To not invite this colleague out?

[itswednesdayy]

I posted about a colleague before that has an issue with me.

She loudly criticises me in the office - accusing me of not doing my job properly in front of colleagues/service users; reality was I followed proper procedures which she didn’t bother to check. I’ve been in the job longer and have experience with managing complex issues and trusted to deputise for my manager - but as she’s older than me, she assumes she just knows better than my experience. Her assumptions are to the detriment of the service users she’s assisting too so there’s follow up complaints etc.

She’s short with me and difficult to work with; but she’s cheery with others so I’m singled out. I feel she’s made it clear she doesn’t like me.

This week, colleagues arranged a dinner out and she wasn’t invited. Aibu/have I done anything wrong here? I’m conscious of coming across like I’m leaving her out - however I haven’t told anyone what she’s been doing to me nor not to invite her so I haven’t purposely excluded her.

Haha message received- thanks for helping me see sense!

This!!!!

I'm having a get together tomorrow. You, OP, are invited. I'm not inviting your work colleague. Do you feel you should invite her? No, because it's not your party and it's my guest list.
Same here - You haven't organised the event but you have been invited. Thats as complicated as it gets.
If (And I can't imagine she will) she says "Well you were the only person invited from our team so I was obviously excluded and it was ALL YOUR DOING", you can politely point out that you were indeed the only person from your team and therefore EVERYONE else was excluded but as it wasn't your guest list, it's really nothing to do with you. If she is particularly arsey you could suggest that maybe she dodged a bullet as she clearly doesn't like you and let her flap her chops out of that one.
But I think the most important thing is that you take action to curtail her unpleasantness particularly if you are periodically her line manager as it sounds like she is intimidating you and thats an absolute No!
Do not put an open invite in any chat. Go enjoy your evening with people you enjoy spending time with.

I would approach her with others around, with a smile and ask for a quick chat. Pop into a meeting room or quiet space and stick to productivity & strictly work tasks. Something like ‘I’d like us to work better together on X task, how do you think we could do that?’. Do not deviate from work subjects. These type of people are all the same… likely imposter syndrome & a sad little life. Show them you’re there to work & not nonsense.

I understand what you’re saying but this isn’t about her really. It’s so you can be happier and not worry about some shitty colleague when you should be enjoying your evening.

For the love of god, noooooo! You are overthinking this!

There is no reason for this woman to be invited. It's not as if the whole team have been invited except for her. It's a group of people who get on, from different teams. Lots of other people not invited. And frankly - not your party, not your place to invite her. Invitation must flow from the organiser, not you. I'd be well pissed off with you if I organised a night out and found you issuing invites over my head.

Your main issue seems to be that she will blame you. FFS, let her try! She'll land flat on her face.

But if you're not organising it, why are you stepping on the organiser's toes?

Either talk to them about who's invited or just keep out and go or not go as you choose.

I don't think she needs to be invited OP. You're friends with colleagues from a different team and are the only one from your team going for a meal with them. You're not organising the meal. That sounds fine to me.

On the other hand, if your team was going for a meal after work, the whole team ought to be invited.

You didn't organise it, you're the only one in your team invited, it involves about 10% of the workforce. To suddenly invite your whole team, when you're not the organiser, would annoy me if I was the organiser. If it's questioned, you'd say exactly that. It was an informal get together that wasn't organised by you, and wasn't for the whole team but for a few of you who are friendly. If everyone else on your team was invited that would be different, but they aren't.

You're not the organiser, you have been invited.

End of.

You would be spectacularly rude to invite your team and if I was the organiser I would think you were a really rude CF and I would NEVER include you in anything again.

It is not your place to invite anyone.

Have a look at some assertiveness training and read up on it and how to develop your boundaries.

Yours are poor and this will bite you in the ass as it will lead you down a path like the suggestion you made to invite your department to something you haven't organised.

Same here. Useless but keen to be popular wifey had a hello type wedding. As I had no time for her I did not get invited although just about everyone else was (bar 3 of us). The men had boys nights out, we left them to it. Managers did their own thing etc. happens all the time but these were ‘private’ non work events so no need to invite everyone.

You can't complain about being bullied and excluded if people don't want to be around you because you're a total cowbag.

It's a social event outside of work, no-one can tell you who you can or should invite. It's not works business.

Exactly this !