Why is counselling so frequently adivsed on mn?

[stripedsox]

I've not come across this with people I know, in rl. I'm curious it seems to be the go to advice on here.
I understand when when someone has gone through trauma, mental health [I'm bi polar], abuse you get the picture but it seems to be for so many things now.

And lots don't. Lots of people don't work for large employers, or work at all.

@Gwenhwyfar it sounds like I’m targeting your post here which isn’t my intention but so much of this happens on MN. People constantly insinuate that poor(er) people are this way because of bad choices they make - they have dinner and drinks with a friend, so they can’t afford counselling. Well, maybe they can’t afford either. Just a thought.

I swear I've seen this exact post on another thread talking about how 'mental health is becoming prevalent these days' or some shit. Not sure if it's from the same poster.

Dejá vu!

And actually any employer who’s running a limited business could in theory offer a counselling service for their staff. It’s a taxable expense I believe.

People don't realise how difficult it is to access counselling if you can't afford to pay privately.
People think it will solve everything.
I sometimes think they say it because its easy to say not easy to action.
I have been on a waiting list since January 2019 for trauma therapy and still waiting. In the meantime my gp keeps fobbing me off refusing to alter medication because I'm under mental health team, mht won't alter meds because I'm only on waiting list. I tried 4 charities who all turned me down as too complex. Accessing the right counselling isn't easy.

Right but just because they can doesn't mean they do or will.

Even some of the employers who do offer this can make it very hard to actually access (especially larger organisations for lower priority staff)

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea you can self refer for counselling and talking therapies free on the NHS

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

I know so shame on them.

Counselling has become a big business. I am not for one second doubting that people go into it with a sincere desire to help people, but that isn’t the only motivation. Like most things, those at the top take in the most.

So it isn’t enough to be a ‘counsellor’ you need ongoing training - which you have to pay for I believe. The more counsellors there are, the more need this training, the more need the qualifications, so money keeps coming in. To justify the courses, there need to be more counsellors, so there need to be more people needing counselling.

As I have said, I think a lot of people - most in fact - are sincere in their desire to help, but I also think that we (as a nation) have been told so often that counselling is the default answer to any sort of upset that we assume it is and that someone struggling therefore ‘needs’ counselling.

It doesn’t always work and it can be a very expensive process discovering that it doesn’t always work. It can also encourage a certain level of victimisation and self indulgence which I don’t always think is healthy. But my main bugbear is the cost.

Yeah I've already mentioned that.

Have you tried it? Because I have three times and funnily enough, each time it was crap.
One time I had a year wait from my initial assessment to begin.

Just because you 'can' access something doesn't mean it's actually a viable option.

@CouldOfIsntRight - you can but the chances of being seen any time soon are unlikely. And it certainly used to be the case that you only got six sessions: that’s worse in some ways than not offering it at all IMO.

Because lots of people have found it helpful?

People who've never tried it can have an opinion, but it is not based on experience.

Ironically, OP may be dramatising how much and to what extent people suggest counselling. Suggesting counselling for not receiving text messages? Right.

I've seen it used (and have done so too) where the OP is having trouble making the right decision; situations where, for example, saying LTB is going too far but continuing in the same situation is not healthy for the OP. So counselling is the next logical step to either sort through what's going on or realise through the help of a professional and third party, that OP does need to make a change - this may or may not involve LTB.

Because it helps and it's healthy.

I get that it’s suggested a lot but posting on MN is nothing like talking to a friend in RL. Often a vulnerable sounding OP will post a situation that they probably would be better chatting through with a friend, but they don’t have someone they can call / text / catch up with a coffee. Total strangers on MN don’t know the full background, can’t be a friend and meet up for a coffee but also don’t want to to be a total cunt and say to a poster something like” why on earth are you posting about that it’s a total non-event stop being so self indulgent and get on with it” so they offer maybe a few words of understanding and suggest the poster seeks counselling. Maybe you think that tough love is the way forward but you can’t know what the impact would have on the recipient, and I have seen some pretty dreadful pile on here on MN to know that plenty of people here are happy to “tell it like it is” I’ve never suggested counselling on here but I understand why other kind people do.

You will usually only get 6 sessions of counselling supported by an employer.

