Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband lifts

61 replies

Golightly133 · 31/01/2023 08:39

I run my dp to the station every morning @6:45. I have my own business normally. Start around 10 am - this is physical work & can be long hours and sometimes I don’t get home till 9pm he gets home around 6-7pm and very often waits for me to come home to cook our tea ( which silently infuriates me)
He has a a health condition that doesn’t allow him to drive. This week I mentioned maybe him getting a taxi, and is he is so angry he feels let down and belittled my job and my life really and has threatened to remove any support he gives me regarding my job. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 31/01/2023 11:17

Sounds like he's balancing the work laundry aspect with the lift, as opposed to dinner.

Both the lift and the laundry are work-based.
Bother the lift and the dinner are time-bound.

I would frame it that way. You each do the other a work related favour. That leaves dinner. It's shit to be the person who has to do dinner every day because of timings, so I'd say you do dinner at the weekends, including something that can be portioned and frozen for a weekday meal.

purpledalmation · 31/01/2023 11:33

Do you have mug tattooed in your forehead? Ignore him and book a regular taxi. Enjoy your lie in. Also don't cook at 9. Eat at work and tell him to sort himself out.

GoodChat · 31/01/2023 11:36

Compromise. Tell him you'll continue doing the morning lifts if you're able to relax when you get home. Although it does sound like you both have extremely long days so I can understand why you're snippy with each other.

Gymnopedie · 31/01/2023 11:38

and has threatened to remove any support he gives me regarding my job.

And what exactly does that amount to? The washing? I think that would be a good swap for you - you do your washing and he gets himself to the station, and you get to stay in bed later. So let him go through with it if he feels like that's a threat that will keep you in your place.

And he does the cooking if he wants to eat.

Stunningscreamer · 31/01/2023 12:23

Gymnopedie · 31/01/2023 11:38

and has threatened to remove any support he gives me regarding my job.

And what exactly does that amount to? The washing? I think that would be a good swap for you - you do your washing and he gets himself to the station, and you get to stay in bed later. So let him go through with it if he feels like that's a threat that will keep you in your place.

And he does the cooking if he wants to eat.

I agree. I'd much rather do the washing than have to get up every morning to give him a lift. He hasn't asked you if you'd rather do this, he's made an assumption that it works for both of you because it works rather well for him.

I'd be outraged at having to cook the meal every single night though while he's sitting around. Yes, you might compromise here by a couple of days make something in the morning that just needs to be put in the oven for when he gets back, but that should be a matter for discussion. What I really don't like about him is his threats and stonewalling. Decent adults don't behave like that, they work as a team and come to compromises.

piedbeauty · 31/01/2023 13:27

he is so angry he feels let down and belittled my job and my life really and has threatened to remove any support he gives me regarding my job

Is this how he usually reacts when you say how you feel? His reaction seems designed to shut you up so you don't express yourself or say anything negative to him.

Why 'silently seethe', op? I'd be openly asking dh where my tea was!

Are your scared of his reaction?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/01/2023 13:34

Hmmm. On the one hand I think he is lashing out from a place of frustration at his own health. If he cant drive for health issues it must be frustrating and it can feel hard being dependent on others especially when they show they can change arrangements without your agreement, it makes you feel really out of control. So I dont think it's about getting a taxi, its about being dependent on you and not having any control over the situation. So him saying he is going to withdraw support is him trying to regain control.

On the other hand, whilst he is frustrated, he is an adult and should be able to tell you how he is feeling and come to a compromise (eg taxi sometimes) without using threats as that's a horrible way of treating your partner

Also you shouldn't be silently seething about anything in a relationship

PollyPut · 31/01/2023 13:38

I am sure that the 6.45 lift is welcomed.

So get him to cook. If needs be plan the meals and buy the food if necessary. Or have it delivered in a timeslot when you know he will be home, so he can put it away too. Or invest in a slow cooker and put it on before you leave the house, and tell him to do the rice/pasta/potatoes and veg when he gets in

KittyCatChat · 31/01/2023 14:02

How exactly does he support your job?

I also can't drive for medical reasons. Free bus pass and 1/3 off trains come in very handy.

StonwEd · 31/01/2023 14:40

On the days I don't start work until 10am I will go for a swim, walk the dog and also get the slow cooker on before I leave the house at 9.30am. Up at 6 to fit that in.
But that's not because my husband won't cook, it's just too do my share of cooking.
Text dh today I've got a meeting at 5.30pm, so guess what, he's doing dinner of course as I won't be home until 6.30 earliest..
What your husband is displaying is strategic incompetence. I don't know about the reasons behind the lift but everything else you are enabling.

CosyScentedCandles · 31/01/2023 14:48

I thought this was going to be a thread about the gains your husband was making at the gym tbh 😂

New posts on this thread. Refresh page