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Original poster

To think it's absolutely not ok for teens to receive d*ck pics

77 replies

nomorechoco · 01/02/2023 10:47

I randomly asked my 14 year old daughter if she's ever been sent a dick pic (off the back of an article I'd read earlier) and she said yes she'd been sent them on Snapchat by old guys and she just blocked them.

Now I don't use Snapchat but I think I'm right that you can't receive random messages from people unless they've asked to be added and you've okayed it?

Apparantly I'm making a big fuss over nothing and friends of hers have had much worse. So am I? Surely it's illegal to send these to minors (or anyone?). I think they should be reported to Snapchat at the very least and obviously she shouldn't be adding anyone she doesn't know.

Should I be doing more - monitoring her account etc.? I think so but I don't want her to regret telling me anything and just go underground with her activity.

The whole thing makes me feel sick. I'd love to take her off social media altogether but know it's better to teach her how to use it responsibly. God - why can't some men just keep it in their pants!

OP posts:
Celticliving · 13/11/2023 16:59

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 16:52

We have had that talk about it being illegal, and I just did again yesterday. We took his phone yesterday. They don’t get it. They are invincible and “everyone does it.” I did address it with the school to see how they can help educate the kids better. They do a course at the beginning of the year about social media “safety” but it’s in one ear and out the other with these kids. I’ve even told other parents —- who do not monitor their kids at all — and was met with “my daughter would never do that” or “if I caught him/her that would be the end of it” but then they don’t monitor or restrict usage … they’re too afraid to take away Snapchat from their kids, and then my kid hates me because it is his social lifeline. I’m taking his friends away. I honestly feel like I’m the only sane parent.

Sorry but you don't sound like a sane parent.

If your son asked my daughter for a nude photo, the police would be involved and I would make damned sure he never did that again - but that's your job really, isn't it? Please parent your son.

DisquietintheRanks · 13/11/2023 17:00

No woman of any age should have to receive unsolicited dick pictures.....but I would so be more proactive about what sm she is using and on what settings if I were you.

Nineteendays · 13/11/2023 17:03

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 05:49

I am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.”

I only know because I do monitor what I can, which isn’t much. This is all on Snapchat. How can there be no legal recourse to require Snapchat to monitor this? As a parent, we have NO RIGHTS to what is being snapped.

We have taken away his phone at times, which I hate to do, but it doesn’t help anyway because they all share phones at school with those who are are grounded from their phones. I feel like giving up and letting him and his friends go nuts.

Wtf? Are you for real??

take away his phone, give him a Nokia 3310 if he has to have a phone, ground him and absolutely do not let him go nuts. It is so not acceptable for your son to be harassing girls for nudes.

DisquietintheRanks · 13/11/2023 17:04

As for monitoring, my kids had Internet access on the understanding that they don't have online privacy until the age of 16 ie I can check their phones /sm if I wanted to. When they were 11/12 I checked regularly, by your dd's age it was infrequent but it did happen.

verdantverdure · 13/11/2023 17:14

If you are under 18, it is against the law to: take, have or distribute a sexual photo; this includes a selfie. have or pass on indecent images of someone under 18. encourage or incite someone to take or send 'sexts'

Maray1967 · 13/11/2023 17:15

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 05:49

I am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.”

I only know because I do monitor what I can, which isn’t much. This is all on Snapchat. How can there be no legal recourse to require Snapchat to monitor this? As a parent, we have NO RIGHTS to what is being snapped.

We have taken away his phone at times, which I hate to do, but it doesn’t help anyway because they all share phones at school with those who are are grounded from their phones. I feel like giving up and letting him and his friends go nuts.

You are not doing nearly enough. If my 15 year old was doing this, he would get one explanation of what he was doing wrong and he would lose his phone. I would alert school and name the other boys as well. I would expect school to call in the police. I would make it very clear that he was risking some vigilante action from a very angry dad. If he tried to carry on doing it via accessing other phones, his life would be hell. Get a grip and sort your son out.

Maray1967 · 13/11/2023 17:16

You say you hate taking his phone away - why??? Why on earth do you think he is entitled to a phone if he does this with it!!!

verdantverdure · 13/11/2023 17:18

My kids aren't on Snapchat because the dregs of humanity are on Snapchat.

it is an offence to make, distribute, possess or show any indecent images of anyone aged under 18.

