‘You seem very angry’

[Cuppasoupmonster]

I see this a lot on here, like being angry is something only an inherently unreasonable woman would feel (#bekind, guys). AIBU to think it’s silly, sexist and that actually it’s a normal human emotion for both men and women? And rarely relevant as to whether the post is BU or not?

don't remember doing so but if I did I don't assume everyone is female

If you have teens you will get this in real life 🙄. Anything other than speaking in a nicey nicey wet soppy voice is “shouting” and “being so angry at me”. Maddening! Ifthink that is angry I’ll show you proper angry madam!

There's men on here too, and loads of posters very often do seem very angry, over things that most wouldn't even bat an eyelid about.

Yes! Any comment that's not perfectly lovely is me screaming at her. It drives me nuts.

See also ‘doesn’t like you like her very much’ when someone is describing what usually sounds like genuinely irritating/rude/flaky behaviour from a friend or acquaintance.

Ah the teen years We're just coming out the other side, they get a lot more reasonable.

Angry is fine but sometimes people do come across as far too angry for the situation they have described - way over the top. It could just be they haven't described it very well though.

Saying firmly “now where did you put your school shoes they must be here you wore them home” is “shouting angrily” to a 14 year old….

Totally agree.

Another I hate is “you seem quite controlling”. Now, sometimes it’s warranted, but other times I see it almost as a stock response to someone raising an issue about anyone and anything!

It's a coded way of saying, " Your resentment and self-righteousness are blinding you to the fact that you've acted unreasonably"

It's one of the very many (now) clichéd 'put downs' and supposed 'gotchas' on here these days. They seem to have drifted in with the flotsam tide.

'You sound angry'
'You seem jealous'
'So much hate on here' [well off you fuck then if you think that about the site]
'Haters' [ditto]
'I was warned about this place being an echo chamber and here it is' [see fuck off, above]
'Wow, so much hating on people' [as above]

And actually, a lot of the time I am angry, it is justified, and I don't give a crap.

I agree OP: it’s a way of making people feel they have no right to strongly held opinions. I agree also that it’s usually quite misogynistic. It’s fine for men to hold and express strong opinions but a woman who does so is usually accused of being “angry” or “shrill”.

I would rather 'you seem angry' than all the accusations of 'pearl clutching' and 'hysteria' when people have just posted an opinion.

Oh yeah and also “you sound bitter/jealous”. For having any strong or non conventional opinion. This is my absolute bugbear. Lazy, intellectually weak and bullying put down.

It's one of the very many (now) clichéd 'put downs' and supposed 'gotchas' on here these days.

You missed "eh" of the list. Now that makes me angry!!

Oh there’s loads of phrases that are annoying on here

I don’t mind this one as some posters do seem a bit extreme

But others are irritating

I think a lot of people are taught/conditioned growing up that ‘anger is bad’ in a blanket way, and therefore struggle to process it when they experience it as adults. It’s a perfectly normal, healthy feeling but also one that can be viewed as socially unacceptable, and sort of quashed, leading to (sometimes) disproportionate outputs.

I just can’t help but feel the underlying aim is ‘women shouldn’t be angry and when they are it’s because they’re a bit unhinged and therefore likely to be wrong’.

I was just thinking about it in the shower and I’ve never actually heard a similar remark made to a man, it’s like when men are angry it’s to be expected and a normal emotional response and therefore doesn’t need commenting on. The only times I’ve heard anyone describe a man as angry is if he is shouting and physically lashing out rather than posting a mildly pissed off rant on an Internet forum. It’s like their ‘angry’ bar is a lot higher and more acceptable.

I agree that it isn't socially acceptable for a woman to feel angry.

As though women should be calm and serene at all times.

What's so bad about being angry? As long as you're not lashing out or abusing someone why can't you feel angry about things.

I think the ‘wow you sound Angry’ posts on here, usually mean ‘wow I don’t like that you disagreed with me’ and I can’t think of a better response.

I do agree with what you are saying though. As women, we have been taught we shouldn’t be angry or show anger. Calling a woman angry, ime, is usually designed to try and shit a woman up, because it’s embarrassing to be perceived that way.

Men are never labelled angry for disagreeing with someone.

Hate those - Frothing and screaming are my worst too

You seem angry is a mild nudge to some posts in comparison

Sometimes it's a genuine question.

Often it's an attempt to get women to shut up.

I was just thinking about it in the shower and I’ve never actually heard a similar remark made to a man

It could well have been said to a man on here. You wouldn't know. There's actually a few angry men on MN.

Someone posted she was angry at school and going to address the issue. She was given out to on here because she shouldn't be charging to the school to give them hell. She was angry. She's entitled to be angry at whatever she likes. She never said she was planning on screaming and roaring at the school.

Also I’d add bitter.
If you aren’t always oh so happy, ready to celebrate spent money on other’s, you are a horrible bitter person who will die all alone.