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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a job where I’m abroad 3 weeks at a time?

54 replies

TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 10:39

I have been offered a freelance job that would mean spending 3 weeks in Dubai several times a year. The pay is so high it would mean I only need to work two days a week the rest of the year rather than full time. My husband says go for it, I’m worried about the effect it will have on my two youngest children who are 2 and 6. But not sure if it evens out with the benefits the rest of the year. AIBU to take the job?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 10:44

Also, if you knew me, would you think I was a terrible mother?

OP posts:
Peckhaminn · 29/01/2023 10:46

Hi OP. not at all! Take the job of the money is good! You will only be away a couple of times a year, it will be worth it in the long run and doesn't make you a terrible mother!

Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 10:50

Thanks!

OP posts:
AllIwantforChristmas22 · 29/01/2023 10:51

100% take it. I had a job with travel and if you have a supportive DH it can easily work!

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 29/01/2023 10:51

Can they join you sometimes if your working time there overlaps with school holidays?

Slowingdownagain · 29/01/2023 10:52

You wouldn 't be a terrible mother, no. Lots of men do this. So if you fancy it, do it! And I would mean being around a lot more the rest of the time.

Personally though I don't think, I sometimes travel for work and found I missed the kids a lot when I was away. A working week was my max. But we are all different.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2023 10:53

Absolutely take it. Brilliant that your dh is on board. That's all you need. Kids learn that it's fine for women to do this, which is brilliant. Do it

DeskChair · 29/01/2023 10:53

Take the job, you wouldn’t question it if your were male. It would allow you more time with your children the rest of the year. If you were moving there permanently I would say no for the ethics for 3 weeks is ok

crackofdoom · 29/01/2023 10:56

Other than it being Dubai, if you were to tell me at the school gates you were working abroad for 3 weeks at a time with 2 small kids I would be massively jealous of you!

SomeCommonThing · 29/01/2023 10:56

So many men do this and no one bats an eyelid!
Your husband would fully support it so that's the only opinion that really matters.
You'll miss the kids, and they will miss you, but you'd be able to provide unique experiences, and as a pp said it does suggest school holidays in Dubai if you're working there at the time!!

Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 10:57

They could come out with me during school holidays with my mum or husband I suppose! I’m just struggling with how my 2yo in particular might feel. I can’t explain to him why I’m not there and things like FaceTime might make it even worse for him

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 10:59

@crackofdoom why ‘other than it being Dubai’? I’ve never been so don’t know what to expect

OP posts:
custardbear · 29/01/2023 10:59

Sounds awesome and you'll get to spend lots of time with them if you're only working 2 days a week back home

TheSoapyFrog · 29/01/2023 11:01

It sounds like a wonderful opportunity and your DH is on board too which is great. Others are right to say that nobody would bat an eyelid if it was a man going abroad. It doesn't make you a terrible mother at all, and it will become the norm for the kids. Plus there's the added bonus of them being able to join you sometimes.
I'd take the this offer in a heartbeat.

WinnieFosterReads · 29/01/2023 11:02

I don't agree that men do it and nobody bats an eyelid - maybe if their values are from the 1950s. Myself and my female colleagues absolutely judge male colleagues with young children who bugger off umpteen times per year leaving their wives to carry everything.

This isn't the same for you OP because your DH is supportive and willing to be sole carer for the time you're away.

You've mentioned money and travel. Would the job be fulfilling? I'd have real moral objections to working for most companies in Dubai.

Caterina99 · 29/01/2023 11:03

How often is “several” times a year? And what childcare will you have in place for those weeks?

only working 2 days a week the rest of the year would be the deal breaker for me. I think that would make it worth it, but obviously I’d need solid plans for the time I’d away

I think you’d spend more time with your kids working in that way than if you were full time but never worked away. Although it does depend on how often you have to go away.

20viona · 29/01/2023 11:04

100% take it. Sounds amazing.

Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 11:04

It’s working for British schools, it’s really fulfilling, the same job as I do now.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 11:07

i can choose how many assignments to pick up, I’d probably do 3-4 a year

OP posts:
EyesOnThePies · 29/01/2023 11:08

I think it’s down to how you feel.

Whatever the pros and cons I wouldn’t have been able to do that when my kids were that age. I couldn’t have been separated from them for that long. Although we parented 50/50 hands on my 2 year old was very upset when I went on a two night work trips away.

I am not saying it would be wrong for you to do it, of course it wouldn’t, but how do you feel about it?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 29/01/2023 11:08

You haven't said what you mean by "several times a year?"

Once every few months? Every six months? Every six weeks?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 29/01/2023 11:09

X-post Grin

3-4 times a year is fine if your DH is happy with it. A man wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Original poster
TheEarlofButties · 29/01/2023 11:09

Just like you @EyesOnThePies not sure I can handle it, I trust my dh would do a great job but I will miss them all so much

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 29/01/2023 11:12

why ‘other than it being Dubai’? I’ve never been so don’t know what to expect

You'll need to research this yourself OP:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_rights_in_the_United_Arab_Emirates

Lennybenny · 29/01/2023 11:14

Wow! What an opportunity. Dh is happy. You're not away all the time. Dh and DC can visit...go for it!! You can spend so much time with them when you're home without the stress of having to work. By the time they're older, the routine will be fixed and they'll know about facetime.