Page 3 | Fuming boyfriend lied AIBU

K83atie83 · 2023-01-29T23:42:29+00:00

My boyfriend has been off sick since Oct (we live together) thinks i don't know and has lied when i asked Tonight i asked him why he hasn't told me he's been off sick. His reply was he doesn't need to tell me. I am fuming. Who is wrong here?

WandaWonder · 30/01/2023 09:27

ShakespearesBlister · 30/01/2023 09:06

I'm seeing this both ways. He's on full pay for 6 months so what he does isn't having any financial impact on either of you. If rent and bills were falling behind that's different. If he'd covered it up a bit better you'd probably have been none the wiser but I agree it's odd that he wouldn't be honest about it when it doesn't really have any financial impact anyway. The real question is would it have bothered you if he had told you about it, seeing there's no real impact financially at least short term? Now if he had been lying about going to work while gambling the rent or shagging another woman...

Yes this, sure I think it's all odd but if he is able to carry on like normal then I don't see why you actually need to know

Original poster

K83atie83 · 30/01/2023 09:39

WandaWonder · 30/01/2023 09:27

Yes this, sure I think it's all odd but if he is able to carry on like normal then I don't see why you actually need to know

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I agree with both of you

OP posts:

ExtraJalapenos · 30/01/2023 09:56

Normally I'd say LTB.
But actually I can see his point. Pretty sure if he didn't get full sick pay he would have been more forthcoming. I think him not wanting to pile more on is something everyone feels at some point when they have their own burden but are watching their partner deteriorate in other ways in front of them.
You know him more than we do.
I think yes, he needs to understand the importance of you wanting to know if he's feeling like this and that you can work through it together.

Good luck

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 30/01/2023 09:58

My DSs knew from around 6 years old that lying by omission was as bad as lying in my eyes. It's not a difficult concept to understand.

And not telling you because he was 'protecting' you? I've had a few people tell me that they weren't telling family upsetting news (usually medical, funnily enough) and my answer to them is "you are setting that tone for your relationship. If you do this then you need to be okay when they hide things from you so as not to 'upset' you." The look of dawning comprehension on their faces is quite funny.

monsteramunch · 30/01/2023 10:05

I wanted to wish you the best health wise OP, it sounds like a scary time and I hope it's sorted soon

Original poster

K83atie83 · 30/01/2023 13:15

ExtraJalapenos · 30/01/2023 09:56

Normally I'd say LTB.
But actually I can see his point. Pretty sure if he didn't get full sick pay he would have been more forthcoming. I think him not wanting to pile more on is something everyone feels at some point when they have their own burden but are watching their partner deteriorate in other ways in front of them.
You know him more than we do.
I think yes, he needs to understand the importance of you wanting to know if he's feeling like this and that you can work through it together.

Good luck

Thank you for this xx

OP posts:

Original poster

K83atie83 · 30/01/2023 13:17

monsteramunch · 30/01/2023 10:05

I wanted to wish you the best health wise OP, it sounds like a scary time and I hope it's sorted soon

It is, thank you so much xxx

OP posts:

Emmamoo89 · 30/01/2023 13:18

Yanbu x

plumduck · 30/01/2023 13:19

You're not really in a relationship if he's keeping stuff like that from you. Why didn't he tell you? What a knob.