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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if it’s crazy to be single all your life?

62 replies

CantAskAnyoneElse · 29/01/2023 15:27

Just been thinking about this for the past few days…

Obviously I’ve been aware about my singleness, but it’s just hit me that I don’t know anyone like me and that I probably will never know what it’s like to be chosen and loved by someone, what it feels like to build a life with another person.
And just feel more ’normal’, bu this I mean I at least feel like there is still stigma being a single woman.

OP posts:

VickyEadieofThigh · 29/01/2023 15:30

My longest-standing schoolfriend and her older sister are both single and neither has had a partner longer a couple of years (and not in the last 20 years). Friend is 64, sister is 7 years older.

PurelyOrnamental · 29/01/2023 15:34

I wouldn't say it's crazy but definitely unusual to be single for an entire lifetime.
How old are you OP? Just be aware that your mindset could be pushing potential partners away (if you want one). If you feel like it won't happen you may be missing signals as you have already decided it isn't for you.
Hope my ramblings make sense!

Whatthejackdawsaw · 29/01/2023 15:36

I know someone in a similar situation, I don't think it's a crazy choice, she knows what makes her happy and always seems like a very strong, independent person.

JustDanceAddict · 29/01/2023 15:36

I have a couple of friends who haven’t been in a relationship for either a long time or just had one v short one. We are in our 50s.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/01/2023 15:37

I love being single. Have been married though, so I have something to compare it to!

rihanna4 · 29/01/2023 15:38

OP, have you had any relationships/dating at all? If you don't mind the question

ReneBumsWombats · 29/01/2023 15:38

Not crazy or wrong, but it is unusual never to have any relationship at all.

How old are you?

Ladybug14 · 29/01/2023 15:39

Are you saying you have never been in a relationship/dated?

Or that you've never married?

Or both?

helpfulperson · 29/01/2023 15:39

I belong to literary fan club and almost all of use are long term singletons in between 30 and 80. There are lots of us about.

Want2beme · 29/01/2023 15:40

I suppose there's a curiosity as to why someone is single, but that's about it. I would never ask someone why; none of my business. I wouldn't say there's a stigma attached to it these days, not from most people.

Rebel2023 · 29/01/2023 15:46

I'm single. Longest relationship less than a year and I'm 38

holierthanthou73 · 29/01/2023 15:50

Have had and currently in a LTR, however never been married nor lived with anyone (yet). Nearly 50 and people often tell me it’s odd. No one’s business but your own.

nocoolnamesleft · 29/01/2023 15:51

I'm resolutely single.

DulcetTones · 29/01/2023 15:54

These days (as opposed to times/places where a single woman would have severe difficulty in navigating life), it's crazier to get into a relationship with someone you don't really love or at least like a lot simply to avoid being single. Staying single seems preferable to ending up in an abusive relationship.

I wouldn't think someone was crazy for being single all their life, male or female. I would assume they either weren't interested in being in a relationship or hadn't been lucky enough to find the right person.

DulcetTones · 29/01/2023 15:55

That should say that it's "also" preferable to ending up in an abusive relationship...

Bubblesdublin · 29/01/2023 16:00

Being single rocks. Have you seen the men out there.

AnotherSpare · 29/01/2023 16:14

I'm in my 40s. I had a one-year relationship at university but have been single ever since. I have been on dates, but nothing ever led to a relationship. It's not what I wanted my life to be like but I do accept and embrace the single life. I don't really care what others think, this is my normal.

JudgeRudy · 29/01/2023 16:24

It's certainly unusual but I definitely think in the future it will be less so and seen as a equally valid life choice like not having children.
Some people are single because they prefer it that way. Others most definitely aren't and would love to be part of a couple....then there's those in between which I believe are the majority. They're OK with being single, they'd be a bit sad if they thought it was forever but they're happy enough. They're like thisvususlly because they're not prepared to 'settle'. I don't look at being single as having noone 'choose' you. I'd say it's more you haven't sought or chosen.
For many women they equate couple with family. Again I think we'll see many more single parents (men too) in the future, not necessarily through accident or relationship breakdown.
Are you really concerned about others opinions or are you sinply unhappy with your status?

HagridTheGiant · 29/01/2023 16:27

Better alone than with some of the partners posted about on here!
I don't think it's weird, it's slightly unusual, but not out of the ordinary or anything strange.

Jifmicroliquid · 29/01/2023 16:31

I’m happily single with no intentions of having another partner. I’ve had a few relationships and it’s really not for me. I’m definitely unusual but I’m happy in my own world and I have lots of friends and things to keep me busy.

Noicant · 29/01/2023 16:32

A few of my friends have been single a bloody long time or never dated. All bloody lovely, if you are happy with your life I wouldn’t spare it a thought. I think I would have thought it unusual a few decades ago but now not at all. I wouldn’t think anything of it if someone told me they had always been single or have been single for a long time.

Tbh these days it sounds like you have to dig through loads of shit to find a diamond and even then sometimes they turn out to be a cubic zirconia. I don’t blame any woman for bowing out of it all together.

Rebel2023 · 29/01/2023 16:34

I basically just can't face it
Met someone last year, lovely. Spent months with him, he met my family, all going great
Turns out he forgot to mention his girlfriend of a decade

I was so cautious, hadn't dated for ages, took it slow, did everything you're supposed to, he stayed over etc and I didn't have a clue. Now I'm just "can I be arsed again? No"

KangarooKenny · 29/01/2023 16:36

I think it will be ‘normal’ to be single soon. I wouldn’t get legally attached to someone again.

Hbh17 · 29/01/2023 16:37

Of course it's not crazy. You can and will have a fabulous life, and enjoy being strong and independent. Don't just "follow the herd" in a bid to conform - now that would be crazy!

stealthninjamum · 29/01/2023 16:39

Op I’m in my 50s and I have friends who have never had relationships. I don’t think it’s that unusual. A couple of them didn’t go to university/ college and have worked in jobs with women and the others just weren’t that confident. If I met you I wouldn’t judge you for being single.

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