Coconutdragon · 13/11/2023 17:21

verdantverdure · 13/11/2023 17:14

If you are under 18, it is against the law to: take, have or distribute a sexual photo; this includes a selfie. have or pass on indecent images of someone under 18. encourage or incite someone to take or send 'sexts'

I'd get the police involved if possible, smc, with the school as well. It's better for your son if he learns this is illegal and why.

socks1107 · 13/11/2023 17:26

Smc I know a young person who's been sharing and receiving nudes. They haven't had a phone or tablet now for months nor will they until they themselves and never around me. Your teenager needs his phone removing and some serious boundary setting. The child's life here is ruined with it at least their teenage years. Don't just let him go nuts it's not just his life being impacted

MidnightOnceMore · 13/11/2023 17:27

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 16:52

We have had that talk about it being illegal, and I just did again yesterday. We took his phone yesterday. They don’t get it. They are invincible and “everyone does it.” I did address it with the school to see how they can help educate the kids better. They do a course at the beginning of the year about social media “safety” but it’s in one ear and out the other with these kids. I’ve even told other parents —- who do not monitor their kids at all — and was met with “my daughter would never do that” or “if I caught him/her that would be the end of it” but then they don’t monitor or restrict usage … they’re too afraid to take away Snapchat from their kids, and then my kid hates me because it is his social lifeline. I’m taking his friends away. I honestly feel like I’m the only sane parent.

I agree with this advice Personally I would get him a brick phone and thats the phone he has, no internet, no camera etc so he can't send or receive images.

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:15

How and when did I say I was accepting??! I’m losing my mind because other parents don’t monitor their kids and choose to believe this isn’t happening. My only option is to take away my son’s phone which we have done. But I know when he’s at school, another friend will let him use theirs…
I came here for help and your insights? But you’re attacking me.

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:21

Instagram also offers “vanishing mode” in their messaging. You can swipe up to enter vanishing mode, everything is deleted when you exit vanishing mode or exit the app.

bellac11 · 13/11/2023 18:22

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:15

How and when did I say I was accepting??! I’m losing my mind because other parents don’t monitor their kids and choose to believe this isn’t happening. My only option is to take away my son’s phone which we have done. But I know when he’s at school, another friend will let him use theirs…
I came here for help and your insights? But you’re attacking me.

There are lots of parents, of boys and girls who are struggling with the same thing

And previous posters advice tactics of ripping his arse off and grounding him for a year, that sort of thing will only sow division between you and him

You need to develop an open relationship with him where you feel confident and comfortable to put the boundaries in even if he is angry and upset, its ok for him to feel angry and upset but you dont deviate from the plan that his phone needs to be one where no pictures and internet can be used

It is true that children use each others phones and the wider issue of children sending these pictures to each other is one that needs all the adults involved to be on top of, both the sender and the recipients/requesters.

Its a shame that people felt the need to attack, its unnecessary and unhelpful, its a huge problem with kids and any time its suggested that a child doesnt need a phone is often met with protests from parents more than anything else, but we do need to move away from this reliance, kids just dont have the ability to deal with the instant gratification that internet brings and cant use social media apropriately. Parents who believe their kids have never done anything inappropriately on social media are deluding themselves.

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:23

We have talked about going back to a flip phone, which is what he had thru middle school. We switched to the iPhone over the summer. Husband was against it, I never saw this coming.

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:26

Thank you for this. I thought we had an open relationship and he has come to me with so many things…but on this, he just keeps lying. That is the hard part with taking it away, but he has proven he cannot be responsible with it.

bellac11 · 13/11/2023 18:28

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 18:26

Thank you for this. I thought we had an open relationship and he has come to me with so many things…but on this, he just keeps lying. That is the hard part with taking it away, but he has proven he cannot be responsible with it.

Absolutely, and thats what he needs to understand. There is a very real risk that he will find himself arrested or at least spoken to by police and your actions need to prevent that and prevent harm he may cause to any victims.

