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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to pull a sicky for a hen night?

40 replies

Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 21:31

I’ve been invited on a hen-do for (soon to be) SIL. I’m not really bothered about going but if I don’t accept the invitation it will cause tensions within the family that I just haven’t got the energy to deal with.

The trouble is, I’m skint. The hen-do is a couple of months away but I’ve checked money coming in & out between now and then and there just isn’t anything spare to save up.

Would I be unreasonable to pretend that I intend to go, but then back out last minute due to illness?

There’s nothing to pay in advance, just food, drinks and taxis on the night, so no one else would be out of pocket by me not going.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 21:54

I appreciate that it could be a lot more expensive (early suggestions were a weekend abroad but that’s not happening now). I expect it would probably be around about £100 with taxi and alcohol, or £50 for a meal, soft drinks and parking. I just don’t think I can get that together though, I’m literally doing my food shopping with a calculator at the moment and not buying anything extra at all.

OP posts:

Cococomellonn · 30/01/2023 21:56

Just say no it's not in budget

if you borrow money it still needs to be paid back so not in budget

toomuchlaundry · 30/01/2023 21:57

Have you budgeted for the wedding?

ClassroomRunaway · 30/01/2023 22:00

Yanbu. Initially I thought you were asking if you should pull a sickie at work so you could go on a hen do!

In these circumstances I think a sickie is fine. No prearranged activities, just drinking type night and if you said you were skint you'd get lent money and otherwise strong armed into going.

Just remembering that I didn't go to my Sail's hen do and I don't even think I have her a specific excuse. She turned out to be a twat anyway and they're now divorced.

Mamai90 · 30/01/2023 22:01

I think you need to be honest. No-one believes a sicky when there's a night out involved. I think if you commit to something you really need to go unless there is a genuine reason not to.

Original poster

Notupforit444 · 30/01/2023 22:02

toomuchlaundry · 30/01/2023 21:57

Have you budgeted for the wedding?

I’ve already got a dress I can wear. I’m driving our grandparents home after the reception so won’t be drinking then, so no costs for alcohol or hotel for the wedding.

Not sure what I can do about a gift though. Was thinking maybe a nice album filled with pictures of them. Not sure if that will come across as cheap / tacky, but it’s the best idea I’ve had so far.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 30/01/2023 22:10

Definitely be honest. Nobody will judge you for it.

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 30/01/2023 22:17

I would have a chat with her and be honest. Suggest a lunch with just her instead.
As for the wedding present, you can buy Afternoon Teas on wowcher/buy a gift for less than £30. Pair that with something handmade and youll be fine.

MrsAvocet · 30/01/2023 22:22

In my younger days I used to always be on night shift on such occasions. Unfortunate, but you know, that's just how the rota used to fall...
I appreciate that not everyone's work schedule lends itself to such deception works that way, but could you come up with some absolutely non negotiable work commitment or something similar? That way you avoid the event, hopefully without causing offence, but you can give some notice so it doesn't cause any last minute upset on the night?
Sometimes I think it does no harm to manipulate your diary so that you have a good reason not to attend something rather than risk upsetting people by being completely honest about not wanting to go.

NoGoodUsernamee · 30/01/2023 22:22

Don’t pull a sickie it’s just obvious. Think of a better excuse 😂

melchim · 30/01/2023 22:35

Say you can't afford it and if your brother offers to lend the money, say you can't ever pay it back.

If he offers to give you the money, accept it graciously because it's family and they want you there.

Don't pull a sickie at the last minute, that's much worse.

UsingChangeofName · 30/01/2023 22:54

melchim · 30/01/2023 22:35

Say you can't afford it and if your brother offers to lend the money, say you can't ever pay it back.

If he offers to give you the money, accept it graciously because it's family and they want you there.

Don't pull a sickie at the last minute, that's much worse.

This.

If he offers to give you the money, accept it graciously and at some point in the future, do something nice for someone else.
If his budget is tight as well, then just say to SiL to be "It's really nice of you to ask me but life is such at the moment I haven't got the money for another night out before the wedding, so I won't be able to come but hope you have a really lovely night with your friends, and I am really looking forward to the wedding".

Don't pretend you are going to go, if you have no intention of it.

user432900976 · 30/01/2023 22:55

Just drive and drink soft drinks and explain you can't attend the meal as you can't afford it.

declutteringmymind · 30/01/2023 23:18

@workiskillingme it was a 40th at a venue, so comparable.

Rosei · 30/01/2023 23:41

I'd be honest. If there was any drama because you can't afford it then that's a reflection on them and not you. I wouldn't let her down at the last minute, because other people probably will too and it could ruin her hen completely x

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