To think it doesn’t always help to talk about your problems

[Pringlepopping]

just feel like you can then be judged or things even used against you

Depends who you talk to. I'm starting counselling because you do really need to talk to people about your problems. But there's no one I can talk to without it becoming gossip.

I think it depends who you talk to about your problems. I was judged by a counsellor once. Made me feel worse and I never went back. I don't talk about my MH issues at work. I know it wouldn't go down well so I just try to hide it.

It depends for sure. Some people will use what you said against you. Some people see perceived weakness as a trigger, if they're a bit of a victim narc, then you moving in to ''victim mode'' as they see it, even temporarily about a specific issue, that can trigger them to have zero empathy for you, to go harder on you. Have seen this dynamic first hand.

I agree with you. I rarely talk about my problems.
I found counselling made me feel worse even after months of weekly sessions.
I dont want to talk to other people because my problems are private and I find it intrusive when the people who I share my problems check up with me.

If you're referring to this forum, no. Especially because you can receive counterproductive advice that can make your circumstances worse.

People don't know all the pertinent details about your life, they don't know you personally, they're not invested in your wellbeing and no concern for the consequences.

I often think that the modern trend for talking about mental health encourages people to over share and can damage relationships. Talking therapy is a good thing, if done professionally, but nobody should assume their family, friends, work colleagues etc will always know the right thing to say when they reveal their inner psyche.

Wow, that is so awful. You were brave enough to be vulnerable in the right place, and paying for the ''support''. So sorry that that happened to you. I had therapy twice and it was great, but once, I was pressured in to talking to my parents' gp who was apparently training to be a therapist. She never got to be a therapist. I felt worse after talking to her too and it was double tripply awful because she knew me, knew my mum. I just felt so foolish for having agreed to open up to her, so she could ...............practice on me!? At least I knew though that she wasn't trained and that she was a bungling amateur.

I think some people need to talk about their problems others don't. I prefer to keep my feelings and problems to myself and work through them in my own time. When my brother died i couldn't talk about it, the floodgates would just open and i would choke up. I found it easier to cry in private and keep up a brave face. But yes if you need to talk about things, it needs to be confidential.

I think it depends on who you talk to and for what reason.

you have to be very selective on who you can trust

My family are not interested in talking about my problems because apparently I'm the capable one.

Agreed. Sometimes it helps. Being isolated with something is hard.

But people say "talk to someone" as if it's a cure all, and then often when you do, they don't know what to say or leave you feeling even worse.

I agree with you but not for the reasons you say. As pp said, some people do benefit from externalising their problems. Others find it better to reconcile themselves internally ( I’m one of the latter). Sometimes people who are externalisers can view people who don’t externalise as being in denial or being emotionally stunted which, while it may be the case, isn’t always. I also think we are possibly too introspective these days.

I'm a talker, but I think we're all a bit too introspective these days.

Really, it's better to help people, be part of a community, create a community and try to make the world a better place. Finding connections and purpose - along with routine, diet and exercise cures most ills better than talking therapy.

I don't like talking about my troubles. It seems to magnify them and deepens my negative feelings because I'm having to go over it all and explain where I'm coming from.

This. I don't always need - or want - to talk about my problems. I like to focus on other things if I'm with friends/at work etc. It helps me compartmentalise and not be constantly burdened.

Yes this is what I find too
and it’s like it makes them more real
theb sometimes people start acting differently around you because they know your struggling
and it can become like a cycle

Last year my MH dropped rapidly whilst i was involved with family courts/cafcass. By july the lies really got me down, i spoke up and asked for help. Instead of helping me, a risk assessment was filed, everything i said was handed to my ex abuser, him/cafcass used it as ammunition in court and they tried to have me sectioned with forced treatment and my little one handed over to him. No welfare checks were done and no threats to harm myself or anyone around me were made. Now im too scared to ask for help professionally and i wont speak to family/friends because of past situations, i just hide it from everyone. It also makes my anxiety worse afterwards if i talk about my problems now... 🤷‍♀️

Just wanted to add i finally got a judge that saw through all the crap and awarded me residency aswell as non-mol and family arrangements order. Thats how much of a risk i was!

i dont believe in talking about problems alot full stop.

I deffo think its draws you back into pain.

Certainly think that about counselling.
Better to try and concentreate on having some fun, or taking your mind off things, how can you do that if your revisiting it all the time?

I agree with both of you!
Talking therapy can be repetitive and triggering but i also agree with the whole people acting differently towards you and it can become a cycle. A cycle which eventually makes you feel worse or like a burden! Ive started journalling just so ive got something to rant at.

Yes. I have found comfort and kindness in a couple of people I would never have imagined but I love them and trust them and I know that they care. They are special souls and they mean a lot to me.

The majority of other people? Meh? Wouldn’t trust as far as I can throw them…

This is very interesting. As someone brought up by a depressed mother who loves to talk, I can't see that it has actually done her any good ultimately. She, like many depressed people, is entirely focused on herself. Sometimes she hardly even "hears" if you are talking about other things. The subject always goes back to her, her problems, her feelings.

It was ever thus and I can't see she has benefited much from talking about her problems! She hasn't changed.

Me, I am the opposite. And very much a believer in self help. It can make me impatient with other miserable people though - I guess I've had enough of being a sponge.

Sometimes it can, with the right person.
Sometimes putting things into words, particularly anger, just makes me feel worse.
I find hard exercise, a long walk, a good nights sleep or some physical activity help me more a lot of the time.

Wow suprised how unanimous the vote is

I started a post about the same thing recently. I think talking is good but it often it used as judgement, gossip, misery loves company. I've become more private lately and my mental health feels better for it.

I much prefer to quietly work through things by myself.