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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what age you leave a child unattended in a car?

38 replies

autienotnaughty · 01/02/2023 08:32

Just that really. If you are nipping in to a shop - so out of sight/hearing for up to 10 minutes. What age is reasonable?

OP posts:
Busybody2022 · 01/02/2023 08:39

Depends on the child, hence there's no age.

Once you are confident they are safe to be left.

DontTouchMePlease · 01/02/2023 08:39

What age is your child?

Ponoka7 · 01/02/2023 09:00

I think that you should only do it when paying for petrol. I don't live in places I'd leave a child though. It's weighing up leaving a window open because cars do get hot. Why do you have to leave them?

Flamingogirl08 · 01/02/2023 09:07

I don't really. Once they're old enough for me to be comfortable with it they're old enough to quickly get out the car and just come with me (no messing with strapping in and out of car seats etc)

Slowingdownagain · 01/02/2023 09:10

10 mins is a long time I'd say. I probably wouldn't even leave my 5 yo that long as he would probably be anxious. 5 mins fine though.

Dacadactyl · 01/02/2023 09:13

At about 10 years old I'd leave them in the car for 10 mins.

In the house, it'd be about 8 years old and for up to 30 mins.

Original poster
autienotnaughty · 01/02/2023 10:30

He's 8 and if I need to nip in shop he wants to wait in car (which he does if his dad is in car too) tbf it would probably be 5 min (just bread and milk) but I'm not keen as I can't see the car from inside the shop. But it's in a car park which is safer than on the road.

OP posts:
NewNovember · 01/02/2023 10:30

About 10/11

Itisbetter · 01/02/2023 10:34

I come from a totally different generation so anxiety about leaving an eight year old in a car sounds utterly bizarre. What are you worried will happen?

SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 10:36

I don’t “nip into shops” because it’s a weird fallacy statement -

You have no idea if there’s a queue, if it will take longer than the metaphorical “two secs”

Meanwhile the number of car alarms I’ve seen set off at shopping areas because a DC is understandably moving around the car and restless..

It’s just weird. just take them out of the car, price it into the time you need for the activity.

YABU.

tealandteal · 01/02/2023 10:37

I leave my 5 year old in the car if I am picking up from the vets as I am only the other side of the wall. Otherwise he has to come in to shops with me. Also if I locked the car he would set the alarm off but I wouldn’t be keen on leaving the car unlocked.

PuttingDownRoots · 01/02/2023 10:41

If this was April 2020 everyone would be saying its to leave an 8yo while you did your whole supermarket shop!

My 9yo goes to the shop for me to get bread and milk. At 8yo, she did it with her 10yo sister. Its 3 mins walk away.

MsMarch · 01/02/2023 10:54

For my DC, it was around 7 or so. Basically, when they were old enough to understand how to lock the car and to be capable of getting out of the car and running into the shop to find me if necessary.

Slowingdownagain · 01/02/2023 10:58

At 8 mine would be fine. She stayed at home in the house at 8 for quick trips out - at her request. It depends so much on the child, their behaviour and their confidence about being alone.

Comedycook · 01/02/2023 11:01

I left my then 12 year old ds in the car in a supermarket car park...he looks older than his age by the way. In daylight with his phone pretty happy. Only left him for ten minutes and he said some nosey member of the public came up to the car to check he was ok. 🙄

SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 11:05

Only left him for ten minutes and he said some nosey member of the public came up to the car to check he was ok. 🙄

Did that member of the public see you leave the car, then know somehow through telepathy that you’d only leave him for “ten minutes”, and somehow track that time by standing there?

When people spot something, they don’t know if the child has been there 5 or 50 minutes.

You just don’t like being called out by someone

Comedycook · 01/02/2023 11:07

Called out for what...he was 12 happily sitting on his phone. It's not like I left a crying toddler or baby alone ffs.

GerbilsForever24 · 01/02/2023 11:10

@SavoirFlair frankly, I can easily see a situation where a 12 year old sits in the car for hours. If my 12 year old had to come along to, for example, his sister's gymnastics competition, I'd imagine he'd be sitting int he car on his phone quite happily while I was in the competition with DD. Really struggling to understand why a random stranger would be checking on him in that situation.

7 or 8 seems totally fine to me, as long as the child is happy and is capable of getting out of the car if necessary.

But lots of people think that paedophiles are wandering around car parks, enticing random children who are left alone for 2 minutes to go with them to their dens of depravity so...

33goingon64 · 01/02/2023 11:12

DS2 was 6 months old when we were doing major house renovations and I was constantly nipping out to buy paint and look at tiles etc. He'd always fall asleep in the car and quite a few times I left him (with the car in view) to pop into a shop briefly. I now shudder to think of this. I think I just felt overwhelmed by everything and made bad choices. With my proper head on I would say as long as the car is in view, maybe 6 or 7? If they're with an older child maybe 4 or 5?

RememberFlimsy · 01/02/2023 11:15

SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 11:05

Only left him for ten minutes and he said some nosey member of the public came up to the car to check he was ok. 🙄

Did that member of the public see you leave the car, then know somehow through telepathy that you’d only leave him for “ten minutes”, and somehow track that time by standing there?

When people spot something, they don’t know if the child has been there 5 or 50 minutes.

You just don’t like being called out by someone

Called out on what exactly?

loveyours · 01/02/2023 11:17

SavoirFlair · 01/02/2023 11:05

Only left him for ten minutes and he said some nosey member of the public came up to the car to check he was ok. 🙄

Did that member of the public see you leave the car, then know somehow through telepathy that you’d only leave him for “ten minutes”, and somehow track that time by standing there?

When people spot something, they don’t know if the child has been there 5 or 50 minutes.

You just don’t like being called out by someone

I'd be inclined to agree if the child wasn't 12 in this case. You don't need to check up on a 12 yo who's not in distress, they're old enough to get the bus home

Usernamenoavailable · 01/02/2023 11:25

I would say 8 is fine. I leave my DD in the car when nipping into the shop quickly. But if it’s a big shop then I take her in with me as I have no idea how long I’ll be. She is tall so looks a lot older than what she is but I trust her to behave and she normally has a book to read. She is almost 9 now.

I have left her in the flat for 20 minutes at her request because she’s more interested in reading than shopping, she knows not to touch anything potentially dangerous and by the time I come back she doesn’t realise I have gone. The shop is within sight from my home.

balloontrip · 01/02/2023 11:30

I don't think I ever left mien in the car, I had no reason to.

Slowingdownagain · 01/02/2023 11:32

During covid I would leave my 2.5 year old with my 6 year old in the car. I was home alone, and the supermarket was like some kind of army camp. "family" shopping was not allowed and if you dared show up with children you would get awful looks from everyone. So mine were given tablets and snacks when I went in alone, and a phone for contact. They were fine, especailly my eldest is sensible and indepedent.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/02/2023 11:34

11