To think that I caused DD’s seizure?

[WorriedSickMother]

I will start off by prefacing that we are in canada for context.

A few days ago my entire family came down with covid. DH and I got the symptoms first so we were keeping a close eye on our 18 month old DD checking her temperature and watching for symptoms. So far she only had a runny nose.

Well a couple of days after husband and I felt the first symptoms we had just given DD lunch which is usually followed by her daily nap. We took her temperature which was 37.7 and then we put her to bed in our bed with me. She was not wearing a shirt because she was pulling at it so we took it off so she would be comfortable. We kept her in pants because she takes her diaper off if she’s not wearing pants.

She was particularly fussy so we decided we would let her nap as long as she needed since she obviously was not feeling well.

Well I was running a high fever of 39 at the time so I took a tylenol. After that an hour and a half into the nap I was so cold that I losing the feeling in my feet. It was -20 outside that night. It was very cold even with the furnace going! DD had no covers so I covered her up because who wouldn’t assume that if an adult is cold enough to lose the feeling in their toes that surely a one year old must be cold as well? Shortly after she had a seizure and it was the scariest moment of my life.

We called 911. She went to the hospital. Family was informed. She is okay now and she is at home still recovering from covid.

The paramedics said they suspected that it was a febrile seizure which is caused by a sudden fever spike as when they checked her temperate it has gone up to 38.5.

When I was speaking to DM I told her how everything happened while we were in the waiting room and mentioned the blankets situation. DM was very supportive and told me it was not my fault and these things just happen.

After the phone call DD was seen by paediatrics and the doctor was very kind and reassured us that these seizures were not our fault and they are nearly impossible to prevent. They said they almost never cause long term damage and that it’s rare for them to happen again.

My sister is an ER nurse in the united states and she called me today and without asking for any context she went off on me telling me that I should not have bundled DD up when she was sick. Going on and on about all the stupid parents who overheat their sick children by wrapping them in thick blankets and get them hospitalized and then people like her have to take care of them. I tried to explain myself but she said I couldn’t have known how warm it was because I was running a fever and most not have properly felt the room temperature. She then stopped and continued “I’m not saying it’s your fault but, don’t wrap her up like that again. Open the window, turn the heater down, let her sleep in her diaper. Then things like this won’t happen.”

I was so stunned I just went along with it because I was still reeling from what happened earlier.

I don’t know what to think anymore. The doctor said these seizures can’t be prevented but then my sister who is a nurse says that I must have caused them. Which is true?

I feel sick with guilt that I might have caused it… I just didn’t want her to be cold… She’s such a skinny little thing I always worry about her getting cold… but maybe my sister is right? Maybe I couldn’t tell properly because of my fever?

Did I cause my little girl to be hospitalized? 😔

You need to put this to bed.

A Doctor has told you you didn't cause it, it doesn't matter what your sister or internet strangers might think.

Hope you're all on the mend now OP. It's a very scary thing to witness.

The doctor is way more qualified and experienced that your sister. It wasn't your fault. Febrile convulsions are pretty common, though can appreciate they're worrying.

Your sister is talking rubbish. Ignore her and take notice of the Dr.

Well your sister sounds a peach.

I would've thought that body temperature builds up internally due to the body's natural reaction to fighting off illness, rather than being caused by external factors to any significant degree.

But you'll never be 100% certain what caused it. I find having kids = guilt at every turn, you just have to do your best and let it go.

Please don't feel guilty about this, OP. Doctors who actually saw you and your child said you have nothing to blame yourself for.

Even if there would be truth to your sister's words, you did what you thought was the right thing at the time. I don't think your sister was very sensitive towards you, but perhaps she was also upset by the news.

Please just focus on your little girl and getting better yourselves.

You didn’t cause the seizure. You kept her warm when it was -20 outside.

i think everyone has the instinct to make sure people are warm and cozy.

next time just leave her be unless she complains about being cold.

Hope you all feel better soon 😊

It was very cold so you put something - a blanket or similar - on your DD. Not a sleeping bag, a cashmere sweater and a snowsuit. I really doubt that adding some light covering when the ambient temperature was low caused the seizure, it would be your DD's system cranking up her internal temp to cook the virus she has. It's not rare for this to happen, especially in young infants.

It's very frightening when your child is very unwell, your sister has been very unkind to you. If she feels inclined to judge well-meaning parents of unwell children for turning up to hospital to get them the care of professionals, maybe nursing is not the job for her..?

Hope you all get better soon

Open up the window and strip her down to a nappy when it's -20 outside?

Well that sounds like a recipe for hypothermia to me!

My brother and myself had febrile convulsions until we were 4 then they stopped. No seizures since. It happened every time we had a high temperature.

I would channel your worries into making sure you know what to do and seeing if there’s anyway you can have some rescue medication - I doubt they let you in the U.K. but it might be different in other countries.

If you are really worried, you could ask to have a private EEG where they can see about epilepsy.

The doctor knows more than your sister.

My grown up daughter had a febrile convulsion /seizure at 9 months old when she was unwell, quick temperature hike, took us completely by surprise and very shocking.
We were vigilant when she was about 13 months old and had a temperature - calpol, heating off, just in nappy, fan on etc. She had another seizure. It was just how her body responded . Went to hospital both times. She never had another one and is 25 now. It’s a shocking thing to see when it’s your child so please don’t blame yourself also and very unfair of your sister.

