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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a low key 50th birthday

41 replies

TheColourofspring · 01/02/2023 10:03

I am turning 50 next month and there is so much pressure so have a party or do something massive! I just don’t feel like it- I have booked a city break in Italy with my husband & kids & will do a small meal out with a couple of friends but that’s all I want to do. i had parties for 21, 30, 40. Feels like there is so much societal pressure for big birthdays tbh.

Aibu? What did you do for your 50th?

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 01/02/2023 11:10

DH took me to London for the weekend and we had two very nice dinners and an afternoon tea. I had hidden my birthday on SM and banned him from posting anything. It was lovely

DappledThings · 01/02/2023 11:13

Haven't celebrated a birthday since I was about 13 so 30 years ago. Occasional pressure to do so over the years but I ignore it.

Nobody's business. And you are celebrating it, you're going on holiday. That's your answer to anyone who asks.

FletchingStraight · 01/02/2023 11:18

You're birthday do what works for you. I'm also 50 next month & was planning nothing for a variety of reason. some family have asked to visit which I'm actually really happy about so we'll have a nice time. Very low key.

2o23 · 01/02/2023 11:19

YANBU. We went away for a long weekend in Europe - just the two of us. People trying to pressurize you should butt out.

mumto2teenagers · 01/02/2023 11:22

I get where you are coming from, DH is 50 in October and people have already started asking. He had a 40th Party but is just planning a nice meal with immediate family for his 50th and we might book a weekend away.

You should spend it exactly as you wish, I like having parties but would not want to spend the money on one unless it was really what I wanted.

quinceh · 01/02/2023 11:30

I think what you’re doing sounds lovely - stick to your guns. If you’ve had parties in the past, people might worry that you’ll be disappointed with anything more low key, whatever you say. So I’d say make sure you do what you want.
I was going to have a party for my 50th but it was in the pandemic so couldn’t have a large gathering in the end, and I was a bit relieved.

TiaraBoo · 01/02/2023 11:34

A holiday sounds massive!
Just say - I’m going to Italy! I can’t wait. )Or I went to Italy, it was amazing)
You don’t need to say I’m not having a party.
But if someone wants to take you out for dinner, then don’t stop them! 🥳

Serenity45 · 01/02/2023 11:40

I turn 50 this year too OP and YANBU. DH and I are doing a 3 week driving holiday in the US which will be a few months before my actual birthday to hit the best season / weather for the national parks we want to visit.

My sisters are dying to organise me a party but we've compromised on a big meal out with family and a couple of close friends on the actual weekend of my birthday.

A few of my close friends are also turning 50 this year and next, so we are organising a trip together, likely to be a long weekend / 5 day city break. And I will probably have a few other meals / drinks with other friends / colleagues too. Like a PP said, not a 'big bang' but a series of nice things that I'll genuinely look forward to.

ChatInMyFlat · 01/02/2023 11:49

I've booked to go on holiday for my 50th to avoid all this. I'll go out for a meal with my closest friends though.

NowThatIThink · 01/02/2023 11:59

I was 50 last summer and I didn't celebrate at all - I mean, in any way. I've got plenty of friends and have no problem with ageing, I was just very busy, about to start a big project, and not in the humour. I spent the day working and looking after my ten-year-old and his mad little friends in the garden.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/02/2023 12:01

Hate parties. What you’re doing would be a big enough celebration for me. Enjoy.

Dixiechickonhols · 01/02/2023 12:06

Do what you want. I won’t be having a party. We had a weekend away in York for a friends 50th that was nice.

jackstini · 01/02/2023 12:10

If people are asking constantly, do you mean lots of different people?
Or that people have asked, you've told them what you are doing then they ask again?

If the latter just look confused and say "I thought I already told you - I'm going to Italy

If they say "are you having a party" just laugh and say "absolutely not"

unsync · 01/02/2023 15:08

Just do what you want, one of the benefits of getting older is that you care less and less what anyone else thinks.

Blossomtoes · 01/02/2023 15:48

After observing a friend’s milestone birthday where the celebrations seemed to go on for weeks, I decided all mine would be low key. I’m 70 this year and I just want my family with me for a nice lunch/dinner. We’re booking private dining so the kids aren’t pressured to be on their best behaviour. Low key is good.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/02/2023 15:56

I turned 50 at the very start of the first Covid lockdown so I was alone (I'm single and live alone) and stuck inside without any physical human contact. It was soul destroying. Turning 50 was bad enough without it happening like that.

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