Do you feel disappointed by people?

[Couldjusteataplateofnachos]

It seems to be happening to me more and more.
It’s true I’m a sensitive person, but do you ever just feel let down and disappointed by people?
It’s happened today with a friend, who I thought was doing me a favour work wise, but has basically poached clients/work from me.
I’ve distanced myself from another friend who I felt I was always putting the effort in with and giving all of myself, I have no bad feelings, but made a vow to value myself more, now she’s making a huge effort..which is nice, but it feels too late, I feel differently, why does it have to take going to extremes for people to respect you and treat you the way you treat them?
Even my parents showed a side of themselves in autumn that I’m finding hard to be around, I know they love me, but there actions were just so incredibly selfish.
Have people stopped caring as much/only thinking of themselves?
Dh sympathised but said this is what happens in life and it’s sad but I need to toughen up a bit.
Just feeling really disappointed in people and don’t feel willing to put myself out for people or try to be a good friend, which is awful and I don’t want to turn bitter.
Does anyone else feel like this?

*Their actions, not there

Feeling 100% like this at the moment and it’s really bloody depressing! I’m sorry you’re feeling it too.

Also feeling this 100%. Have shed a lot of people in my life.

Yep! Same. A lot of people seem to lack integrity. If you muck up or get things wrong (which I do all the time) an apology goes a long way but no one seems to do this anymore.

Yes same. I don't think I have high expectations of people but do often feel let down. It is always with things I would never do myself such as forget a birthday

No, but then I accept everyone is human and has flaws. I don’t see friendships as needing to be exactly reciprocal - if I enjoy someone’s company I’ll continue to see them regardless of whether i feel they put in the ‘effort’ I do. Mumsnet friendships seem so intense, like everything has to be mirrored but at the same time with a slight distance so you don’t appear ‘interfering’. Tiny comments seem enough to dump somebody or go NC. Everything is massively overthought.

My mum was like that, and I vowed I never would be because you burn every bridge you have and end up lonely.

@Cuppasoupmonster I accept everyone has flaws also, myself included, i’m also fairly laid back in friendships and find intensity off putting..but, there comes a point when people can be fairly careless with the way they are and if I act the same (I’ve only started to do this this year) not in a tit for tat way, I’ve just checked out. They then become very surprised and upset.
With today’s incident, I’ve been v good to this friend and always done her favours etc work wise (we work in the same field) She’s never returned that favour (which is fine, I didn’t expect that or need it) until recently..except it wasn’t to return a favour or help me at all, it’s hard to explain, I’m just feeling disappointed by people’s characters of late, not sure what’s going on

Lack of full stops there 🙄

Definitely, as my estrogen lowers, so does my ability to people please and I now have a laser sharp focus when it comes to people taking advantage.
I also learnt that I used to do things for people to feel better about myself - I don't anymore.
But still, I am always surprised by how many people are out/all about themselves.

I can totally relate to this.

I have distanced myself from a few people lately with no regrets at all. This isn’t like me, but I can no longer put the emotional energy into friendships where I get very little in return. It’s draining. It’s hard to realise that a friendship meant much more to you than the other person. Once that disappointment is there, I can’t go back anymore.

I have also realised how nasty and bitchy people are at my work. Not towards me, but I hear things and it’s obvious that people are targeting certain individuals for ridiculous reasons. There is a ringleader, and it saddens me that this is happening. I have reported this today for the second time.

Yes, people disappoint me.

On the other hand I am grateful that the people in my life that truly matter are there for me always.

I've been there! Sorry you've gone through this.

In my view a large proportion of people operate on the basis of looking out for No. 1 and are not particularly generous. It can be hard to grasp that when it is not how you operate. But if you become more selective with where you put you energy you can get better at avoiding this disappointment in future. You will also begin to identify friends who are more like you in terms of generosity and thoughtfulness. Conserve your energy for these people and you will have some truly wonderful friendships.

@Mmmmmmattersons I’m 44…perhaps I’m peri and it’s causing me to feel this way? Or to stop being so soft and get a backbone

You don't need to change, you just need to do as the poster above says and become more selective. You will have less friends but they are much better quality.

@Cherrysherbet Yes, I feel with one particular friend (a very good person and has been a good friend in the past, but so have I) that after 16 years of friendship, there needs to be more to it for it to survive. I’m thinking she maybe didn’t realise I felt this way and is likely surprised. It’s interesting to see how when you act the same as others…don’t wish their children or them happy birthday, don’t celebrate or acknowledge their successes/down times etc, they are quite shocked..but it’s ok for them to act like that. I have no bitterness or anger, just feel sad and disappointed. The other friend is someone I’ve gone out of my way to help/do favours for and just felt what happened today was just shitty and I feel disappointed with her character.
The thing for me is trying not to take it to heart, to shake it off and move on and hopefully most people aren’t the same 🤷🏻‍♀️

@3487642l So many people are so selfish and looking out for themselves 😫
If someone’s been good to me at some point, I remember it and if the opportunity arose, I’d be happy to help them.
I suppose it’s learning how to recognise the good people and perhaps not being so naive, but doesn’t that involve being guarded and not being able to trust people the same. I've had great friends over the years but recently it just feels like people are so selfish, it’s hard not to become the same

Every day!
I'm wondering if it's my age too? 48.