If it makes you feel any better my DD had a febrile seizure and I blamed myself. She wasn’t ill and had a lovely day at the seaside that day. She then had a seizure in the back of the car on the way home. I felt so guilty even though we had done all the sensible things…she was well hydrated during the day, lots of shade etc but I felt so guilty. The consultant said a febrile seizure often is caused by the first spike of temperature and therefore lots of parents don’t know their child is ill before the spike. He said nothing externally would have stopped this xx

The latest thinking (I believe) is that febrile convulsions are caused by how fast a child's temperature rises, not by how high it is; there is really nothing you can do about that at all (NICE specifically advise NOT giving antipyretics with the sole intention of preventing seizures); and they are scary but harmless.

Your sister seems to be a bit behind in her knowledge.

No it wasn’t your fault. Now that you know your dd has had a febrile seizure, you can follow the general advice to strip off your dd and use sponge baths if her temperature spikes again. As others have said, these are relatively common and you can’t systematically prevent them. All you can do is try to stave one off.

My teen dd has another type of seizures. One, where her heart stops beating. Hers are physiological but she can trigger a seizure herself due to certain anxieties. She had one when I took her to see the doctor to discuss her medical condition and to find a possible solution for something. Did she blame me? No. It was just unfortunate and she knows I was doing it for her.

She can really hurt herself but was seated next to me. Luckily I held her long enough for the doctor to get her on the floor, where she remained for an hour before she could move again. Poor love.

Do NOT use sponge baths as they actually heighten the chance of seizure because cooling the skin rapidly means the child can shiver and their core temp will leap up in response. The body thinks it's cold and responds quickly. Gentle measures like keeping them in loose clothing with air circulating (fan in the room rather than trained on them for example), a sheet rather than a duvet and plenty to drink will help.

It's not your fault. Keeping a child deliberately cold will not help and most febrile seizures happen regardless as the body heats rapidly when ill.

Your sister is wrong. The doctor is right - febrile convulsions can not be predicted or prevented. They occur in a percentage of children, and most children only have them once.

They occur when a child's temperature is rising rapidly - the body has responded to viral/bacteria and has 'turned up the thermostat' - the hypothalamus in the brain. This means the skin temperature is cooler (think radiators) than the 'thermostat' temperature.

The body therefore feels cold - most adults will wrap themselves up warm and huddle under covers, thus enabling the skin temperature to rise to meet the hypothalamus temperature. If you tried to take off their covers, they would shiver and feel really uncomfortable. Sometimes adults shake uncontrollably as this happens - a rigor

Children will also do this, but under 7yrs have an immature temperature control mechanism, which means the temperature can be more reactive and set higher at the hypothalamus. This overreaction can sometimes lead to the body convulsing as the temperature rises.

Hope this explains a bit. Some good info here although UK based www.nhs.uk/conditions/febrile-seizures/

Oh I didn’t know the advice had changed on this?

As a nurse and a mother you have done NOTHING wrong!
Your sister is being a tool!
Some children are more prone to febrile convulsions, my niece is one of those. Her last one was sitting in the car chatting away and then all of a sudden her temperature peaked and she had one.
No prior warning.
The advice these days are to not strip a child when they are unwell and leave them in appropriate clothing as when you strip them off to cool them down it makes the fever increase.
You used common sense, she couldn't tolerate her clothes and it was cold outside so you covered her over.
Febrile convulsions are scary to watch.
Tell your sister to stick her uninformed advice where the sun doesn't shine.

I don't think it has. Certainly, sponge and cool baths haven't been recommended since DD was a baby (she's in y11) but I don't know what the advice was before then!

Stripping down for a fever is outdated advice but it is so ingrained that you will still get told to drop it by doctors and nurses even though it contradicts medical advice websites such as NHS.
This was not your fault

My son had them a few times.

They are nobody's fault. They can't be predicted and it's about their body being immature to deal with temperature fluctuation.

Like a pp, my son was in the back of the car while my ex was driving when he suddenly had one. His sister who was sat next to him alerted ex and he rushed to A&E who checked him over.

i remember how scared I was when it was my turn to deal with it. He was watching tv then suddenly had one. Every time I see Steve Backshall on tv I am reminded of that moment as he was on the tv when it happened.

You know when you put it that way it does seem like pretty terrible advice. 😂

My sister lives in the south and I think she sometimes forgets how cold it is here in the north!

@MoserRothOrangeandAlmond thank you. Your comment means a great deal to me. It was hard to get that out of my head for a bit. My sister is a bit weird sometimes. Normally she’s quite supportive but if she’s in the wrong mood she can gain quite a mean streak!

I guess I just hold her medical opinions to such high esteem but I’m starting to realize now that she isn’t necessarily the beacon of knowledge that I thought she was. 🥲🥴

Ignore your sister op. While febrile seizures are thought to be caused by a sudden spike you don't cause them by putting a blanket on your child. The virus caused her temperature to spike, in fact it would likely have spiked even faster if you hadn't put a blanket on her because her body would have tried to heat itself up faster. The other day my daughter was ill and she got rigors which is the shaking when your body is trying to spike a temperature. The temperature was normal in the room but her body wanted to get hot to fight the infection. Hope your little one is OK now!

No-one on here can answer that. They don’t have access to her full medical history and weren’t there in the hospital. I hope she’s feeling better now.

Even if it was because of you, which it wasn't, any reasonable person would try to pacify you, not persecute. So, my question would not be 'was she right' but 'why is my sister being nasty'?

You are definitely not to blame for your DD febrile convulsion, you know this deep down, but why is your sister keen to place blame?

Well there is a whole complicated family history here that would require its own thread to explain in detail. But long story short I used to sort of be the family scape goat and I may have gotten used to being in that position. while DS in the past was the golden child which she is self aware of and she knows it hasn’t done her any favours. She has grown a lot as a person but I suppose we all still have a long way to go.