To take a job where I’m abroad 3 weeks at a time?

[TheEarlofButties]

I have been offered a freelance job that would mean spending 3 weeks in Dubai several times a year. The pay is so high it would mean I only need to work two days a week the rest of the year rather than full time. My husband says go for it, I’m worried about the effect it will have on my two youngest children who are 2 and 6. But not sure if it evens out with the benefits the rest of the year. AIBU to take the job?

Oh, yes I understand from an ethics point of view.

I work away a lot for work, usually mon-thurs so I don't usually miss weekends but can do.

My kids just know this is how my job works. Both of your kids are young enough that they won't remember a time when things were any different. I just asked my DS12 whether he remembers when it was just me and him and DH (DD is 4.5 years younger than him) and he said no. My kids just know that's how my job works and that is what pays for their things, holidays, our nice house etc. For you it would be what allows you to spend so much time with them when you're not away.

Make your decision for you and for the family unit as a whole.

As an aside a friend of mine is in the army and is away from home for up to 3 months at a time. Mothers having jobs that take them away isn't that unusual.

It is entirely up to you. Can you handle being away for 20% of the year is that worth it. Are you full time now so the gain would be being around a lot more so you would get them more than you would lose and you could bring them out

that and have you properly looked into Dubai and how it would be for those 3 weeks etc. it is a huge move if you haven’t visited and it isn’t for everyone.

and how would expenses work - what is covered for those 3 weeks

Thanks @Cheeseandabsolutelycrackers that’s really helpful

I wouldn't because it wouldn't work for my family but if you think it could then go for it.

12 weeks away vs 40 weeks where you can be there for most of the time. You could probably do more school trips and days out and early pickups than if you had a more regular job?

3 weeks away a few times a year is nothing! Go for it @TheEarlofButties And no, you are not a terrible mother. Anyone who thinks/says that is an asshole. No-one would think anything of a man doing the same as what you're proposing. Your husband is OK with it, and is happy for you to take it. What's stopping you?! 😘

@WinnieFosterReads

I don't agree that men do it and nobody bats an eyelid - maybe if their values are from the 1950s. Myself and my female colleagues absolutely judge male colleagues with young children who bugger off umpteen times per year leaving their wives to carry everything.

Disagree. People frowning and finger-wagging at a man doing it will be the exception rather than the rule. No-one I know would judge a man (with children) for working abroad a few times a year for several weeks. ALSO, the OP is going several times a year for 3 weeks at a time, not 48 weeks of the 52 weeks of the year!!!

Also, re, what a few posters have said, asking can the OP take her children with her sometimes? WTAF? Why would she take them? It's WORK. No-one would expect a MAN to drag his children along on a work assignment. What a bizarre thing to suggest.

I haven’t looked into what it would be like working there yet, my thoughts have all been about the family but maybe I have it backwards, I’d be grateful for any insights. All expenses covered, secure accommodation and a driver.

Not in the slightest.. same way I wouldn't judge a father that did the same!

I would take it. Presumably you can get a higher paying job in the future after gaining the experience from this job. And that future job may not include the travel aspect. This job will benefit your future.

Why? Are men (or woman) who join the forces and spend weeks at a time away labelled bad parents?

Personally I think it's great you have a DH who,is happy to equally parent and encourages you to do this.

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe yeah I think it would be a bit much to just take them while I work but framed as a holiday for them and my dh to break up the time we’re apart would be lovely for me

The trade off of working just 2 days a week when you're home would be very tempting to me.

I think you would only know if it suits you if you give it a go - you can take the job and see if it works, if it doesn't you can leave. It might be easier if, in your head, you see it as a 6 month job rather than a permanent career change.

This sounds great, I'd take it!

In fact I love the idea of it, what is it? Are there other posts going? 😂😂😂

Believe me, no man would ask if this would make them a terrible father to do this 3-4 times a year, especially when it would mean them only working two days a week the rest of the time.

My dh does 3wks home and 3wks away my dd has never been phased by it .. she speaks on FaceTime every night and gives big screen kisses😃 she has a great relationship with dh and fully understands it's work .. we just prime her for when he's coming home and when going away 👍

several times a year.

It depends how often several is.

If it’s every other month or less then it’s fine.

Many dads work away all of the time.

I have always worked FT and my DD had to go to a childminder like many others do and I would only see her for a couple of hours a day.

You taking this job would probably mean you see your DCs more and have more quality time with them than if you worked FT more locally.

I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity and if it means more time with them the rest of year it would be worth the sacrifice to me.

@HeavenIsAHalfpipe BIL is planning to take SIL and DN on a long work trip this year, could actually do another one but they don't want to. He won't be working 24/7 while out there so why not if they can afford it

Also I’ve gone with DH and the kids when he’s been on a work trip. Me and the kids hung out at the hotel and pool and local attractions all day and then we got to see him in the evenings. He then took holiday after.

It meant his flights and one of our hotel rooms was paid for by his employer so we got a cheaper holiday.

Go go go
a good mum is a happy fulfilled mum

great for your husband yes hard work flying solo but great to be in sole charge

brilliant example and work ethic to show your kids

Thanks everyone, I’m going to give it a go 😊

Is it a khda inspector by any chance?

@loverofpants similar, do you have any insight into it?

You seem to have read only parts of my post. I said OP's decision wasn't comparable because her DH was happy to be sole carer.
If you surround yourself with people who don't think men should consider their families when accepting roles with travel - that's your choice.

I've been teaching out here for a decade, so it was the only role I could think of in education where you can drop in and out as such for DSIB inspections. I have looked into it myself recently so don't have any experience in the actual role unfortunately. Lots to do out here with children if yours comes with you- my 2 year old has a fabulous time! Give it a go!