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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being insane?

31 replies

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 19:04

Newborn baby, born a bit early, only weighs 5lbs. I'm so scared of him getting ill, I've kept my reception age child home due to Scarlett fever doing the rounds. I stopped him going to a soft-play party as it was with school friends and I was still worried about the Scarlett fever. My mum has a cold so I've not let her meet him but now my husband feels like he's got a cold so I'm not letting him hold the baby. It got really stressful tonight at bed time as my older child wanted me to do it and newborn can't be put down or screams! I'm worried I'm being insane as he really wants to go to school and I'm keeping him home but I just feel like whilst my baby is so tiny I need to keep them safe. What do I do 😩

OP posts:

Bellalalala · 31/01/2023 19:07

How early and how old is the baby?

Has there been any extra medical advice, given you to keep people away?

I understand wanting to protect your child. But keeping your older one out of school isn’t going to work for long.

It’s really difficult. As I get it. But it’s not practical.

Original poster

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 19:09

Just over 3 weeks early, he's a week old. No there isn't a reason to isolate as such he's healthy but he is just tiny and not even near his due date yet

OP posts:

Tronkmanton · 31/01/2023 19:11

Are you breastfeeding? If so the baby will be well protected by your immune system.

Hooper56 · 31/01/2023 19:12

Try not to judge yourself -
Honestly ie en if it was a little OTT, who cares, your baby, your rules.

Thing is you are bound to be a bit precious but guess what that baby is precious and your brain is making you take crazy precaustions and actually that's ok.

I guess if it escalates and makes you really unhappy how you feel then it may be a problem but if other people have a problem then Ty not to worry. Soon you'll not care what anyone else thinks as they are so precious to you.

Just don't give yourself a hard time as it's just hard at times having a baby and you are doing a great job caring !

FitzChivarly · 31/01/2023 19:15

How early is just over 3 weeks early?

My ds was born at 36weeks 6days so was classed as early, however I was advised babies born 37weeks onwards are classed as full term and as my son was so close to 37weeks, there was no extra checks or precautions to take.

I think you need to let your other ds go back to school and just make sure he changes and washes hands when he comes home.

Bellalalala · 31/01/2023 19:15

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 19:09

Just over 3 weeks early, he's a week old. No there isn't a reason to isolate as such he's healthy but he is just tiny and not even near his due date yet

Babies are considered full term at 37 weeks. I get the emotional feeling about your babies due date. But he was full term.

He may seem tiny. But 5lb isn’t excessively tiny. It’s so hard because you want to protect them from everything. But try and take a deep breath, you can’t protect them from every cold and sniffle. Take the usual precautions. Washing hands before touching the baby etc.

What happens if you get the cold?

Original poster

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 19:28

He was only a few days off full term and needed just a few days in SCBU but I just feel so protective of him it's so difficult especially being winter and with a school-age child as I know logically I can't protect him from everything but I just want to let him get a bit bigger and stronger before exposing him to all sorts. He is ebf yes.

OP posts:

Original poster

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 20:18

I don't even want to think about me getting ill as there's no way he won't get it. Going to get husband to sleep in spare room until he feels better. I'm just so scared of losing him, the past week has been intense and I just feel like I need to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him safe.

OP posts:

PollyAmour · 31/01/2023 20:21

You're not insane, you are just in a heightened state of anxiety about your precious newborn baby. Is the midwife still seeing you? Can you talk to her about your fears and worries?

Orangepolentacake · 31/01/2023 20:27

Congratulations on your baby!

my baby was overdue and barely over 5lbs, I felt like he was made of crystal and I had a siren going off my head 24/7 going KEEP HIM ALIVE KEEP HIM ALIVE AT ALL COSTS
Nature has made those first few weeks so intense for a mother for a reason - so we protect and care for them, prioritise them when we are so vulnerable ourselves. It’s natural that you want him to wrap him in bubble wrap and take precautions. But you can do that and let your older child go to school. Good hand hygiene, change of clothes, as suggested. At 1 week your baby still has what immunity they got from you from being in your womb.

if in the near future, say a month, you are still petrified of your baby catching germs, to a point where it is affecting your relationships, your expectations around the movements of others that come into contact with your baby, and causing quite a lot of anxiety, I’d suggest speaking to your health visitor or gp about it as you may need extra support.

TheShellBeach · 31/01/2023 20:28

Honey, he isn't likely to catch anything from you if you're breastfeeding him.
I think you're panicking because he's physically small.
But he was a healthy, term baby so you have no need to fear.

