Partner calls me negative AIBU

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My longterm partner has said on a few occasions that I am very negative and it hurts my feelings. I have got to the point for many different reasons where I feel I just take things as is and don't make plans /hopes for the future because a very long like of things just end in disappointment. So I think I've shut my self off a bit, no point looking to the future and dreaming about all the things I want to do... it doesn't happen and I get upset. I just try and not think about these future things/ plans anymore. I know this DOES sound very negative of me but I have had financial problems, failed pregnancies, job disappointments, I don't really have any friends so never go out, holiday plans never materialise so basically I've just stopped putting my hopes and dreams out there and don't let my self think about these things. My partner has mentioned a few times now how negative I am. This really upsets me because sometimes I think if he was more supportive and aware then I probably wouldn't feel so glum. Am I just being a drain? Do I just need to man up?

You can’t rely on someone else to support you and change your world view.
If you never look forward to anything and never ever plan something that you want to do then how will your life ever be better than the disappointments you’ve suffered.

@Wolfiefan thank you. I didn't think of it like that.

There a difference between being sad and constantly not finding any joy in anything. I don't think a partner can change that. It's more of a self project and finding the small joys

You can't rely on others to make you happy. If you want a holiday save up and go. Are you being realistic with jobs? It may be acase ofkeeo trying or you may need to rethink. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want friends? Only u can make changes , could counselling support you to do that.

Thank you @Hankunamatata . I haven't been this way always. I think I used to be a joyful person but now its just like nope I'm done. If anything I find it painful to have things to look forward to and work towards which always result in nothing. I think I just posted this to get things off my chest.... sad right?

financial problems, failed pregnancies, job disappointments, I don't really have any friends so never go out, holiday plans never materialise
no point looking to the future and dreaming about all the things I want to do... it doesn't happen and I get upset

You don't just seem negative, but also very passive. You cant just expect to put your hopes and dreams out there... With the exception of MC, everything else requires your planning and input for them to happen.

What are you actually doing to get what you want?

Well, I could be wrong but I'm getting a sense that this man is constantly putting you down. Does he do this? He doesn't sound terribly supportive. Are you happy with him?

That's how I felt when I was depressed, do you suffer from depression?

@BicycleLoaf yes I have struggled with depression for a number of years. I have been up and down but lately more down.

@BicycleLoaf I have received lots of counselling in the past, anti depressants, I do things like yoga to relax and that's fine, just I can't let my self think about the future because it hurts when it the thinks I try and look forward to ultimately don'thappen.xx

My partner sometimes views me as negative. I believe I am actually practical. He will say "how about we..." Fly to the moon basically. If we are having a drink, I join in, as it is nice to have a flight of fancy. If we are talking about reality, I rain on his parade by pointing out the difficulties. I am not trying to wreck it, I am thinking of what we would need in place to make it actually happen. So I don't see that as negative at all, I am adopting the plan and putting it in motion. He thinks I look for problems.

@FlowerArranger yes I have done things towards my goals. Saved money to go away after MC as I felt I needed a break, something to look forward to, didn't happen. I've was bullied at work, had many interviews where I had no negative feed back or things to work on- just a case of someone a little better. There's much more than holidays and work to be honest. But I don't want to go in to the everythings

@FlowerArranger but right now I am doing nothing to change things because I just don't feel I can anymore.

Why don't you build yourself back by planning things that will happen? Meals out, spa days, shopping, a mini break.. Why don't holidays materialise? That seems like something that's definitely possible
Life can't change unless you change with it

Hi op,read a book on manifestation and see how you feel then.
Negativity will attract more negativity so this is why things fail for you because thoughts are energy,you are sending out to the universe " I am going to fail/it's not going to work for me " the universe hears you and gives you what you sent out for.
And try living in the moment.
If you work on this I think you will be a very bright and positive person attracting lots of good things!🌈🌻

@KarmaStar thank you for your advise! I'll look in to this

What makes you happy, even for a short time? Do more of that.

Some if not all of the things you mention will have affected your partner too, maybe he’s trying to get by as best he can given what’s happened and he’s finding your negativity is making it even harder. He’s allowed to be honest with you about the impact your attitude and/or behaviour is having on his life and wellbeing, and the relationship between you.

It’s not necessarily a character assassination, he’s just telling you what he sees/hears and is probably coming from a place of concern as much as criticism. Blaming him for not being what you think you need or deserve disregards what he may feel he needs or deserves from you.

Have you tried doing some daily gratitude? Writing down or saying in your head what you have and are grateful for? It’s about being in the moment, not related to the future which is obviously difficult for you right now.

Everyone has things they can be grateful for, no matter how small. It can put you in a better frame of mind and looking for new things to appreciate.

It sounds like you could be depressed - feelings of everything being pointless and no point in planning things is how I spotted mine.

See your GP - they’ll do a questionnaire with you to see if you do.

@Rowen32 I'm not really sure, I look into things, get excited at all the places I find try look with my partner but it always feels like "we will look later" which doesn't happen, then it's too late to book. I think deep down he doesn't want to go away with me but I dont know if this is me reading in to things that aren't there? If I bring it up its an argument.

What do you mean the holidays "just dont happen" do you mean you just dont book one in the end?

Well then it's you, you're just not booking the holidays? You partner isn't your parent , its not up to him to 'let' you both look later?
You just book the holiday you want,ask him if he wants to come as youre booking now and if he says no, have a lovely time by yourself.

Nobody is stopping you from going anywhere or doing anything.

Are you happy with your partner?

Is he supportive? Does he save too so you can go away together?

You say you don't have friends - does he?
Do you both have families you are close to?

@Notimeforaname yeah in regards to holidays I would look, get excited, research ifferent places, things to do in said places, find a million hotels but I guess I was never met with the same enthusiasm so it would get to the point where it would be too late to book because it would become last minute or prices had gone up. To be honest holidays is only one part of it but sometimes I just think jeez, I can't even look forward to a holiday. So it's literally just work, home, clean eat, bed, same again. To what end? I went shopping at the weekend, treated myself to some new clothes, then thought I don't go anywhere, do anything, what a waste of money. I do sound quite negative in all fairness, I struggle to get things across in the right way.

Just ask him if he wants to go, if he does book it, if he doesn't go yourself.. Be more pro active and life might really surprise you but no thing's going to happen if you don't try, you're just creating a self fulfilling prophecy of doom and reinforcing your beliefs that nothing good ever happens for you but it can't if you don't try

@Notimeforaname I wish I had the confidence to do something like that by myself. I don't think I'd like it on my own though.