To be able to make a decision on joint money

[Bringonthesummer90]

Husband and I both work full time, he is paid significantly more than me. We each get paid into our own accounts and pay a share into the joint account each month to cover, all bills, food, kids clubs. We are both left with the same personal money. We are fairly comfortable and should be saving around £800 a month from the joint account.
I don't have any access to this account - only debit card is his and I have to ask to have it for example if I am going to get some extra shopping, pay for extra school uniform etc.
At the weekend I suggested the idea of getting a cleaner to take some of the pressure off. I do 80% of house jobs. The quote I got was around £150 a month so something we can afford. He has turned around and flat out said no that's not what I want to be spending money on. I should be able to make a decision on how we spend our joint money shouldn't I?

Agree with the others Op - it's sound like financial abuse. You should definitely have access but sadly I'd be amazed if there is any money left in there.

Him not speaking to you also sounds emotionally abusive and you deserve so much better.

Good luck.

I'd put money on him having such an emotional response that he has something to hide.

Be careful OP. Stop your money going into that account until you get a view of it. Get a statement.

Once you get your card, I would be getting online and getting hold of account statements. I bet they will make for interesting reading.

Sounds like economic abuse.

Please check that you are 100% listed as a named account holder. If so, obtain a card and make sure you can access the account online so you can check the previous statements.

If you are not listed as a joint account holder, then you have a serious problem.

Are you sure it's a joint account? DP and I have a joint account and the bank automatically send us both a bank card.

So either it isn't actually joint and it's in his name only, or he's intercepted the post when yours came. Which is why he's so angry. Either way it's going to come to light.

Seems like something dodgy is going on.

...and OP sulking for 2 days is abusive behaviour.

It's a joint account and you should have the same access to it as him. This is a massive ref flag for me having been a victim of financial abuse in a previous relationship.

Red not ref