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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have called the police 3 times for this.

60 replies

Ostryga · 01/02/2023 19:37

I have a neighbour that I cannot identify where they are as we’re rows of terraces. But I hear the most awful domestic abuse, a woman screaming, a man shouting so much it scares me and I don’t get easily scared.

I’ve phoned the police for this 3 times including tonight and give them where I think it’s coming from and every time they say well they (the people in the house) seemed fine so we’ll be on our way.

I can’t describe how awful it is to listen to. But every time the police come out they seem to think I’m making it all up. I don’t know how to find where the noise is coming from, unless I call 999 and the police get here whilst it’s happening and go into my garden to see if they can find it.

OP posts:
Circumferences · 01/02/2023 22:12

Talk to your neighbours. You can't be the only one hearing this

hopeahead · 01/02/2023 22:21

Sadly there's nothing the police can do unless they actually witness the attack or she is significantly harmed (evidence) and agrees to prosecution. Domestic abuse is a very ugly situation and the neighbours are the ones that suffer, it's horrible to sit in your home and listen to it. If it's a rented property fingers crossed for you they move on soon.

drspouse · 01/02/2023 22:31

The backs of gardens can be attached to other back walls.
I would suggest chatting to neighbours either side and maybe further away the right side (too far to be the house in question). You might be able to narrow it down.

Original poster
Ostryga · 01/02/2023 22:50

Well the police have called me back from the email (!) and have said if I hear it again unlock my front door and call 999 so they can basically run through and hear it.

OP posts:
Learningtofeminist · 01/02/2023 22:52

hopeahead · 01/02/2023 22:21

Sadly there's nothing the police can do unless they actually witness the attack or she is significantly harmed (evidence) and agrees to prosecution. Domestic abuse is a very ugly situation and the neighbours are the ones that suffer, it's horrible to sit in your home and listen to it. If it's a rented property fingers crossed for you they move on soon.

The VICTIM is the one that suffers.

FTFY.

007DoubleOSeven · 01/02/2023 22:57

hopeahead · 01/02/2023 22:21

Sadly there's nothing the police can do unless they actually witness the attack or she is significantly harmed (evidence) and agrees to prosecution. Domestic abuse is a very ugly situation and the neighbours are the ones that suffer, it's horrible to sit in your home and listen to it. If it's a rented property fingers crossed for you they move on soon.

Congratulations you win biggest load of selfish bollocks award for the month

BitOutOfPractice · 01/02/2023 23:02

Fingers crossed they move out eh @hopeahead ? What a horrible thing to hope.

it sounds really distressing op. Can you safely walk round to their front while it’s happening? I can’t believe no one else has reported.

good luck. You’re doing the right thing to keep calling. The police clearly think so too.

K37529 · 01/02/2023 23:09

Talk to your neighbours, someone must know where it's coming from

DeskChair · 01/02/2023 23:17

That’s a really reassuring update and hopefully they can pinpoint it.
Draw a map/print google map and cross of houses you think/don’t think it is?
thank you on behalf of that woman for emailing.

Emmamoo89 · 01/02/2023 23:17

Definitely talk to your neighbours. Hope she gets safe soon x

twoandcooplease · 01/02/2023 23:29

PaddyDingDong · 01/02/2023 20:34

Please just keep ringing but maybe (safely) go to where you think it's coming from whilst on the phone to 999 so they can hear it and it's then recorded on their end too. Just keep doing it every time. That poor woman.

This is a good point that 999 will be recording on their end. Hopefully the call picks up the sound

Blinky21 · 01/02/2023 23:32

Maybe the police have found the house but the occupants are saying everything is fine when they attend

Teaandtoast3 · 01/02/2023 23:36

You’re 100% doing the right thing. Keep ringing till they get the right house and if it continues after that then I would still keep ringing.

airey · 01/02/2023 23:38

Just giving you moral support and to say keep going

you are being amazing, keep trying your best, keep calling the police. They should stake out the properties if they have to.

massive hug to you.

keep calling x

justasking111 · 01/02/2023 23:40

Can you open an upstairs window, lean out see if you can pinpoint the sounds more accurately. It's awful that you're the only one reporting it on the whole row

JoannasFifthTry · 01/02/2023 23:54

Well done for sticking to your guns, you are doing the right thing. Your actions may well save her life.

