To stop going to church

[MeghanThyStallion]

I've been attending church and being an active member of the congregation for the last 18 years. In that time, I've become part of a community of wonderful, interesting people. However, I've also had several bad experiences that have sapped my faith and enthusiasm. I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed going to church. I go because I had a very strong faith and promised to bring up my DC in the church.

The DC are now asking to not go any more and I'm wondering what's the point. WIBU to give everyone a lie-in on Sundays instead?

Op, you don’t have to leave your home to worship God.
You can worship God in your home.

Hello, I understand. I truly believed, was in church leadership etc. For years, I found it sapping, support was one way, friendships were conditional or needy and I found the repetition so boring. I also came to question whether all the lovely thing in my life really had nothing to do with me. Also had to really look at the toxic state of my romantic relationship and the ‘stay no matter what’ messaging.

Since lockdown, I have not gone back.
To have full weekends is amazing.
I have not missed the passive and demeaning language- ‘it’s not me, it’s God working through m, I am nothing, you are everything’.
One person has tried once to contact me - after 17 years of regularly going and leading all sorts of stuff. Tells you everything about the depth of those relationships.

I now have time for things I want to do and have found a more grace filled, warm community in a different (non religious) volunteer thing I now do. I also went to counselling as I had to re-learn to trust my own inner voice instead of consistently dismissing it or thinking I was selfish or wrong to want things for myself.

It’s also not ‘go to another church’ - it’s an all pervading culture based on patriarchy and bypassing responsibility for yourself.

@Cherryana I'm sorry you had a bad experience and I'm glad you're happy with your life now. I have no desire to attend another church. I don't like being taught that if I don't like something about church or the gospel, or find it difficult, then it's because I need more faith and patience. If something bad happens, it's either because I wasn't sufficiently in tune with what God's warnings, or it's a teaching experience.

I was told by a church going colleague that the reason my son has autism is because l didn't pray enough.

May I ask, which Church do you belong to?

I only ask as my mum has struggled with her need to attend a church that basically makes you feel so bad if you don't attend. Yet she is disabled , frail and finds it very difficult to leave her home in order to 'fulfil' her religious obligations.

I stopped going to church a while ago and I still feel ambivalent about it and my faith. Lots of backstory - as there often is! It is good to talk about it.

Check out the I was a Teenage Fundamentalist podcast and Facebook group. May strike a chord?
it’s scary to stop going especially when it’s been such a part of your life but you don’t need anyone’s permission

The book of jesus says he is not in buildings made of stone- god is everywhere and in everything if you have faith. You don’t have to sit in a building to have faith, you can pray from your front room if you choose to.

Right, not every place is the same.

Where you feel the community, teachings resonate, people who are there are similar to you.

I had some experiences that almost put me off for good, but different places and cities have different vibes and people going there.