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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

friend quit last minute

35 replies

annierodgers1 · 29/01/2023 12:02

Me and my friend had planned a fancy spa day out which we have planned for around 6 weeks now. She then told me the day before her in-laws were visiting which she had only known for that day which is the day before our spa day. I feel very upset over this but I’m also not a confrontational person and do not like standing up for myself so I just told her it’s no stress and we can plan it for another day. But then when I tried cancelling, it was too late and it has cost me £200 to book. I do not know what to do about this as it is a lot of money but I can’t also be mad at her for a last minute plan. AIBU?

OP posts:
Burnamer · 29/01/2023 12:06

You tell your friend that it’s too late to cancel and she owes you x for her booking. Then you go and have your treatments on your own.
you don’t need to be mad at her but if she can’t manage her diary / tell her in laws she already has plans, that isn’t your problem to fix.

Applesandcarrots · 29/01/2023 12:07

Stop being wet blanket.
Tell her they charged last cancellation fees.
And work on actually talking. Not every conversation has to be confrontation (contrary to popular belief here). Just saying "I am obviously not happy with that, can their visit be moved?" Is not confrontation but beginning of a dialogue.

AnotherNameChangeYes · 29/01/2023 12:08

No one likes confrontation. That’s not an excuse, tell your friend that you can’t rebook without cancellations fees.

Applesandcarrots · 29/01/2023 12:08

Sorry reading it again I probably misread that the 200 was cancellation fee. If you cannot cancel, she will pay her share

RealBecca · 29/01/2023 12:12

I'd be livid that she made alternative plans. Who the fuck plans or allows plans to be made for in laws to visit if that effectively cancels something already booked in. Why did she need to cancel, the in laws arent her immediate family to host. Why cant DH do it. I'd be offended that she thought so little of our plans and I'd be really cross.

ThreeLittleDots · 29/01/2023 12:13

I can’t also be mad at her for a last minute plan

Yes you can. She CHOSE to spend the time with her in-laws instead of you.

Ask her or the money back.

ThreeLittleDots · 29/01/2023 12:13

*for

AnotherNameChangeYes · 29/01/2023 12:15

So you’re going to be £200 out of pocket because you can’t say anything to your supposed friend? Seriously?

GoldilockMom · 29/01/2023 12:15

I would ask her for the money she owes as you can’t cancel

then take a friend

Preferfriday · 29/01/2023 12:23

Nobody can be this spineless.

ClassroomRunaway · 29/01/2023 12:24

If you're going to be out £200, you should ask her for £100 back.

Preferfriday · 29/01/2023 12:26

ClassroomRunaway · 29/01/2023 12:24

If you're going to be out £200, you should ask her for £100 back.

No, £200 obviously. Op wasn’t the one who wanted to cancel last minute.

KarmaStar · 29/01/2023 12:35

Tell her she owes you £100.
Or is this a reverse?

Roundabout78 · 29/01/2023 12:38

Yep, no need to “confront “ or be angry, just call her. “Sorry friend, I’ve tried to cancel but the T&Cs day I still need to pay. Your half is £100, heres bank details. Let me know if plans change and you can make it”
done.

Scienceadvisory · 29/01/2023 12:42

Of course you can be angry with her. She's messed you around. This is all on her. As a minimum she needs to pay you for her share but if she's got any decency she would pay for all of it given you are not getting the day you expected even if you do still go.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/01/2023 12:45

Why wouldn't she just have said to the in laws that she had plans that she couldnt move? In the absence of some kind of family crisis like a bereavement she has massively let you down.

What was the arrangement for paying you back and when or was it a gift? Can you get anyone else to go last minute?

Tell her 'I thought I could cancel or move but I can't, its non refundable. What do you want to do, cancel your in laws and come along or pay me the cost of the day. If the latter its £x and here are my bank details'

Inkpotlover · 29/01/2023 12:50

Don't let her leave you out of pocket! Tell her it's too late to cancel so she needs to transfer you her share and then send her your bank details.

SerenaTee · 29/01/2023 12:50

This is the third thread I’ve read today where grown adults can’t communicate with other adults! You don’t have to be angry but you can tell her the implications of her decision to flake out on you.

bluebellmay2020 · 29/01/2023 12:57

Can you call the hotel/spa direct and see if they can reschedule? Some would do this out of goodwill.

If not, she owes you £100.

Greenqueen40 · 29/01/2023 13:00

For God's sake grow a backbone and text her asking for the money!

Clarich007 · 29/01/2023 13:02

Maybe she is lying about her in laws visiting. Perhaps she changed her mind and doesn't want to go.
She needs to pay you the £100 though

Tilllly · 29/01/2023 13:07

Bloody cheek

I'd definitely expect her to pay cancellation charge
And leave it in her court to schedule time with you

getreadyy · 29/01/2023 13:07

"Hi Sarah, I've checked and unfortunately it's too late to cancel the spa booking. Is it possible for John to entertain his parents so we can still go? If not please can you transfer me the £200 cancellation costs. Thanks"

CouldOfIsntRight · 29/01/2023 13:10

I’m assuming the spa day has actually been?

As soon as you knew there was still a charge you should have contacted the friend and asked if she wanted to go or just lose the money. There is no reason her DH couldn’t have just seen his parents on his own being as she had plans.

itsgettingweird · 29/01/2023 13:17

A decent friend doesn't

A) cancel on you last minute and

B) then leave you out of pocket.

Tell her. Ask for money.

Take her response as an indication of whether she's actually a friend or not.