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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You cannot make memories

67 replies

FelicityFlops · 29/01/2023 21:42

Just that. The human brain remembers and recalls things that cannot be programmed into it.
Why don't people understand this?
Yes, you can have or give people wonderful experiences, but you cannot dictate that these will become "memories".

OP posts:
CanofCant · 29/01/2023 22:27

It's just a sickening, twee phrase isn't it? It doesn't mean anything.

It's just nonsense. Let it wash over you. That's a pretty cringe worthy phrase too tbh!

Caterguin · 29/01/2023 22:52

I think memories can be quite arbitrary.

I had a pretty boring childhood. I can distinctly remember a summer afternoon with a fairy liquid watertifght. Equally, I remember the Sunday afternoon I read Alice through the looking glass. It was rainy and grey and I can remember the feel of the beige velvet sofa.

Dc2 can't remember the amazing weekend we did at Legoland. Good job I wasn't trying to make memories there, cos I'd have failed. They do, however, remember the night I couldn't pick them up from cm, because my car had broken down. That gets trotted out regularly.

Notsureaboutusername · 29/01/2023 22:55

The memories I remember (of my parents or children)
were not engineered or made deliberately. They just happened.

Rosei · 29/01/2023 23:14

It's not that deep 🤣

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 29/01/2023 23:15

Are you a robot?

Sparklingbrook · 29/01/2023 23:16

Making memories is just living life.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 29/01/2023 23:19

“Making memories” = taking photos and posting them on social media.

My children are secondary school age now and the early years are one big blur.

Sparklingbrook · 29/01/2023 23:25

My brother admitted that he doesn't rememember any of the British seaside holidays we went on as a child. He knows we did go but doesn't recall anything about any of them.
I had to reassure my parents that I remembered most of them and things that happened on them and they were very nice holidays. Grin

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/01/2023 23:32

I said YANBU because it is an annoying phrase. Have never been annoyed with it for this specific reason though

JudgeRudy · 29/01/2023 23:34

Seeing the name Sam Smith in your title was enough. Add in Graham Norton and thatvpic and my senses are shrivlling. I don't have a TV so I didn't know what SS looked like till recently. I accept that this response is totally on me but I actually find him repulsive. Not his looks, yes, he's a bit overweight but pretty standard looking. He just looks 'deviant', not in a naughty way but disgusting way. Not sure why. Madonna and GaGa don't have this effect on me. I don't actually need to see the clip but I'm not surprised at all. Ick to the top. Definitely something unholy

JudgeRudy · 29/01/2023 23:35

JudgeRudy · 29/01/2023 23:34

Seeing the name Sam Smith in your title was enough. Add in Graham Norton and thatvpic and my senses are shrivlling. I don't have a TV so I didn't know what SS looked like till recently. I accept that this response is totally on me but I actually find him repulsive. Not his looks, yes, he's a bit overweight but pretty standard looking. He just looks 'deviant', not in a naughty way but disgusting way. Not sure why. Madonna and GaGa don't have this effect on me. I don't actually need to see the clip but I'm not surprised at all. Ick to the top. Definitely something unholy

Oops, wrong thread!

Deathbyfluffy · 29/01/2023 23:36

You are probably a little unreasonable if this is the biggest thing on your mind of a Sunday evening! 😆

WinterFoxes · 29/01/2023 23:42

The phrase means - do lovely things so that your children (or you) have the opportunity to have happy memories - of childhood, of Christmas or easter rituals, of family holidays etc. Make the effort to do things they love, to create loving rituals.

I know lots of people sneer at the phrase but I like it. When DC were young I had long term depression and I made a huge effort to hide it from them and do things they'd love and remember with happiness.

CountZacular · 29/01/2023 23:58

OP, you can’t have your cake and eat it, but you need to have your cake to be able to eat it in the first place.

Sugarfree23 · 30/01/2023 00:06

Your more likely to remember actually doing stuff, visiting places, seeing things things when you were really happy than remember the mundane sitting watching telly.

mathanxiety · 30/01/2023 00:11

I remember lots of telly from my youth, funny enough.

Sparklingbrook · 30/01/2023 00:15

Some of my best memories are from sitting watching telly with my Dad. He would often cry with laughter at comedy shows.
Loads of accidental memorable things can happen without even leaving the house.

Downunderduchess · 30/01/2023 02:23

Of course you can, how do you think people learn? It’s a memory. The only way I can remember my times tables. You “make” a memory of it.

KimberleyClark · 30/01/2023 02:35

Reminds me of the Kodak film ad “Keep it with Kodak”. Which gave rise to the phrase “Kodak moment”.

GeoffGiraffe · 30/01/2023 06:58

"Memory making" is what bereavement midwives do with you after your baby has died. Taking photos, handprints, footprints, bathing and reading to them and documenting it to look back on.

It doesn't evoke a warm, pleasant feeling for me as a phrase.

Thatsnotmybee · 30/01/2023 07:11

I don't understand why doing things with your children is a bad thing?

Also who says that the memories have to be the children's memories? Are adults not allowed memories?

Charles11 · 30/01/2023 07:16

I think it's more of a prompt to go out and do something interesting with your dc.
Not a bad thing at all.

Mummieslncorporated · 30/01/2023 07:34

Thatsnotmybee · 30/01/2023 07:11

I don't understand why doing things with your children is a bad thing?

Also who says that the memories have to be the children's memories? Are adults not allowed memories?

Who said that doing things with your children is a bad thing? 🤣

I really don't think that's what this post is about. It's more a comment on the twee #makingmemories stuff popping up all over social media. One person I know was #makingmemories by going to a place at Christmas that she goes to every year with the same people. I'm not sure that she'll be able to remember this year distinct from every other year tbh...

Ifailed · 30/01/2023 07:36

'Sunrise'. The sun doesn't rise. It doesn't really move at all really.

The sun, and the entire solar system, are rotating around the milky way at over 800,000 km/h. The Milky way is also moving at around 2,160,000 km/h relative to the local galactic cluster towards the Great Attractor.

LolaSmiles · 30/01/2023 07:41

It's nice to do things with the children and the likelihood is some of that will be remembered.

I don't like the twee phrase though. It's not a phrase anyone I know uses in conversation but comes up a lot on social media. When I see #makingmemories it makes me wonder if you don't share it on social media did you really make a memory?