Why is counselling so frequently adivsed on mn?

[stripedsox]

I've not come across this with people I know, in rl. I'm curious it seems to be the go to advice on here.
I understand when when someone has gone through trauma, mental health [I'm bi polar], abuse you get the picture but it seems to be for so many things now.

Good for you, I'm very happy you were able to do that. Some people can't.

Because some people simply don't believe that others can manage life without every little upset breaking them.
Most people can get through a relationship breaking up with a tub of ice cream and a few good nights out with friends for example, others need therapy.
Some of us are more resilient to the ups and downs of life but for those of us that are not they see therapy as the only way to get over any uncomfortable feelings they have.

"£200 a month minimum really isn’t giving up a Starbucks habit once a week."

You don't have to go every week if your problems aren't urgent.
I paid £40 every other week, but that was a few years ago.
I spent more than that out with friends last night and got no opportunity to speak about personal problems.

"Good for you, I'm very happy you were able to do that. Some people can't."

Yes, like some people can't buy a moisturiser that costs more than 10 pounds or go to a spa, but these things are still recommended on MN.
I will point out if I think something is stupidly expensive (like some of the clothes suggested on S&B), but I don't think counselling is compared to other things recommended here.

It is probably mentioned because the person posting is coming to a forum of anonymous strangers for help so it implies they don't have RL support in family or friends to talk things through with, or those family and friends are actually toxic and are more hindrance than help. The poster realises they can't really help because it is a one sided story without enough context. Counselling can be an alternative to having someone in RL to actually listen to your worries and works for some.

Me, I am thankful I can just bore family and friends to death, they listen then tell me life can sometimes be very shit or "unfair" and have wine 🍷 just get on with it like the rest of us!

I think a lot of people have really poor coping skills and poor emotional skills/intelligence. Counselling is a way of addressing those things, which is why it's helpful even for something seemingly minor like (as a PP said) a friend break-up. Go and learn how to regulate yourself emotionally and how to rationalise your thoughts and you'll be better for it.

I have friends with kids who are being taught emotional regulation and communication skills at nursery or in primary school. How to identify how they feel and express it, how to set boundaries with people, how to pull themselves out of it when they're unhappy over something relatively small. A lot of people my age and older weren't taught that in school (or by our parents in a lot of cases!) and therefore I think a fair chunk of people would actually benefit from counselling in some cases.

In fact, a lot of the time suggesting 'counselling' for the really big things is what's off for me - because a lot of basic, first-timer counselling is CBT. Which is not especially useful in a lot of trauma-related situations.

I see counselling as similar to having physio, except it is for your mind and not your body.

Also, not everyone has mates they can offload to over a bottle of wine. Or their issues might be too much to burden a friend with.

It is also not suitable for everyone anyway. I was referred to the counsellor at my GP, and was promptly moved to CMHT as I was too complex for him to deal with (is a shame, as he was really lovely).

"Also, not everyone has mates they can offload to over a bottle of wine. Or their issues might be too much to burden a friend with."

Exactly. Also, friends have their own interests that can affect the advice they give and also have their own things to talk about. You can't just talk at them for an hour like you can with a therapist.

But that still doesn't mean it's accessible or a viable option.

It has become "cancel the cheque". Any issue someone faces and you'll find a reference to counselling on here as if it's something freely available

"But that still doesn't mean it's accessible or a viable option."

Private counselling may not be affordable if you're very poor, but for most people it is affordable. I think I was earning 16k when I was paying £40 a session every other week. It changed my life and was way worth it.

I can’t say I’ve noticed people suggesting counselling for everything on here tbh!

People are usually posting about something significant enough to motivate them to ask for advice from strangers on the internet. So lots of MN posts are from people who could probably benefit from people.

as PP’s have said, even the trivial things are actually about wider, underlying problems in a relationship.

it can be really beneficial too 🤷‍♀️

It is the same as getting physio or going to an osteopath or something like that. It isn’t just for people with massive problems, it good for the smaller stuff.

I think because sometimes people come on MN and start a thread about something they haven't yet come to understand or accept. And they won't get what they need from a thread in a forum. They need to work it through.

And sometimes because people want to help but they can't and it gives them something 'helpful' to say.

Seems fairly sensible for certain issues. Someone who's asking for help on a discussion board is by definition likely to be looking to talk through the issue, and the professional answer to that is counselling/therapy.

I think there might be some generational resistance to the idea, however. Amongst people my age (millennials I suppose) it seems not uncommon to have had some form of talking therapy at some point, but when it was suggested for me when I was younger my parents saw it as a failing on their part/a criticism of them. So it would have to take something quite significant for them to seek it out versus someone my age.

Because the seriously bizarre and self-damaging behaviour some posters tell us about is not going to be helped by “LTB” or “Tell her to fuck off”.

I don't think things need to reach crisis for someone to give counselling a try, for me it's an important option people have to preserve their mental wellbeing as well as to improve it. I recommend counselling to my friends irl if they're struggling with something and I've used it myself and found it beneficial. I think it's about trying to give people options so they can pick what they think would work for them because we're all strangers in an online forum - I can't know the full context of a posters situation so to me it's good to know that they've been given a variety of options of support. I think everyone should do counselling though just as normally as going to the gp for sickness or a run for physical wellbeing.

I’ve never seen counselling suggested for minor things, only for bigger things, long standing issues, repeated negative patterns of behaviour, trying to help someone see abuse etc. And people are right to suggest it in those situations.

This just seems like yet another minimise mental health issues and call everyone a snowflake threads.

"I think everyone should do counselling though just as normally as going to the gp for sickness or a run for physical wellbeing."

If we had a functioning health system, we'd be able to go to the GP for checkup and advice even when healthy

I can chat to friends and family about my abusive ex and the ongoing issues he causes. And they offer sympathy and support.

But it is the time spent with a skilled and experienced counsellor that has really helped me develop the tools to deal with him and to understand why he is able to exert such control over me even now. And even better her couples sessions on how to deal with my ex have helped DH and I deal with it so much better as a team.

Talking therapy can be incredibly helpful. I've done it several times in my life including very recently.
I had a pretty difficult time in my teens which has impacted my life in various ways. Most recently as my daughters approached the age I was when things got crazy, life became very difficult. All I wanted to do was leave. Counselling really helped me get through this & implement strategies for flare ups.

It was £35 a weekly session which luckily I could afford.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Healthy happy people who don't have anything bad going on in their lives generally don't post online looking for help. So posts on Mumsnet are 90% posted by people who probably could benefit from therapy. It's not a representative sample of the population so won't reflect what you see in real life as much.

Obviously the light-hearted threads and the ones looking for general advice don't apply here but the advice for therapy generally isn't posted on those ones.

Same reason why all the relationships on that board look crappy or abusive - people don't post just to say "everything is fine and we never fight".