To think it doesn’t always help to talk about your problems

[Pringlepopping]

just feel like you can then be judged or things even used against you

I agree! There is a real sense of self esteem/ self reliance? that comes from dealing with issues on your own and somehow we have forgotten that many generations ( particularly of women) employed this manner and passed down strategies, bits of wisdom and solutions for our universal problems.

i do think the naval gazing creates this as it is hard to get real perspective on issues and recognise that there are two sides to everything.

But I think for some, talking/counselling can help them see this but in my experience they are not the ones who see a problem- it’s everyone else around them who has to deal with them that has the problem😀

So many of our issues would be resolved by the edge of societal stress been taking off and people having a bit of breathing space. The old religious rule of rest on the Sabbath had a lot of wisdom in it, I think

I feel like it’s to the wrong people if you end up feeling that way. Also I’m wondering when you were growing up how did your parents respond/ role model around talking about problems? If you didn’t get good responses then it may feel that it magnifies the issues

I also think that sometimes a problem shared is a problem doubled. I'd rarely tell my mum if something was worrying or hurting me. Sometimes she's found out after the event and is hurt but when she dies find out she worries more than me and I can see her distress. I get no comfort from her knowing at all, she's just another burden. I have one friend who will just listen and I like how she 'gets' how I feel. Another one listens but gets annoyed when I don't follow their suggestions. They are undercthe impression I want advice. I don't but sometimes a different perspective is good. A 3rd friend I go to for practical advice. There's no judgement or equally empathy. It's project management. Friend 2 I've eased off now . They do care but can't accept our differences.
Sometimes an outside counsellor is handy to just offload but CBT is more practical.

i find it helpful talking to my most trusted people - mum, sister, DH, a couple of very close friends. I don’t talk about every issue I have, though. There are some traumas from my past that no amount of talk will help with.

Ive had various stints of therapy over the years and it hasn’t helped one single bit. It makes me feel worse, in fact. I think there is some truth in the adage ‘if you focus on the problem, you live in the problem’. I prefer to do what I can to be positive, take action, be helpful to others rather than talk about my issues.

I appreciate that for others, therapy works, so that’s not a judgement on it.

I sought counselling after several horrendous bereavements. I felt I was burdening my DH by talking to him about them Although he is kind and a good listener. I had several sessions. I agree with PP’s it was just rehashing and speaking about the same upsetting stuff every time. I ended up sobbing at each session and just felt so much worse. I realised that no amount of talking would ever change what had happened or how I felt about it.This was costing me £50 for half an hour every time I went. I decided instead to put the money towards having some nice treats, little trips out, lunch, cinema, beauty treatments, hair and nails done etc.It still cost me less and I have to say that for me this helped me far more than the talking ever did.

I do think the whole "talking about mental health has gone too far especially in the workplace. Talking about it in work should be a quick check in to make sure everyone is doing ok generally both physically and mentally.

What it should not be is over sharing of really difficult problems that only a professional would be able to help with. It makes the person with the problem feel worse and the person who is forced to listen and then not have the ability to help feel dreadful too.

I really wish workplaces would make this more clear !

The work place used to say keep your problems at home