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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling a meal extravagant

44 replies

snowcatblue · 30/01/2023 12:29

Help settle a raging row

Context dh and I have been finding it hard to get along for a while. We have two young DC and are exhausted.
Money is tight but we both work and can afford the odd treat here and there. He worries more than me and takes control of spreadsheets to manage his anxiety but is also avoidant and hasn't looked at the for months.
We have joint account for family related spending/bills etc and separate individual accounts for personal spending (with the same budgets each)

This weekend he took our DD out for lunch and at the last minute his DSis joined. She never pays for anything. They went for pizza and he paid for it all out of the joint account. It came to £50.
I said when I saw him afterwards 'I wouldn't have put an extravagant lunch on the joint account' thinking that when I have one child with me and meet a friend, if I pick up another persons bill I would do it on my personal account.

He has gone loopy and is now expecting me to apologise for an incendiary comment about a meal being expensive.

AIBU to think that my comment was not incendiary
YANBU it is ok to call a meal extravagant when an extra pizza is bought

OP posts:
Naameechangee · 30/01/2023 12:33

I couldn't be arsed with this level of childishness over who spends what from where!

meetmeatmidnights · 30/01/2023 12:35

Your remark is quite petty to me and is obviously said to make a point. If that's how you feel, surely you'd say something like "oh, I noticed you paid from the joint account for pizza - is this not something we should be using a personal accounts for?" or similar.

Ambergrain · 30/01/2023 12:35

Unless you are absolutely struggling or there is a huge back story then you are very unreasonable to moan over an extra £10 for his sister's pizza. Very tight if I'm honest and not a great quality.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 30/01/2023 12:36

He should have treated his own dsis from his own account. Why should op pay when she wasn't even there?

SmileWithADimple · 30/01/2023 12:38

Your comment was a bit mean, but if he would be cross with you for doing the same kind of thing then he needs to recognise that.

Slowingdownagain · 30/01/2023 12:39

Well extravagent means lacking in restrain in spending money. I am not sure I see £50 for a meal for 3 as extravagant. What was, maybe, extravagant was agreeing to pay for his sister. I think the way you said it got his back up.

rookiemere · 30/01/2023 12:40

We have a similar arrangement with joint and solo budgets. Had the lunch out for DH and DD already been discussed? If so it's only the SILs bit was extra. I think using the word extravagant for a £10 pizza was a bit OTT.

Once everyone has calmed down I'd say that you're not annoyed with him, more his Sis that never pays for anything- because that's the issue isn't it ?

MrsBunnyEars · 30/01/2023 12:40

It’s not extravagant.

It might be not how you’ve agreed to use the joint account, but that’s a different issue.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 30/01/2023 12:41

What happens if you were to go spend the same from the joint account on something unnecessary?

Rosei · 30/01/2023 12:42

The part you're complaining about is the SIL, so let's day £10 for her pizza. So you're complaining about your half that you've paid so £5. Really? What an odd setup.

ijustneedanamefgs · 30/01/2023 12:42

Go spend the same. Then have a discussion on what’s joint account spendings and what’s personal. I would have considered the above a personal expense tbh

Rosei · 30/01/2023 12:42

*say, not day

JarByTheDoor · 30/01/2023 12:43

Extravagance is relative. If you hardly ever go out to eat because of the cost, then buying another adult a meal out on a whim would count as extravagant to me, yes.

plumduck · 30/01/2023 12:43

It's fine now you know you can use the joint account when you go out

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2023 12:45

So his and DC puzz

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 30/01/2023 12:45

I think yabu to call £50 meal to a pizza place extravagant. However I would agree that if you keep a lot of your finances seperate then it should have come from his own account.

Chowtime · 30/01/2023 12:46

Treating your SIL to a pizza once in her lifetime is quite a nice thing to do. Have you never eaten anything that someone else paid for?

Zipadeebooyah · 30/01/2023 12:46

This is about way more than a pizza.

Original poster
snowcatblue · 30/01/2023 12:47

Thank you all for perspective and calling my nonsense. Yes I was probably already pissed off with him for other things.

I've called and apologised and we've both agreed not be dicks when we get home from work tonight.

Thank you x

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 30/01/2023 12:47

Pizza OK from joint, dsis' not? Clarify this and if that's how you want to move forward tell him to transfer cost from his account back. Although this could end up petty. Does your mum or other friend or family go out for coffee etc with you and kids? Does this always come out of your spends?

thecatsthecats · 30/01/2023 12:48

The meal could be £5 or £500, but the point was that solo outings generally come off personal cards... But then your child was included too.

This wouldn't be an argument if you were getting on well.

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2023 12:49

Ah x post because formatting and posting us going haywire for me just now! @snowcatblue go you being all mature and all!😀

Zipadeebooyah · 30/01/2023 12:54

snowcatblue · 30/01/2023 12:47

Thank you all for perspective and calling my nonsense. Yes I was probably already pissed off with him for other things.

I've called and apologised and we've both agreed not be dicks when we get home from work tonight.

Thank you x

Love it!!

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 30/01/2023 12:55

YANBU, the SIL is a cheeky freeloading bitch and your DH is entitled.

Zipadeebooyah · 30/01/2023 13:01

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 30/01/2023 12:55

YANBU, the SIL is a cheeky freeloading bitch and your DH is entitled.

Well timed comment ...