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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - baffled by things given to us by in-laws when they downsized!!

56 replies

roughedges · 29/01/2023 13:00

Hi there
Feel a bit baffled by things given to us by in-laws when they downsized.
My lovely in-laws have very recently downsized and needed to get rid of a lot of stuff they have kept over the last 30 years. As two people who are 'definitely not hoarders' (!!), they kept an awful lot of crap.
Some of the items they have given to my husband and I:

  • The cards they were given 45 years ago to congratulate THEM on my husband's birth.
  • All the invoices and receipts for the bills paid for my husband's private school fees.
  • My husband's photos from his first year of life.
I get they don't have room for these anymore - surely the first two items should be chucked. Husband is feeling unloved having been given the third item!! Is this not a bit strange?? Anyone else been gifted some weird items their in-laws can't face chucking so have passed on to you instead?!
OP posts:
WhiteFire · 29/01/2023 13:04

Number 2 is a bit weird, but the items in 1&3 we found when clearing out the in-laws house after they had both passed away. So at some point your DH would have got them most likely.

AgonyAgatha · 29/01/2023 13:04

They think these things are sentimental and important to your dh's life and history so wanted him to have them. Better he has the baby pictures than them go missing for any reason. If he doesn't want the othet stuff then just quietly get rid.

Funny he says he feels unloved when they clearly couldn't part with this stuff earlier because it reminded them of when he was little!

Londoncatshed · 29/01/2023 13:05

The cards and photos are lovely things to pass on and although the receipts may seem strange, your grandchildren or similar may find them interesting. I know that sounds a little strange, but I would love to look back on my grandparents photos, receipts etc.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/01/2023 13:06

I’d like to have those things 🤷‍♀️

MelchiorsMistress · 29/01/2023 13:06

The invoices is a bit weird, school reports would have been fine.

It seems to have been normal in my family that when the older ones start to downsize they pass on baby photos, childhood and family keepsakes etc. Partly because they have moved to have less space than the younger generation and partly because it it’s where those things would go when they die anyway. Maybe your in laws just feel better having it all organised so they know they aren’t leaving too mammoth a job of clearing out their home when they no longer can.

Raindancer411 · 29/01/2023 13:06

AgonyAgatha · 29/01/2023 13:04

They think these things are sentimental and important to your dh's life and history so wanted him to have them. Better he has the baby pictures than them go missing for any reason. If he doesn't want the othet stuff then just quietly get rid.

Funny he says he feels unloved when they clearly couldn't part with this stuff earlier because it reminded them of when he was little!

This... It's his history and they may have thought he would love to have them. If they want to see them they can ask, but it's his history.

Biker47 · 29/01/2023 13:07

I mean, if you'd told me they'd given you their old betamax tape player and 14" black and white CRT television I'd say you're not unreasonable, but cards from your husbands birth and old photo's isn't the most unreasonable things to have been passed over to you.

Original poster
roughedges · 29/01/2023 13:07

Good point @AgonyAgatha @Londoncatshed @WhiteFire I hadn't thought ahead to the fact they would probably become ours eventually anyway! Just very strange reading cards from people we have never heard of - not one form someone we know from in-laws life! Perhaps we just thought the photos might be kept until the very end - I am clearly naive on this front!

OP posts:
DahliaMacNamara · 29/01/2023 13:07

DH's parents did the same kind of thing, just clearing out their own house. No plans to downsize. DH wasn't so chuffed, admittedly, but I found it all fascinating.

Raindancer411 · 29/01/2023 13:07

Plus from a genealogy point, if he wanted to know who someone was in the photo, he can ask before he loses that chance!

BrioNotBiro · 29/01/2023 13:08

What's weird about photos of him as a baby, or even of birth congratulation cards?

Maybe I'm prejudiced, but I've got mine.

Swiftswatch · 29/01/2023 13:08

I mean 1 and 3 aren’t weird at all.

The second one, do they think he might need an office record of his attendance or something? It’s probably not malicious.

sixfoot · 29/01/2023 13:10

have NC as this is outing but MIL gave SIL BILs meniscus. It was removed when he was 14. In a jar.

Original poster
roughedges · 29/01/2023 13:11

What this thread has pointed out to me is that I am clearly not a very sentimental person!

OP posts:
Hardbackwriter · 29/01/2023 13:12

My in-laws have started doing this, too, and my DH wants to keep every last bit of it. I wish they'd been a bit more selective in what they saved, but on the other hand it brings him pleasure so I suppose they were worth keeping, even if I question whether we need every picture he bought home from reception...

I do think the receipts thing is weird, and maybe a bit off, though - it feels a bit 'look how much we spent on you/you owe us'

Original poster
roughedges · 29/01/2023 13:12

@sixfoot oh good grief
I should count myself lucky

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 29/01/2023 13:12

2 is weird but I get them giving the others; we get far more random stuff from in laws than that

PAFMO · 29/01/2023 13:14

Number 2 is a bit odd, but the other two are beautiful memories of his childhood and links to his family.
I suppose as pps have said, number 2 could possibly be in case proof of any kind is needed or a family link to a school for a bursary in future etc.

The only weird thing about being given any of these things is why you think it's weird.

Your husband feeling unloved is bonkers, as handing over to him precious memories of him is a demonstration of the opposite!

Utterly awful that you think these things are crap.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 29/01/2023 13:15

Check they are just receipts op and not an invoice!!

Original poster
roughedges · 29/01/2023 13:20

@Eastereggsboxedupready bahahah - hadn't thought of this possibility!

OP posts:
ProfYaffle · 29/01/2023 13:21

My parents are doing this, I think it's their version of death cleaning rather than downsizing. Some items are a bit eccentric (my Grandad's bank books Confused) but they're basically passing the decision to me as to what I think is sentimental. I've also now got the congratulations cards given to my Mum when I was born, I was a bit nonplussed but my dc are really interested.

Slowingdownagain · 29/01/2023 13:22

I don’t understand whey your husband is upset by the photos? I asked my dad if I could have some photos from my childhood that were otherwise just gathering dust.

thE invoices are weird though. Just bin them.

EllieQ · 29/01/2023 13:26

Yes, these are things that would have come to you eventually. At least you can ask your PIL who the people are who sent the cards and find out a bit more family history. It may seem trivial now, but when your PIL aren’t around anymore, you may wish you’d asked.

It is good that they’re downsizing and clearing stuff now, rather than leaving it all to be done after they have died.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 29/01/2023 13:27

Just get rid of you don’t want them gathering dust

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 29/01/2023 13:28

I'd be happy to get them now rather than being left with random clutter to sort Years later.

1 & 3 is lovely, 2 I'd be wondering if they want reimbursement on the fees! 🙈