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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other mum’s comment

30 replies

Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 08:43

Hi Wise Mums

My partner just called to tell me about a conversation he had yesterday with one of my work colleagues (I’m currently on mat leave, not returning to the same place, the colleague is not aware. My partner works in the sister office, so happen to know them all)

She was asking light questions as to when am I coming back and how we will tackle childcare. For the reference, I’ve got 2 DC - my girl turns 2 next months and a 7mo DS, both at home, no nursery involved yet.

The chat was going fine, until the moment she started comparing our situations for some reasons? My partner said to me he got a bit confused when she said to him she’s got it worse than me, because her partner works away most weeks and comes back Fridays stays until Mondays. She’s got one DD 4yo, full time nursery. She just came came back to work part time.

Am i unreasonable to think that people should not be making statements like this? I don’t know her situation in details and but also she doesn’t know mine/ours. You don’t know what kind of struggles people have in their life, whether there is a family support or issues with the mental health whilst tackling motherhood, second jobs - am I unreasonable to think she should have kept it for herself?

I guess I’m a bit upset by that comment though the person is not close to me, just keep thinking about it. The little one is a terrible sleeper and I’m going back to work myself next month. Glad my partner didn’t engage too much in those comments other than being polite, but I wonder whether she would have said it to my face?

thanks for reading 😊

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 31/01/2023 08:46

I would give that comment less thought than the time it took to write your post. Forget about it.

Pottedpalm · 31/01/2023 08:47

I fail to see why it has upset/annoyed you so much.

afinishedkiss · 31/01/2023 08:48

Why on earth would that upset you? Some random work colleague made a comment that she thinks she has it harder than you because she has no husband there during the week. Why would you even care? Why would your husband ring you to tell you that? Really weird thing to get upset over.

Ballygowenwater · 31/01/2023 08:49

I imagine she’s just struggling with the solo parenting in the week every week and said it
without really thinking at all about your situation. It’s very easy to be self absorbed when you’re in the depths of something hard and that’s probably the extent of it. Nothing to take offense by.

Sceptre86 · 31/01/2023 08:49

You're being oversensitive. It's normal to focus on your own situation however some people always have to have it worse than anyone else. She's one of them. Enjoy the time you have left on maternity and done give her headspace. If her partner working away is such a big deal for her that's something for them to deal with as a family.

WimpoleHat · 31/01/2023 08:49

Just sounds like chit chat to me. I wouldn’t give it any further thought. She sounds like one of those people who just says whatever comes into her head; mildly irritating in this case, possibly, but no big deal.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 31/01/2023 08:51

Didn't you post this exact same thing last week but in the other post you said their boss should have a word with her?

You were being ridiculous then and you're being ridiculous now

Teaandcrumpets95 · 31/01/2023 08:51

I'm mostly confused why your partner would go through the effort of telling you that tbh?

Sounds like idle chit chat, at a stretch maybe she mentioned it as a way of thinking it might make your partner aware to help you at home? Or she's struggling and needs to vent.

You're allowed to struggle, she's allowed to struggle.

Stop giving it headspace

Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 08:52

Thanks for your reply ladies, you’re probably right. I guess I’m struggling a bit myself and that’s why it’s a bit of a soft spot atm

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 31/01/2023 08:52

Some random person you're not close to made some mindless chit chat about parenting difficulties with your DP - is this really something you want to give headspace to?

Unicorn2022 · 31/01/2023 08:52

It didn't sound in the slightest bit rude to me, just a normal conversation. She probably does think she has it worse than you if she is on her own all week and juggling work and nursery. Honestly don't give it a second thought.

It was very weird of your partner to call you to fan the flames about such a non conversation when they clearly knew it would upset you.

Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 08:53

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 31/01/2023 08:51

Didn't you post this exact same thing last week but in the other post you said their boss should have a word with her?

You were being ridiculous then and you're being ridiculous now

No, first time posting about it.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 31/01/2023 08:53

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 31/01/2023 08:46

I would give that comment less thought than the time it took to write your post. Forget about it.

