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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pull a sicky for a hen night?

40 replies

Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 21:31

I’ve been invited on a hen-do for (soon to be) SIL. I’m not really bothered about going but if I don’t accept the invitation it will cause tensions within the family that I just haven’t got the energy to deal with.

The trouble is, I’m skint. The hen-do is a couple of months away but I’ve checked money coming in & out between now and then and there just isn’t anything spare to save up.

Would I be unreasonable to pretend that I intend to go, but then back out last minute due to illness?

There’s nothing to pay in advance, just food, drinks and taxis on the night, so no one else would be out of pocket by me not going.

OP posts:
CrimsonPostBox · 30/01/2023 21:33

Just tell her you can't afford it.

MrsMikeDrop · 30/01/2023 21:33

Will be worse if you pull a sicky and probably obvious. Just say you can't afford it

TellySavalashairbrush · 30/01/2023 21:34

I’d be upfront . The stress of worrying about having to go through the drama of pulling a sickie would be too much for me. Just thank sil but say you are broke.

VioletPickles · 30/01/2023 21:34

Nah, that’s not really fair if you’ve no intention of going. Be honest.

JamSandle · 30/01/2023 21:36

Sometimes pulling a sickie is the easiest way to avoid a drama.

Lcb123 · 30/01/2023 21:36

Be honest, it’s not fair to knowingly
say you’ll go when you won’t. Will be more upsetting to the bride and those organising. If it will annoy someone in the family, ask them to pay for you!

Original poster
Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 21:37

Thanks, I had worried I was BU, just desperately trying to think of a solution.

If I say I can’t afford it, DB will offer to lend me money, but I don’t want to borrow money I can’t pay back. Especially for something non-essential like a night out drinking.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/01/2023 21:39

I would honestly just tell her the truth.

If he offers to lend you the money just say something like “I know you mean well but I can’t pay it back, or get into debt for an evening out”

Swiftswatch · 30/01/2023 21:40

You’re unreasonable to say you are going when you always plan to pull out at the last minute.
If there’s no prearranged activities and it’s just a local ‘night out drinking’ surely you can just spend as much of as little as you want? You could easily attend and not really drink.
Otherwise you should really just make it known you won’t be attending.

ButterCrackers · 30/01/2023 21:40

Just explain the truth in advance. You won’t worry and your future sil can plan accordingly.

daisytumble · 30/01/2023 21:41

I think it’s acceptable to pull a sicky in this scenario

GooglyEyeballs · 30/01/2023 21:41

You're better off being honest and saying you're not comfortable borrowing money. If you pull a sickie it'll be obvious and I really doubt anyone will buy it and that will be way worse.

RainLover · 30/01/2023 21:43

I don’t think YABU. Ideally, you’d be honest and they’d accept your answer. Or better still, they’d consider everyone’s financial situation in the planning. But in a less than ideal situation, when it won’t mean additional cost for anyone else, a sicky is an easy way out.
If it’s that, or spending what you don’t have - sicky every time for me.

blackbeardsballsack · 30/01/2023 21:43

Do you drive? If so can you drive and save on taxis/alcohol?

Original poster
Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 21:45

The taxis would probably be quite expensive, so not drinking and then driving home would definitely work better for me. I think the others will presume I’m pregnant though (which I’m not!!!)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 30/01/2023 21:46

No. You need to say you can't sfford it. But you shoild msje an effort to be there. Food drinks and taxi doesn't seem over extravsgsnt. Its not a month in the Seychelles,

Randomness12 · 30/01/2023 21:46

Totally pull a sickie. Avoid the drama, path of least resistance. I think it’s really important to be as honest as you can but sometimes a white lie is totally necessary. This is one of those. Nobody will be hurt by it, it’s not important and not likely to be found out.

OnTheBoardwalk · 30/01/2023 21:47

Just say you can’t afford it so the total cost can be shared by the people actually going rather than an unexpected cost for them on the night

Serialcatmum · 30/01/2023 21:47

I’d be “ill” the day if the hen do.

declutteringmymind · 30/01/2023 21:48

That sounds like a good compromise if you can stretch to it. Better still if you can get some others to pitch in fuel money. You could also just skip the meal and go for drinks but that will be harder to get out of. Who cares if they think you're pregnant.

workiskillingme · 30/01/2023 21:50

I'm not sure why you wouldn't at least try to attend after all it's your soon to be sister in law not your next door neighbours Avon ladies daughter

declutteringmymind · 30/01/2023 21:50

Also I find that in this situation people will flake at the last minute. I ended up going to a do this weekend after 4 out of 5 of our friends group dropped out. I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't the fact that my husband is also friends with the other person who's joint birthday it was. It's becoming more acceptable to cancel last minute unfortunately.

BritInAus · 30/01/2023 21:51

I think it's rude to pull a sickie at the last minute and will be obvious. I think the best options are

  1. go along and have a cheap dinner, explain in advance you're broke so won't be splitting the bill - you're really looking forward to the night, but need to just pay your share and no more of food, then drive home and just have one drink / only soft drinks, so the night should be really cheap
  2. explain you'd love to go but are utterly broke - and even borrowing won't help as you won't then suddenly have more money to pay it back.
workiskillingme · 30/01/2023 21:51

declutteringmymind · 30/01/2023 21:50

Also I find that in this situation people will flake at the last minute. I ended up going to a do this weekend after 4 out of 5 of our friends group dropped out. I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't the fact that my husband is also friends with the other person who's joint birthday it was. It's becoming more acceptable to cancel last minute unfortunately.

That's a birthday though people have one every year- a hen do is slightly more significant is it not?

Turnthelightoff · 30/01/2023 21:53

I think you should go but drive. You could even give some lifts on the way there (not back as you’ll maybe want to leave earlier.) that’s a really nice effort you could make to show you want to join in for your SIL