I'm nearing 40 and asked DH today if he had noticed this and was it something to do with covid? Or age?

I'm getting older and more assertive and being a hypocrite not giving a fuck myself?

I've stated to value myself more as well. In the past I did drop my standards and attracted using types.

I'm a lot more confident now and I will think nothing of letting go of something that is toxic. I will happily take myself shopping or for coffee and enjoy being on my own without having to pay the bill for a user friend.

There must be something in the air. I’ve distanced myself from two friends recently as I was tired of sitting in silence listening to them talk about themselves.

When I ask how their children are (they are the same age as mine) they bang on about them, then change the subject without asking after my children. They seem to have zero interest in anyone’s life except their own, and I realise how boring they are.

So, I’m moving on and I feel great about it.

I think we have become more insular and less community minded but I don't necessarily think that's a good or a bad thing. Humans are pretty social creatures because on average it works to our advantage (selfish gene) but as needs change we adapt.
I like to be left alone and do my own thing but my contribution is fair. I would eg go to an event I wouldn't enjoy (go on, make an effort) I'm not in the least bit interested in clapping for the NHS (10 years service) or the queen's funeral. I wouldn't have my mum live me coz she's lonely. I don't however expect a Xmas invite anywhere, or ask for lifts, childcare or the proverbial cup of sugar.
I do however do charity work, sweep up the neighbours snow, pick up hitch hikers and chat to that weird bloke at work. I just don't have a strong sense of 'tribe'. I feel I belong to myself and the world, not particular my family or neighbours or friends.
If I was your neighbour I might cut your lawn, felt your shopping, or knock on your door at midnight if I heard you crying. I wouldn't come to Carol concert and if I didnt want company id ignore you. If you were my sister and you visited dad in the care home 4 times a week I'd say lm sticking with my monthly.
Would you be disappointed with me?

I'd like a friend like you. Self sufficient and not one bit needy

but I can no longer put the emotional energy into friendships where I get very little in return. It’s draining

I don’t really know what posters mean by ‘emotionally energy’ in this context.

I just go about my life and business until a friend contacts me or I contact them. It’s not ‘draining’, truth be told I don’t think about them a great deal in between, I’m too busy.

I had a friend I was very close to when our kids were small. The closest friend I've ever had. But over the years we've drifted. I'd still like to have a close relationship but she seems happy with the odd meal out every few weeks. My mum had a stroke last summer. I told her, she didn't once check in until I had to tell her mum had died. She came to the funeral like a faithful friend but I still felt let down. She recently forgot my birthday but a few days later apologised and said she'd make it up to me. I can't be arsed to reply. It hurts though...

I agree, my birthday gets forgotten and I'm always the planner in my female friendship group. I recently joined a male stag do abroad ( related and best of friends with the main party ) and the men there, including my own partner were so inclusive of me and lovely. I've known them forever and our work setup meant it would have been weird for my not to come but there was no obvious female for me to invite as company. They were so kind though. It made me realise that maybe I put too much importance on planning things and expecting more off of the wrong people - yes my female friends are similar to me and the obvious people to go to for support and conversation but I've decided after the trip that next time my social battery needs charging I'm going for whoever is feeling sociable aswell in that moment. My focus is going to be on me this year and it sounds like you're going that way too... Trust me it's for the better! There is always someone who will surprise you with how lovely they are when you feel let down. Back in October I cried because my friends had forgotten my birthday and the activity I had planned which included crafts near me I had to cancel because I had nobody to go with. In the end I drove really far into the next county to meet my boyfriend's nan for a coffee as she is always the first to reply to a text or see how I am and I nearly cried again when I got out the car and she linked my arm and strolled into the coffee shop with me. I made a vow to surround myself with anyone who makes me feel good and stop worrying about people who don't seem to care.

@Anonymum40 So sorry about your mum 😔This is the thing, I never understand how people can’t just even send the odd text to see how they are etc, do they forget/not think/not care.
I had similar a year and a half ago with the friend I’ve known for years. We were messaging back and forth and in one reply I said how my mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer (she’s ok) she didn’t reply to this or hasn’t asked since about it at all 🤷🏻‍♀️She didn’t wish my Dd happy birthday or me on my birthday, either privately or on social media posts…I’ve done the same, which was actually really hard for me as it’s natural for me to want to wish happy birthday etc. I don’t know if she’s realised and it upset her at all or perhaps she’s not bothered. Either way, I don’t feel that sad anymore, I really did at first, I’ve moved on now.

@Chocolateonsticks That’s so sweet of your boyfriends Nan 🥰