I do roll my eyes when I see "seek some counselling" on every little post, as if it's that easy. It comes from a place of immense privilege. Counselling is out of reach for a huge amount of people, too expensive, no time, enormous waiting lists etc.

And you see it recommended for the most trivial things, saw it on a post where a woman was feeling a bit insecure about her husband's attractive female colleague. "Seek some counselling" as though one can just pop to Aldi and buy a budget box of counselling every time something slightly annoying happens.

"I do roll my eyes when I see "seek some counselling" on every little post, as if it's that easy. It comes from a place of immense privilege."

It's not half as expensive as loads of the things suggested on here.
Can't get an operation? Go private. That would cost thousands.
Don't like your familiy visiting for a week? Tell them to get a hotel and pay hundreds for just one week.
All the suggestions on S&B.

I wouldn't do loads of the things recommended on here because they're too expensive, but I was able to afford, and prioritise, a few sessions of counselling.

Counselling isn’t cheap but you get what you pay for. A qualified counsellor who has worked in the NHS and private practice usually has a 2 year postgraduate masters in counselling, plus a further two year’s accreditation after that. They are worth their weight in gold because they’re good and they don’t retraumatise people. They’ve also had extensive therapy themselves. Additionally they often work quite a lot for free within charities at least part of the week as ethically they know that is the right thing to do. They know that those from disadvantaged backgrounds are often the most in need of their services.

The problem you have is any cowboy can call themselves a counsellor and Joe bloggs usually has no way of knowing for sure how qualified somebody is. OP I don’t think it’s a bad thing people are more willing to talk about things. Be careful not to get into the trap of thinking only labelled diagnostic conditions count. There are plenty of people who will suffer tremendously with their mental health throughout their lifetime but will not receive a diagnosis for too many reasons to state here.

Counselling seems to be a minimum of £50 an hour, and that’s the cheaper end.

@Gwenhwyfar the difference is that if you say ‘I can’t afford private’ people don’t generally reply that this is because you drink too many takeaway coffees (although you always get some difficult posters.)

£200 a month minimum really isn’t giving up a Starbucks habit once a week.

You’re referring to the thread of the son of how is down because he’s been dumped by a girlfriend of 6 years? Depending on how long it’s been since he was dumped it seems like an ok suggestion if he’s having trouble moving on as it’s a situation that is likely to happen a number more times!
counselling is just speaking to someone who may be able to deal with things better. Not everyone has friends/family able to do that, lots of the time people give shit advice or just can’t be bothered. If people don’t want to pay/don’t want to wait for nhs/ don’t fancy counselling then it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be suggested as an option. Never seen it suggested because someone hasn’t text etc ..

What are you suggesting is the alternative. There are very few other options that actually help. Plus, In fact counselling is probably the best suggestion in your first example - 'My friend is ignoring by text, I'm so upset' response '. Then the person is over-reacting, lost perspective. Probably does need counselling to help come to terms with your feelings. They clearly are lacking common sense. Because the rest of us wouldn't be bothered, so they probably do need counselling because they clearly have issues.

I have no problem with it being suggested as an option but I do have a problem if people say no, not for them, or they can’t afford it or don’t have time (or all three) and elicit comments which suggest that they just don’t want to feel better because if they did they’d give up the takeaway / find the time or whatever. And I have seen that on here. Someone says they’ve had counselling and it didn’t work for them and it is rarely - OK, fair enough. It’s always that they weren’t ready or didn’t put the work in or need a different counsellor.

But if the person posting is struggling to deal with an ignored text then maybe counseling is in order as it’s not “normal” to be so upset about something so trivial. So it’s not so much that counseling is being recommended for random trivial things, but that people are struggling to handle common day-to-day trivial situations, which suggests something bigger is going on.

Literally no one thinks this, people like this poster are the ones who ask why 'everyone' has ASD and ADHD.

It's obvious that if you are anxious or sad for a short time as a one off it's normal, when it's been going on for six months or is affecting your life then it's an issue. People on MN like to minimise and belittle all mental health and ND issues - 'oh everyone seems to be ND now so surely if everyone is ND then it's not really an issue and is just the new normal'. It's just abelism.

I have never seen on here anyone suggest counselling for someone who had a mean message from a friend.