.

Now I'm a pure softie and could be accused of being too nice or naive and this man has taken many liberties in the past.

He's been messaging a lot over the last week or so and I've ignored them all.

He said that this letter was his last correspondence with me , which I'm
Relieved about as it was getting stalkerish and the content was just cringeworthy.
I almost feel sorry for him.

We're both in our fifties.

Do I reply? To close it off and shut this down ?
Is it manipulative or genuine?
What do I do here ?
I want it over for good and glory. This may be the way to get rid of this situation which has become deeply stressful?

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 02/02/2023 09:41

Just shred or burn it - this man isn't good for you so why waste any time pondering what to do with it?

MRSDoos · 02/02/2023 09:41

I am going to be honest if I were you I would ignore the letter and move on with your life

caramac04 · 02/02/2023 09:42

I’d probably completely ignore but if you choose to reply then make it very brief and say ‘Do not contact me again’.
Any dialogue gives him room to manipulate.

WinterFoxes · 02/02/2023 09:44

You ignore the letter. It's called love-bombing. Sure sign of an emotionally immature person with no boundaries who doesn't respect or value what you need or want. The letter is all about him and what he has lost and wants, I'd bet money on it. I know it's a cliche but the old, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them' advice holds true. He vanished when you needed support, he whined when you didn't do what he wanted. Your own company is way better than his.

Lkydfju · 02/02/2023 09:45

Ignore the letter; if he continues to contact you then tell him you’ll call the police for harassment if he continues. Quite frankly you could already based on messaging you lots. If you contact him it just opens up the lines of communication again. The letter sounds exactly like him; self involved and not respecting what you want

Lolapusht · 02/02/2023 09:46

VERY MANIPULATIVE!

He is trying to get your sympathy by making out he’s sorry and regrets his behaviour and a whole pile of “woe is me” nonsense.

Can I just check, he made you leave a weekend away with your family because you didn’t want to lie in bed watching tv? Something that can be done at home anytime? I’m guessing you were in a hotel and there were people you could have been talking to? If that’s the case, he’s horrendously selfish and absolutely useless at having relationships! If you’re going to be a good partner, you have to give other people space to exist and not insist they do exactly what you want them to.

From your post I get that you don’t want to be in a relationship with him. Remember that. You are under no obligation to be in a relationship with anyone and you are not responsible for their emotional well-being.

Block and move on!

creamwitheverything · 02/02/2023 09:46

Do nothing,Do not aknowledge,Do not react, Quietly go about your own business,Leave the past in the past, It would not be fair on you or your child to reintroduce this idiot back into your space, You should valuer yourself more, than to even consider this, Please dont be the woman waiting to pick up the scraps of whats left on the table thats been thrown in your direction from this man.He was comfortable disespecting you this will not have changed and he will say anything to you and expect you to believe it to further his own ends not yours,

BellaJuno · 02/02/2023 09:47

I’d send one message to him then block, so you have made it clear you’re not interested. Something like “I’m glad you’re reflecting on your behaviour in our relationship but to be clear, I have no interest in resuming it so please stop contacting me.” Then block and ignore, he sounds toxic.

Gazelda · 02/02/2023 09:47

Bin the letter. Don't open any more that come from him - straight in the bin.
Block him on phone and all social media.

Move on to a happier life.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 09:48

Maybe use it to wipe some dog poo off your shoes. Then bin it.
And look into purchasing a cockroach...best trend of late..

SuperHandss · 02/02/2023 09:51

Normally I’d say ignore it but if it feels unfinished and stressful a quick response could help you.

Something like ‘Hello, I’ve just received your letter. I’m happy for you that you’re working on yourself however, our relationship is over and I would prefer you didn’t contact me again. I wish you all the best & now it’s time to move forward apart.’

The letter is self indulgent by the sounds of it. He’s crawling back because he’s had no joy on Tinder.

Wailywailywaily · 02/02/2023 09:55

Bin the letter and block him. He is love bombing you. He will never be able to give you what you need or the happiness you deserve.

maddy68 · 02/02/2023 09:55

Dint reply. No good will come if it. It's done. Move on

GabriellaMontez · 02/02/2023 09:56

Keep the letter.
Ignore it.
Any further contact from him and threaten to report him for stalking.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/02/2023 10:05

If you genuinely mean this:

I will not be returning to him and never was.

then* *it doesn’t matter if the letter is genuine or manipulative. If it’s genuine, it’s a shame he didn’t realise what he had until it was too late, but it still is too late. If it’s manipulative (more likely), it simply vindicates your decision.

ashley278 · 02/02/2023 23:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Celinia · 02/02/2023 23:50

Ignore and move on. His comments about praying to your family members is manipulative and cynical. He’s likely been rejected or ignored via online dating and he wants you to look after him.

Goodread1 · 03/02/2023 05:17

@SuperHandss

I agree he has had no luck on Tinder so it's woe me,crap attempt at wuthering heights gothic drama letter,

He is no great loss ,
He sounds a very manipulative control freak man child, who obviously needs to have his own way or else

ignore his letter
Just pretend you have never received this letter,
Carry on with your life,

He is a totally. Loser ,and a User suck you completely dry until husk of your former self,
He really is and sounds like bad News

Thank fxck you got shot. Of him,
You wised up and realised you were wasting your time,

You way too much for him,which he obviously didn't deserve in the first place.

.

Goodread1 · 03/02/2023 05:24

Oops typo mistake you obviously did way far too much for him

He sound like serious head work
Well well rid of
See him for what he really is, he was obviously a mistake you got involved with him I first plac

He was a trial boyfriend or so called partner , who has made you realised you are worth so much more and that in future relationships you need to put in personal boundaries ,

Such as what things you are comfortable with /will accept and what things you will definitely not accept,(No go areas

DarkNurseries · 03/02/2023 05:46

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/02/2023 10:05

If you genuinely mean this:

I will not be returning to him and never was.

then* *it doesn’t matter if the letter is genuine or manipulative. If it’s genuine, it’s a shame he didn’t realise what he had until it was too late, but it still is too late. If it’s manipulative (more likely), it simply vindicates your decision.

Exactly. You ended the relationship for reasons that seem sufficient to you. You don’t have any regrets. What does it matter in what spirit he wrote this letter or what it says?

Goodread1 · 03/02/2023 05:46

Obviously he could have Regrets,!

(His Regrets are not genuine though,

What he Regrets is that,is that you are not around anymore,

to stroke/his fragile or massive ego,to make him feel better about himself,when he needs a boost/pick me up.

Is what you did for him and he really is now struggling, at loss at finding someone or something that can fill his endless Needy crater size emotional void that he has got.

What the heck does it matter,!!

It's all about himself really /Allways was.

Beautiful3 · 03/02/2023 05:51

Very manipulative. Throw it in the bin. Never let him back in, to do the same again to you.

WestBridgewater · 03/02/2023 06:05

I’m in my 50s and I couldn’t be doing with him. I’d rather be on my own than dealing with all his crap. If he has changed let someone else benefit. Ignore.

PAFMO · 03/02/2023 06:09

GabriellaMontez · 02/02/2023 09:56

Keep the letter.
Ignore it.
Any further contact from him and threaten to report him for stalking.

This.
He's a weirdo freak.
Keep him the fuck away.

Copperoliverbear · 03/02/2023 06:26

Manipulative, throw the letter away, block his number. X