Orangepolentacake · 31/01/2023 20:28

wanted to add - you are absolutely not insane

trythisforsize · 31/01/2023 20:32

I had a 3 week early, 3.9lb baby - I would say nest, snuggle safe at home then rethink after half term. A week off reception won't harm your toddler - might be hard work at home for you though!
Do whatever is the least stressful and makes you feel happy.

trythisforsize · 31/01/2023 20:33

sorry - not toddler!

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/01/2023 20:35

Keep an eye on it and just monitor your feelings. With a week-old, it's probably at the protective end of 'normal'. But anxiety creeps up on you and it's worth checking in about it.

Sleepless1096 · 31/01/2023 20:52

I think you need to weigh the risks to your baby against completely tanking your older child's notions of what is normal at the same time as having a new sibling introduced into their life. Your older child will remember this time, the baby won't. And there are so many bugs and colds going about, it's only really a matter of time. I sympathise - my baby is a few months old and has already had numerous infections courtesy of my 5yo. We've been lucky in that the baby has had everything relatively mildly, while the 5yo has really suffered with some of them. You can take steps to minimise the infection risk but I don't think it's fair to expect your 5yo to live as if in lockdown for long periods of time (and ultimately contracting coughs and colds will strengthen your baby's immune system).

Original poster

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 20:53

I am he is small and had a slightly rocky start with a short SCBU stay, nothing too serious but was just not quite ready to be born! I worry if he gets something now he'll be too tired and just give up. He is just so teeny and already been through so much I just fear for him

OP posts:

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 31/01/2023 20:59

Well to be brutally honest I think your anxiety is disproportionate and you're not being fair to your 5 year old to have him miss school and parties. It's understandable but you need to get on top of it before it really gets out of hand. What's your end point? I think you should try and spend this week getting your head around it and he returns to normal life from Monday. People have babies all the time and life has to go on.

TheShellBeach · 31/01/2023 20:59

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 20:53

I'm sure he won't just give up.

PartyTips · 31/01/2023 20:59

Congratulations on your baby. DD was 37 weeks and almost 6lb so a little older and a little bigger. DS brought home every bug going. She’s had covid, scarlet fever and chicken pox along with a vomiting bug and about a billion colds. She’s only six months now and she has been absolutely fine with every illness. Honestly, she’s handled it better than DS has. Try not to worry too much - let your DH hold him and let your other DC go to school too. You can’t avoid all illnesses forever and you’ll only stress yourself out over it. He’s small but babies are actually very robust.

Coffeeandchocs · 31/01/2023 21:01

overwhelmum · 31/01/2023 20:53

I worry if he gets something now he’ll be too tired and just give up

I’m a NICU nurse. While we do say that babies born prematurely are more at risk of serious complications from illnesses, your baby was very close to term so I wouldn’t be as panicked as this statement suggests you are.

The best thing you can do while your baby is small is practice good hand hygiene. Teach your older child about the importance of washing his hands regularly and before playing with or cuddling baby.

Enjoy your baby and if your anxiety continues after a couple of weeks please see your GP. Spending time in a SCBU/NICU can be traumatising, no matter how short the stay and you shouldn’t hold off seeking help if these thoughts continue.

ThreeLittleDots · 31/01/2023 21:01

Gently, you all need for life to go on.

By EBF'ing, your body is providing your baby with plenty of antibodies. Plus when you encounter a new bug, you effectively make tailor-made medicine for your baby.

Mine was almost 6lb and I was poorly with both norovirus and several horrid respiratory viruses in his first year. He never had a snuffle (ebf).

Lkydfju · 31/01/2023 21:03

I had a premature baby who spent a few weeks in SCBU and I really know how you feel as I was very cautious of guests but unless you’ve been told by a health professional to keep your son off school then I think you need to send him back and try not to worry about what you can’t control.

Slowingdownagain · 31/01/2023 21:04

Congratulations. But I think you are being
ott and unfair on both your husband and your older child.

WindscreenWipe · 31/01/2023 21:04

You’ve said he’s EBF so his immune system will be absolutely bolstered to hell by that. It really makes a huge difference in that regard. Logically, at this point, it’ll do more harm than good to isolate him from DH and keep your other DC out of school. You’re not insane, just protective - and that’s fine but you need to ensure you’re balancing that primal protection with some logical and rationality so you don’t end up in a dark place. You’ve just had a baby so everything is very intense right now, just take a little bit of time to relax a bit.

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