Not wanting MIL looking after DS

[siennamariee]

Apparently this is unreasonable of me, and i'm coming on here for an opinion if i really am being unreasonable.

I have a DS that's just turned one, im a lot more relaxed with him being around others because we've tested almost all allergens and so far he's not reacted to anything and overall has good health, so we're not overly protective parents (we of course are, within reason).

However, when it comes to leaving DS with MIL, im always hesitant because she doesn't know how to respect boundaries. If i say "no" to certain food, she will insist and continue to give DS whatever it is i've said no to. For context, Im not a strict parent when it comes to what he eats, I will let him enjoy treats, especially when we're eating and he's looking at us (again within reason) but she takes it too far, offering him endless cakes/sugar/even coffee. she will give him an endless amount of espresso.

Most recently DS has been taking an oral antibiotic for what is believed to be a mouth thrush. Could be from him putting everything in his mouth, but i've also said to everyone "no one is to give him kisses on the mouth" in hopes that she'll respect it. Along with that, ive said "no giving him sugar because doctor said to avoid it in order for the thrush to calm down as it feeds off sugar and only grows out the virus/bacteria" but she says that's not true, and continued to want to give DS a custard tart.

I've started to think if she's like this when i'm present, she'll act worst when i'm not and i'm starting to not want to leave him with her. i've been told it's unreasonable that i'll let him be with others, including my own parents, but feel uneasy with her, but it's a matter of her overstepping boundaries constantly.

Is it unreasonable of me to think this way?

YANBU. That’s awful on her part. It’s her son’s job to take it up with her, you shouldn’t be in the firing line.

This seems to be either nonsense or a huge exaggeration.......endless amounts of espresso at 1 year old 🙄

Endless amounts of espresso seems absolutely madness?!

If this is true then no way.. he’s your child and if she can’t respect what you’re saying then no bloodyway!

by endless amounts i mean a couple spoonfuls of an espresso, but it'll vary if she drinks 1 or 10. I've told her off for this and she puts it down to "it's not good to deny him, he's looking at me like he wants it" and i'll often have to take DS away, which she doesn't get happy with

Yanbu

She’s deranged! Espresso?!

YANBU

YANBU she shown you she won’t respect boudaries, even when it comes to basic instructions to help treat a medical issue.

mod course you shouldn’t leave him with her.

personally given she has been so disrespectful, especially around the thrust issue, I’d set hard and firm boudaries about when she does see him and how.

ps if she’s not alone with him how does she give him endless cakes etc. maybe it’s time to literally step in and take them away if you have said no and she hasn’t listened?

YANBU and I'd be seeing less of her TBH!

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Can you politely point this out to her? Is there anyway you can be more assertive. She sounds really unhelpful and disrespectful. it sounds as though she is meeting her own needs before your DSs.

YANBU. Next time she doesn't listen pick him up and walk away. If she asks about having him alone then say obviously not at this age as she goes against your parenting choices even when you're there and has shown she doesn't listen to doctors advice. Best way is to be blunt with her.

I mean this kindly but your whole post does scream overprotective parent. It's just the tone 😆

So I don't know about the context/backstory etc.

But if the espresso part is true, then YABU to even contemplate letting him out of your sight when she's around after the first spoonful of espresso.

I admit I'm skeptical that's true though, because I can't imagine any one year old going back for more spoonfuls of espresso after spitting the first one out in disgust.

I'm the first to stick up for MILs (within reason) on here, but espresso for a one year old? That's insane.

If she wants to know why you don't let her have him, that's surely your answer?

Here's your ammunition

infants and toddlers must not consume coffee due to its caffeine content. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that children must not have caffeinated beverages up to five years of age

www.momjunction.com/articles/coffee-for-babies-toddlers-age-safety-effects_00761242/#:~:text=No%2C%20infants%20and%20toddlers%20must,years%20of%20age%20(1).

Yanbu obviously and I'd be keeping a close eye on her even if I was there.
Have you posted about this before? There was a post about a mil giving a baby even younger than yours coffee and sugary food. Like yours, she was continuing to do it when she'd been told not to.
It's so stupid to give babies food that's bad for their health. Yet people say MN is unfairly biased against MILs 🙄

Why have you tested him for every allergy?

😂 Yep!
Of course your MIL is U for the sugar/thrush situation and the espresso, but you also sound like you're very PFB: you'd exposed him to all common allergens? That wasn't something I ever ticked off with either DC TBH, mentally or on paper. I'm sure they must have come into contact with most by 12mo, but it was never tracked.

Is there a good reason he’s been tested for allergies? Because that’s waving very over protective parent flags!
And I don’t believe for one moment that he’s actually having “endless” espresso, even with your clarification that endless apparently means 2 teaspoons 🤣
If you ever set up a bottomless brunch place, I’m not going!
No way is he having espresso.

That said, I believe that she’s a pain in the arse and wouldn’t arrange her as my childcare.

Oral antibiotics can cause thrush they aren't a treatment for it. Do you mean a topical oral antifungal like nystatin or miconazole?

I'm confused, why have you tested him against nearly all allergens? Is this a thing?

Not intentionally, we just have a very versatile diet, and i've introduced him to almost everything, and know that common allergens he's not allergic to. I haven't intentionally checked for allergies, as allergies don't run in the family or anything of the sort! just a sort of im usually not fussy with what he eats or doesn't because 1. he's not allergic to anything and 2. he eats and loves everything we've introduced him to!

If he doesn't have a history of allergy the part about 'testing for allergies' does seem very over anxious.

If she's is actually giving him espresso the she is being massively unreasonable.

I thought checking for allergens is normal? Not overprotective but for peace of mind feeding your child moving forward? It's good to be safe!

Also I wouldn't leave my DS alone with anyone who chose not to listen to me about my preferences for him. Boundaries exist for a reason and definitely no to coffee YANBU.

I don't think peoples' responses to the allergy testing, it's recommended now to test all allergens during weaning..

My daughter and partner follow the weaning guidance given by the baby clinic, which today is how they check against allergens as part of their diet. They live in Canada, so I don't know if this is a guidance here yet or not.

My next youngest 2 grandchildren who live in the UK are 4 and 5. It wasn't going on when they were being weaned here, so it may be a new thing or specific to certain countries at the moment

she will give him an endless amount of espresso.

I stopped reading at this point. I honestly did not read another word you wrote.

You don't give a 1 year old espresso. FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Her judgement is appalling.