To think the "perfect relationship" doesn't exist?

56 replies

M23D · 28/01/2023 21:57

Surley everyone argues? Is it small arguments, big arguments how bad do they get?

Really giving up here tbh been with DP 14 years we have DC1 11, DC2 3 and Currently 8 months pregnant with DC3.

Not had the easiest of relationships but hard work and determination got us through alot. DP works away so I'm at home alone with DC and also working part time (would have been full time but childcare was costing more than I would earn). So I'm pretty much doing everything myself, looking after DC, the house, doing all shopping, making sure bills are paid, kids get to any appointments, clubs etc. Kids don't stay out or go to any family members so it is just us other than school, childcare and work.

When DP returns home 2 days per fortnight its like he just looks for problems, he never comments on how much I've done it's always what I haven't done for example went for a full shop fridge and freezer are full but I forgot to pick up coffee (only he drinks) so I'm lazy and don't care about him because if I did I would make sure there was coffee in.

Just constant arguments and belittling when he's home and it makes me wonder does every relationship have "issues" or is there really such thing as the perfect one.

OP posts:

LiaFriedEgg · 29/01/2023 20:08

You could get your groceries delivered from Tesco etc, then it's easy to put stuff on. My partner visits weekly, I just add his bits to the shop (we don't live together).

forfuckssake23 · 29/01/2023 20:16

AuntyMabelandPippin · 29/01/2023 19:37

My DH used to work away during the week, back home late Friday, away early Monday. When it first happened, we had three DC and I was pregnant with the fourth.

He used to walk in the door and get stuck in. If it was bathtime, he'd take over, if I was making dinner, he'd set the table and help if I needed it. Whatever was needed, he did.

He reckoned from the start, that I had a harder job, as I was on call 24 hours a day, whereas he got unbroken sleep four nights a week. He would get up if needed during the night when he was home so I could rest.

He used to walk in the door, give me a huge hug, then the DC, then ask me what I needed him to do.

That's being a husband. Not being a prat. That's what you should be expecting as normal.

My DP worked away every other week and he does exactly this, from the moment he comes home. Not a change in hell he'd be criticising me for not buying coffee ffs. In fact he'd call me on his drive home and ask "do you need me to get anything from the shop on my way home?"

That's what a partner does. I'm sorry OP but yours sounds like an arse.

forfuckssake23 · 29/01/2023 20:17

Urgh lots of typos but hopefully you get the gist!

cheatingcrackers · 29/01/2023 20:29

OP, you don’t need a ‘perfect’ relationship in which no one ever argues, to be happy.

But you certainly deserve a loving, respectful relationship, in which each partner genuinely cares for the other, and values the other’s contribution to the family, and tries to bite their tongue when annoyed and apologises when they don’t succeed, and does a little bit each day to make their partner’s life easier and happier. DH and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have all of this.

Keyansier · 29/01/2023 21:52

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2023 19:27

It's not up to you to dictate what threads people can or can't comment on, no matter how much you would like that. I could offer your same suggestion back if I wanted to be rude and tell you if you read a reply you dislike then "maybe don't comment".

I'm being helpful. You asked on the other thread for examples of why posters thought you are sexist. I found one. You asked, I answered, you (of course) are moving the goalposts. Maybe look in a mirror.

You've mentioned "the other thread" a couple of times now as though you think I know what you're talking about when in fact I haven't got a clue what thread you're referring to.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2023 22:26

Were there multiple threads where you were called sexist? Weird.

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