Agree. It was something and nothing. Making conversation.

Rosei · 31/01/2023 08:58

Not rude at all no, just conversation and no doubt light hearted how it was said. Nothing to be upset over.

UdoU · 31/01/2023 09:00

Going against the grain here but I think YANBU. Why was she comparing herself to you, why didn‘t compare herself to your DH, they are both working parents and he was the one she was talking to?

Sounds like she is the type to call herself a single mother.

Anyway, she’s not worth upsetting yourself about, and hopefully you don’t have to see her again. If you do bump into her, talk about how hard you have it Wink

Skyofplanets · 31/01/2023 09:00

It sounds like idle chit chat from your colleagues who are probably genuinely interested in if your coming back!

I imagine it went more like
"Hows Vienna doing? When's Vienna due back?"
"Have you decided what your doing childcare wise? It's all so bloody expensive"
"Yeah I struggled with that because of my partner being away in the week/ ah that wasn't an option for me"

Are you completely sure that she said her situation was worse than yours? Or did she just say what her situation was and you assumed?

It sounds like you've massively over thought a throwaway comment. Is there something bigger surrounding it that's make you a bit more sensitive like you worried about going back or feeling like other people don't get that it's hard?

LightDrizzle · 31/01/2023 09:01

It’s just chat. Would you be happier if he’d relayed a similar conversation with her saying she’s got it better than you?

You are totally overthinking this. Please don’t let it colour your opinion of her.

Rosei · 31/01/2023 09:02

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 31/01/2023 08:51

Didn't you post this exact same thing last week but in the other post you said their boss should have a word with her?

You were being ridiculous then and you're being ridiculous now

I recall this too!! But it was about someone who was about to have their baby, not someone coming back off maternity.

maddy68 · 31/01/2023 09:02

That's such a non story. ...she's making conversation. Why are you reading so much into it ? I would t think twice about it

Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 09:03

Skyofplanets · 31/01/2023 09:00

It sounds like idle chit chat from your colleagues who are probably genuinely interested in if your coming back!

I imagine it went more like
"Hows Vienna doing? When's Vienna due back?"
"Have you decided what your doing childcare wise? It's all so bloody expensive"
"Yeah I struggled with that because of my partner being away in the week/ ah that wasn't an option for me"

Are you completely sure that she said her situation was worse than yours? Or did she just say what her situation was and you assumed?

It sounds like you've massively over thought a throwaway comment. Is there something bigger surrounding it that's make you a bit more sensitive like you worried about going back or feeling like other people don't get that it's hard?

i genuinely don’t think my partner wanted to upset me. We know this person for many years and she always asks about me

Words for words, she said she’s got it worse, because her situation is more difficult be being by herself only

ill just ignore it like most of you advised!

OP posts:
dooneyousmugelf · 31/01/2023 09:05

To be fair, if she actually stated she has it harder than you then she's a bit of a twerp. I'm sure your DH could deal with it, though.
Not sure why he then felt the need to repeat this to you. If I was going to be annoyed, it would be because he's perhaps trying to make a point. You know him best though.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2023 09:05

Gently op, this is strange. Basically your partner had a completely ordinary chit chat with a colleague. First strange bit, he relayed it to you. Second strange bit, you listened. Third strange bit, you've thought more about it, enough to post on a forum. I'm guessing there's something deeper going on for it to register, but I can't fathom what it is.

Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 09:08

There is nothing behind it other than we are 2 tired parents really, it’s been a tough year and maybe we are both oversensitive. I guess that comment got to him too because normally, he would give me the same response as you here, to not even bother thinking

OP posts:
Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 09:08

There is nothing behind it other than we are 2 tired parents really, it’s been a tough year and maybe we are both oversensitive. I guess that comment got to him too because normally, he would give me the same response as you here, to not even bother thinking

OP posts:
Original poster
Vienna92 · 31/01/2023 09:08

There is nothing behind it other than we are 2 tired parents really, it’s been a tough year and maybe we are both oversensitive. I guess that comment got to him too because normally, he would give me the same response as you here, to not even bother thinking

OP posts: