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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel strange about my friend's break up news?

54 replies

Celia24 · 29/01/2023 19:10

I've been best friends with a guy for many years & we've almost always been in serious relationships since we met. About 5 years ago I confessed feelings to him, which was the wrong thing to do, as he was in a relationship at the time. I was in my early 20s, emotionally immature and going through the death of a family member. Eventually I got over it and the friendship recovered.

After my relationship ended I became single again & over the last year I've seen a lot more of my friend. We've gone on hikes, a few dinners etc, all platonic and above board.

Earlier we were chatting when he asked if i wanted to take a short trip somewhere with him in a few months which I said I'd think about. Later he sent a text simply saying 'I wanted to tell you that I've left girlfriend'. For some reason I feel strange all of a sudden because this would be the first time we've been single at the same time if we do go on a trip. Am I being silly here?

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 30/01/2023 07:35

I'd be careful.

If he told his girlfriend he was going on this hobby trip with you, it's possible that is what kick-started the break-up. She says "WTF", he says "don't tell me who I can be friends with" etc.

These kinds of arguments blow over.

I think a "sorry to hear that, break ups are hard" response is all I'd give now.

Parisj · 30/01/2023 07:57

Enjoy the trip as friends, let him get through the break up.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 30/01/2023 08:12

It seems like the feelings you had have shifted and you're back to feeling platonic about him rather than romantic. You're not on the same page emotionally at the moment so best to be up front with him and let him know you don't want a romantic relationship with him but are invested in the friendship.
Good luck.

Celia24 · 30/01/2023 09:44

@pristinesurfacesGBTD Having slept on it, I think this is about right for now. It is one of my strongest friendships and I cherish it a lot. I'll aim to go on the trip as usual and see what happens.

It's also true that circumstances are now different in that we've never spent time together while single. It's a 'not sure, I'll take it as it comes' right now.

I'll be there for him as a friend as he has been for me many times. Really appreciate all the good advice.

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