FlimFlamBam · 02/02/2023 00:02

Most women are attacked at least 30 times, I think it’s 37 times before they decide to leave or report and carry on with that report to press for prosecution. I used to be involved with a DV charity doing fundraising for them, it was a massive eye opener.

ittakes2 · 02/02/2023 00:10

If you have an animal I would take them into the back garden with you as they would likely turn their heads in the direction of the noise so at least you would know which direction it came from.

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 02/02/2023 00:29

hopeahead · 01/02/2023 22:21

Sadly there's nothing the police can do unless they actually witness the attack or she is significantly harmed (evidence) and agrees to prosecution. Domestic abuse is a very ugly situation and the neighbours are the ones that suffer, it's horrible to sit in your home and listen to it. If it's a rented property fingers crossed for you they move on soon.

Callous AND wrong.

The police can arrest abusers these days, and press charges, whether they personally witness the crime or not, even if the victim won't cooperate.

I know of a situation where this happened, because police were sick of being called to the house by neighbours overhearing the violence. The guy went to prison for it.

www.stuartmillersolicitors.co.uk/can-police-press-charges-without-victims-consent-uk/

Mirabai · 02/02/2023 00:48

hopeahead · 01/02/2023 22:21

Sadly there's nothing the police can do unless they actually witness the attack or she is significantly harmed (evidence) and agrees to prosecution. Domestic abuse is a very ugly situation and the neighbours are the ones that suffer, it's horrible to sit in your home and listen to it. If it's a rented property fingers crossed for you they move on soon.

Not true.

Mirabai · 02/02/2023 00:48

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 02/02/2023 00:29

Callous AND wrong.

The police can arrest abusers these days, and press charges, whether they personally witness the crime or not, even if the victim won't cooperate.

I know of a situation where this happened, because police were sick of being called to the house by neighbours overhearing the violence. The guy went to prison for it.

www.stuartmillersolicitors.co.uk/can-police-press-charges-without-victims-consent-uk/

Show quote history

Ah you got there before me.

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 02/02/2023 00:59

Mirabai · 02/02/2023 00:48

Ah you got there before me.

Show quote history

Glad ppl know about this. I only found out because of the case I mentioned.

It was always too easy for abusers to silence victims and get away with it, while society looked the other way. Hopefully things are starting to change.

hopeahead · 02/02/2023 06:48

I was a victim of DV for many years. I know the process/ the system and how it works. When I finally got out of my situation I lived opposite a woman who's partner beat the shit out of her in full view of passers by in there front bedroom window. It was awful to watch and hear you're out in a helpless situation. Calling the police makes matters extremely worse with police knocking on the door it puts a lot more pressure on the victim to "behave" in front of her abuser. One of my neighbours began calling social services because there were young kids in the house which just provoked him more and it would be her and the kids that would suffer.
There is no quick fix, if you want to help find the house befriend the woman and try and help her find a pathway out of her situation. Depending on her circumstances she may want the help or the consequences are too high risk for her. It doesn't just stop for her because the police turn up. After I left it took eight long years through the police and court system to get away from my abuser.

hopeahead · 02/02/2023 06:56

Whilst the report is positive there are millions of women and children that aren't so lucky.
I had and still have a very heavy and detailed NMO and in the first two years there were 70 odd reports to the police of breaches only two went to court.
My childrens schools were reporting incidents to the police and my GP wrote to the court with safeguarding concerns - nothing happened. Like many others in my circumstance it's a waiting game for the abuser to get bored and move on.

Mydogatemypurse · 02/02/2023 09:50

Redglitter · 01/02/2023 21:25

How do you come up with that?? They've come out when OP has phoned but the noise has stopped. They've told her to keep calling any time she hears it - that kind of suggests they do care & would like to get to the bottom of it

Show quote history

Because i lived through it for over 10 years, still am to a certain extent. He gets away with everything and the police have done fuck all to protect me and my sons despite neighbours calling and my doctors and childrens services and dv charities contacting them. So i didnt 'come up with it' im still living it 10 years on.