Do you feel disappointed by people?

[Couldjusteataplateofnachos]

It seems to be happening to me more and more.
It’s true I’m a sensitive person, but do you ever just feel let down and disappointed by people?
It’s happened today with a friend, who I thought was doing me a favour work wise, but has basically poached clients/work from me.
I’ve distanced myself from another friend who I felt I was always putting the effort in with and giving all of myself, I have no bad feelings, but made a vow to value myself more, now she’s making a huge effort..which is nice, but it feels too late, I feel differently, why does it have to take going to extremes for people to respect you and treat you the way you treat them?
Even my parents showed a side of themselves in autumn that I’m finding hard to be around, I know they love me, but there actions were just so incredibly selfish.
Have people stopped caring as much/only thinking of themselves?
Dh sympathised but said this is what happens in life and it’s sad but I need to toughen up a bit.
Just feeling really disappointed in people and don’t feel willing to put myself out for people or try to be a good friend, which is awful and I don’t want to turn bitter.
Does anyone else feel like this?

Going against the grain here; I feel hopeful about people, as going through a very difficult time and friends both close and middling have been amazingly kind and put themselves out for me in incredible ways. I’ve found it really heartening after realising that an extremely close friendship was unbalanced and my friend of decades was changing and not wanting to be close any more. I’ve now realised it’s far better for me to be friends with people who have shown me a depth of commitment and kindness as it builds reciprocal trust. I hope you find some more true friends OP.

I can emphasise with you OP and so many others on here.
I'm feeling very much the same.
Part of me doesn't feel sad about it, part of me does though.
I've really distanced myself from some so called friends recently and realised nobody is really interested in me. It's always me making the effort and I'm so done with it.
Are people more self obsessed now or am I just seeing it more now?!

Yes. But what has helped me is to dial down on the friendships where it's the case. And increase the effort on better ones. Its really helped me move on.

I have one friend in particular who never organises anything. I enjoy her company , but I now just see her a few times a year when I bother to ask her and she always comes along. We have a laugh and she just disappears again. Bit weird, but I get something out of it and don't feel short-changed.

100% feel like this right now. I don’t really have any true friends.

money of the women I thought I was getting close to let me down massively to the point I don’t think I’ll ever trust a word that comes out of her mouth and do you know what I’ve done? I blamed myself. ME!! I blamed me for this girl obliterating my trust. I was feeling incredibly down (I’m also one that gets told many times that I’m too sensitive and that I am too emotional but you know what? I love that about myself! Oh and I get told I look to validate myself in others. But fuck it. I love me!! Just other people don’t 😂) and I hadn’t spoken to a group because I was physically incredibly sick. I was in hospital but they don’t know that. I spoke with her because we had a thing but I didn’t have the energy really to speak to others because what I thought would happen did happen. I told my husband after and he just said ‘I don’t know why you keep thinking these women are your friends because they truly aren’t. I’ve been crushed so bad during all of this. Many times over to the point that I feel sad and sick.

I needed to rant. I haven’t name changed for this because fuck it. You don’t know me and I do like who I am.

I said that! That an apology is amazing nowadays. Why? Because no Rucker’s say sorry!

I try not to expect too much and mainly hope for the best, then see how the philosophy plays out so to speak

I read this thread as I definitely do not get that feeling and wondered why.

I am pleasant to pretty much everyone and am well liked (I think!) but it's a very casual niceness and I wouldn't notice these people not in my life after a few weeks. I see a lot of people come and go at my work.

However in my department we are covert close the 4 of us. I have 2 other close friends, one parent, one daughter and one brother. I do cherish these relationships but I don't think I would ever feel let down because I can't think what I need from them other than their existence in my life. I make plans with these people but I am very flexible if needs be. I truly truly believe these 9 people love me and would do me no harm intentionally so I trust them and their actions and wouldn't second guess a 'supposed' slight on their end.

I think I've got a good balance of acquaintances and true friends and family and I trust the latter implicitly

I think that’s the right approach, @Lucylock. I don’t expect anything nowadays, I just enjoy the time that I have with friends. It’s much easier.

Yes. So many people are takers. It's made me not really trust anyone anymore. I'm also 44.

I think you should ask your friend why she poached your clients and tell her that you are extremely disappointed about it. That would be putting it lightly. If it wouldn't impact you professionally, you could tell her that she is a sneaky nasty bitch for stealing your clients. Verbally obviously so you can deny it. You need to be able to play people at their own game - and that means not always sticking to the truth. Nice people are shat on.

I have been through pretty deep emotional pain because of issues in friendships and feeling let down so I've kind of unattached myself. I don't rely on others at all even my parents and sister. I just see people when I see them and enjoy their company e.g. have a friend I enjoy going to the theatre with, another walking etc. Have a laugh with work colleagues, but close to emotional attachments? Not for me, just with my children.i have actually found a lot more peace and equilibrium in myself being this way and don't feel lonely.

I totally agree. I'm pretty crap at being the fríend who is constantly checking in and so don't expect that from others. Those who know me know I'm there when they need me for whatever. I don't ever sulk with friends, I try not to read too much into things and ask outright if I think I've said something wrong and I'm the first to apologise if I have done something wrong.

i have never dumped a friend or chosen to go non contact. Maybe I've just been lucky and just never had the need to. I hate reading here how many people are so quick to suggest break contact, even with family members, over often quite small issues.

