To think it's absolutely not ok for teens to receive d*ck pics

[nomorechoco]

I randomly asked my 14 year old daughter if she's ever been sent a dick pic (off the back of an article I'd read earlier) and she said yes she'd been sent them on Snapchat by old guys and she just blocked them.

Now I don't use Snapchat but I think I'm right that you can't receive random messages from people unless they've asked to be added and you've okayed it?

Apparantly I'm making a big fuss over nothing and friends of hers have had much worse. So am I? Surely it's illegal to send these to minors (or anyone?). I think they should be reported to Snapchat at the very least and obviously she shouldn't be adding anyone she doesn't know.

Should I be doing more - monitoring her account etc.? I think so but I don't want her to regret telling me anything and just go underground with her activity.

The whole thing makes me feel sick. I'd love to take her off social media altogether but know it's better to teach her how to use it responsibly. God - why can't some men just keep it in their pants!

What's the AIBU?
If your teenager is adding "old men" to her SM accounts, she needs a lesson in how to use it correctly and inappropriately.

PS you had other threads about your teenager, with SN and their use of SM.
Did you not resolve it then?

Totally agree. MY AIBU is am I making a bigger fuss over this than it needs to be. Is it 'normal'? Should I monitor her and risk losing her trust? The daughter I'm talking of has no SN

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/online-safety-blog/is-snapchat-safe-for-my-child/

I banned the use of Snapchat; my dds weren't allowed on it for this reason. They had to agree or they knew I wouldn't pay their phone charges.

Yeh - it makes me very uncomfortable. My fear is that in doing so, she then tells me nothing as she loses out by doing so. Ideally, she will just not add anyone she doesn't know but I have to trust that will happen.

I am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.”

I only know because I do monitor what I can, which isn’t much. This is all on Snapchat. How can there be no legal recourse to require Snapchat to monitor this? As a parent, we have NO RIGHTS to what is being snapped.

We have taken away his phone at times, which I hate to do, but it doesn’t help anyway because they all share phones at school with those who are are grounded from their phones. I feel like giving up and letting him and his friends go nuts.

@Smc1974 your ds asks girls for nudes? He’s 14! That’s grim.
What does he say when you explain why it’s really inappropriate?

This isn't normal and your child needs better boundaries around her use of social media. She is a child and you need to parent her as such. If a teen can't make sensible choices around how they use social media then that is difficult for the parents but they need to step in.

Wow smc, you need to do some harsh parenting here.

WTAF
I'd be giving very very concerned with your sons behaviour.

Normal? I hope not! Yuk.

Smc - if this is true your son would be breaking the law. It is against the law for minors to send or receive nudes of other minors - it comes under making/sharing/storing images of child pornography. I'm a mum to late teens and a secondary teacher and I strongly advise you to take his phone (not returning it until you feel he has grown out of sexually harassing girls, which he is doing now). I'd also inform the school so that the group of boys can be spoken to/ dealt with. Awful toxic male behaviour.

Goodness, you seem to be accepting this as you seem to think "they all do it"
It's absolutely not normal and you should be cringing at your son asking not the girls saying they'd send them. In fact rather than cringing you should be teaching your son some respect for females

I think people are being a bit unfair to the poster with the son, she is concerned, thats why she has posted what she has, she is worried and is trying to find a way to deal with it

Personally I would get him a brick phone and thats the phone he has, no internet, no camera etc

The problem is, most parents cannot fathom a world where their kids dont have phones, kids really dont need phones but every one has bought into the idea that they need them for 'safety' and to be part of their social group. Well look how well this is turning out

I don't like Snapchat due to the disappearing messages. As a heads up WhatsApp now have the option to only keep messages for 24 hours. You can see when someone has chosen to do that though.

We are having issues with messages on my DD's (nearly 16) phone. She currently has no phone. The main issue being her not being able to escape school issues. Messaging was constant so any bullying, arguments etc follows her home and there was no break. There has also been inappropriate messages sent to her and pressure to answer sexual questions.

A weekend without a phone has turned her into a different child. She is more relaxed and chatted much more.

‘am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.” ‘

you need to do something about this - that’s not normal. My DS isn’t doing this and we do talk frequently about this kind of thing…

Nice bit of victim blaming.
Of course she shouldn't add old men. But it is the men who are at fault.

And your solution is what?

Yes it's victim ... and parent ... blaming but keeping your child safe is a parental responsibility. Going to the police to report a crime is all well and good but horse/stable door.

If ops daughter was being sent dick pics by some 14 year olds at her school we could offer different advice.

’they all do it’ is usually the excuse for piss poor parenting.

Just because ‘ they’ do it doesn’t mean your child has to. ‘They ‘ all have Tick tok, YouTube channels and put videos up but my kids don’t. They all have Snap, Insta, Tik Tok, Discord, etc - we’ll my kids don’t.
’They’ watch 15s, 18s and game when they want. My kids don’t.
And I know there are loads of parents like us, despite what the kids are boasting about.

You can parent with sanctions and rewards, and yes your kids might moan but my 14 year old admitted that he can use our ‘strictness’ as an excuse with friends to get out of doing stuff he feels pressured into doing.

‘Nice bit of victim blaming.
Of course she shouldn't add old men. But it is the men who are at fault.’

of course it’s the men who are being fucking creeps but unfortunately OP can’t do much about that. Her DD needs reigned in. OP can’t control men but she can make sure her DD only add friends who she actually knows in real life.

Friend’s DD puts vids up on BeReal which pretends to be kid friendly, and said I should let DD do the same. We’re too strict.
So aI took her through her DDs account - 380 ‘friends’ for an 11 year old. And guess what, quite a few turned out to be clearly adult men. And god knows how many more were men or teen boys pretending to be young girls.

All watching her kids in shorts and a crop top lip syncing to songs in her bedroom for ‘likes’

And even if her ‘friends’ were t a pile of strangers, we’re actually people she knows… what’s her daughter learning about need ing approval and attention by seeking likes and ‘oMG you’re sooooo pretty’ from people she barely knows at school??

We have had that talk about it being illegal, and I just did again yesterday. We took his phone yesterday. They don’t get it. They are invincible and “everyone does it.” I did address it with the school to see how they can help educate the kids better. They do a course at the beginning of the year about social media “safety” but it’s in one ear and out the other with these kids. I’ve even told other parents —- who do not monitor their kids at all — and was met with “my daughter would never do that” or “if I caught him/her that would be the end of it” but then they don’t monitor or restrict usage … they’re too afraid to take away Snapchat from their kids, and then my kid hates me because it is his social lifeline. I’m taking his friends away. I honestly feel like I’m the only sane parent.

Bloody hell.

I would be taking away ALL privileges and grounding his arse for a year!

This is NOT OKAY!!