Busephalus · 13/11/2023 18:30

Legal implications are one thing, but why don't these young men care about the moral implications

bellac11 · 13/11/2023 18:34

Kids these ages dont always have the level of empathy needed to care in that way, some do

Its not just young men of this age, girls also get hold of these images or tease their friends into showing indecent images and then send them on to other associates

It is a huge, huge, huge issue, its constant.

MigGirl · 13/11/2023 18:40

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 05:49

I am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.”

I only know because I do monitor what I can, which isn’t much. This is all on Snapchat. How can there be no legal recourse to require Snapchat to monitor this? As a parent, we have NO RIGHTS to what is being snapped.

We have taken away his phone at times, which I hate to do, but it doesn’t help anyway because they all share phones at school with those who are are grounded from their phones. I feel like giving up and letting him and his friends go nuts.

OMG, you need to tell your son that if he gets caught he could end up arrested and on the sex offenders register. This is absolutely not acceptable behaviour.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/11/2023 18:42

Smc1974 · 13/11/2023 05:49

I am in the other end of this. My 14 year old son and his friends will not stop asking girls for nudes. And the truth is, they ALL do it. I cringe every time I see the girls saying “I’ll send if you promise not to show your friends.”

I only know because I do monitor what I can, which isn’t much. This is all on Snapchat. How can there be no legal recourse to require Snapchat to monitor this? As a parent, we have NO RIGHTS to what is being snapped.

We have taken away his phone at times, which I hate to do, but it doesn’t help anyway because they all share phones at school with those who are are grounded from their phones. I feel like giving up and letting him and his friends go nuts.

Please understand this isn't normal.

You need to rethink your parenting and stop minimising this behaviour.

WarningOfGails · 13/11/2023 18:45

IME the police don’t really care about it. My DD was being asked for nudes by a boy. Police concern seemed to be whether she had sent any. The boy wasn’t spoken to about asking for them.

Itsmehi222 · 13/11/2023 18:46

I haven’t say think it’s so great that she was so upfront and honest with you, you’ve clearly built a great, trusting relationship with her and I feel that really rare to read about in MN.

To me, it doesn’t seem you need to check her phone, if you ask her she’s honest with you.

If you do go off on the deep end that trust and honesty could end, you may not seem approachable. I would have a chat with her about internet and social media safety and let her know your door was always open.

Itsmehi222 · 13/11/2023 18:47

Sorry for all the typos, hopefully you can make out what I mean.

Celticliving · 13/11/2023 19:31

bellac11 · 13/11/2023 18:22

There are lots of parents, of boys and girls who are struggling with the same thing

And previous posters advice tactics of ripping his arse off and grounding him for a year, that sort of thing will only sow division between you and him

You need to develop an open relationship with him where you feel confident and comfortable to put the boundaries in even if he is angry and upset, its ok for him to feel angry and upset but you dont deviate from the plan that his phone needs to be one where no pictures and internet can be used

It is true that children use each others phones and the wider issue of children sending these pictures to each other is one that needs all the adults involved to be on top of, both the sender and the recipients/requesters.

Its a shame that people felt the need to attack, its unnecessary and unhelpful, its a huge problem with kids and any time its suggested that a child doesnt need a phone is often met with protests from parents more than anything else, but we do need to move away from this reliance, kids just dont have the ability to deal with the instant gratification that internet brings and cant use social media apropriately. Parents who believe their kids have never done anything inappropriately on social media are deluding themselves.

Show quote history

With all respect, her son is demanding nude photos from teenage girls and she seems to think that taking away his phone is the only option.

She needs to open her eyes and see that her son is behaving like a sexual predator and she needs to be a PARENT AND DEAL WITH IT.

This is the problem these days, everyone wants to minimise their kids behaviour, and they are scared to upset their kids.

We aren't talking about a boy who is getting into detention alot. We aren't talking about a boy who is getting a bit mouthy. We are talking about a boy who is ASKING TEENAGED GIRLS FOR NUDE PHOTOGRAPHS.

Bollocks to "I can't take his phone away".

Bollocks to "I don't want to upset him".

Bollocks to "I don't want to drive a wedge".

He. Is. Showing. Himself. To. Be. A. Sexual. Pest.

Also - bollocks to "they are all doing it". No, they bloody well are not all doing it.