Everyone is going through their own shit and if someone forgets to wish me happy birthday or doesn't call for a while, it doesn't cross my. mind. We all have lives going on which get in the way.

I'm disapointed in my parents who have treated me like a second class citizen all my life.
They've crossed a line now and I'm done.

Constantly. And I don't think my expectations are crazy high.

My own parents have consistently let me down, for a start. One is now dead, his parting shot has left a lasting impact on my and my kids' lives. My mother is seemingly happy to see me struggle.

Ex-h, same. Totally screwed me over.

Going through a tough time these last couple of years (separation, health issues) has really highlighted who my actual friends are. Amazingly, a few have really stepped in, who I'd not thought would. Those who I thought would check in on me in my time of need, nowhere to be seen - people I've been friends with for decades. Brand new people I've met have been better friends to me than those I'd though of as lifelong friends.

I'm really not bothered about people remembering my birthday. But going through a tough time, that's when I could have done with some contact and care.

I agree it is about becoming less naive and yes, looking for the good people. It is definitely sad to realise we can't go around trusting everyone!

This is happening a lot.

As I've got older I've got my grumpy and my expectations have got bigger!

I think as I've got older (or more mature....lol) I have less tolerance for it all.

However I'm now almost having to stay again friendship wise as I've moved countries and I can tell you friendly acquaintances have a value! It's good to have someone to go to a comedy night, they're, out for a drink etc with. At the moment I don't have many to even ask, let alone any who would invite me.

So just have a think about what people bring to your life. If they're backstabbing bitches cut them off. But if they're otherwise nice people who might not make the cut as 'friends' due to lack of effort (or time to ability) just relegate them to friendly acquaintance and set your expectations at that level.

Honestly, the less you expect the better life is.

Yes. People have failed to recognise birthdays and significant life events. I've realised that for some people I am (well, was) 'plan b' compared with my view of them as 'plan a'. People have requested favours and flexibility from me, yet the same people have not reciprocated. My employer does not recognise my worth.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm hardening and becoming cynical. I've faded friendships, stopped being so flexible, am negotiating to work for a new employer... On the one hand it's good that I'm actioning change, becoming aware of boundaries and enforcing them, but on the other hand I can't shake the feeling that I'm only doing it because I've been hurt. I'm hoping that in time the 'new me' will find that healthier boundaries/relationships will lead to less disappointment.

@SwingandaPrayer same I couldn’t care less if my birthday is forgotten - in the type to message on the day ‘shit suit shit sorry I forgot!!’ And I usually get something back in the same vein 😂 these are friends I’ve had for 20 years, we all have enough going on without all that. We’re always there for each other if we want a rant we can just write and send it without having to do the whole ‘asking them about themselves’ thing first that I see a lot on here. I don’t understand that one either, if you’ve got something you want to say just bloody say it -I’m not going to sit trying elicit information from somebody for hours. Conversation should be organic, sometimes if I call someone for a chat we’ll get stuck on one topic for the whole call - it doesn’t need to be this weird conversational tennis where you ‘ask someone something about themselves’ every 5 minutes.

I think a lot of people identify certain people as givers. Once they single you out as a giver they just don’t stop taking unfortunately and see no reason to reciprocate because they feel it’s in their benefit.

I relate to a lot of this. I used to buy presents for multiple friends kids birthday despite being childfree plus remember their (my friends) birthdays and send a text at minimum. I’d even turn up to their children’s parties when invited. When it came round to my birthday these certain friends would forget every single year. I get I’m not a child but a text or call would have been nice and inexpensive on their end. There were other things too for instance I had a friend who would dump all her trauma on me, despite the fact she had a partner she chooses not to trauma dump to, and then switch off if I ever spoke about my own issues.

I scaled back my friendship circle , reassessed some friendships and stopped pouring out so much of myself to the takers and I’m so glad I did. Some people noticed I’m sure, but I don’t care.

No I don't. I have in the past and usually it was a combined of being around the wrong people and upset at elements of my life.

Honestly, no.
I don't keep friendship accounts, knowing whose called who or initiated contact and try to keep an unconditional kind regard for people (especially friends!) unless they've been really horrible. If they want to drift off, fine, if they want to come back, great!
I think where I'm bad, and sorry if I'm your shit friend, is that I can forget to keep in contact sometimes. I do try to remember but I can be lax like that and months can go by.

Some people just place more importance on birthdays etc than others. I have to remember and do something for the birthdays of my children, husband, siblings, parents - that's 8 a year, as well as Christmas, anniversary, and various other random events. I don't know or remember my friends' birthdays. But if they invite me for birthday drinks, I'll go. If they phoned me on their birthday and said they were lonely, I'd make time for them. If they constantly remember my birthday and my kids birthdays I thank them but tell them I probably won't reciprocate because I don't want to take another obligation on. They can stop or carry on as they wish. Spend time with people you like, who like you, and who make time for you when you need it, and sometimes when you just want it. Don't fuss about things being exactly reciprocal. People have different needs, values and personalities so it rarely will be.